meal times are just no fun anymore...

[mckenzie]

Help! I have just walked out of the kitchen and left my 3 year old sitting at the island with his dinner in front of him as otherwise I am going to scream and throw it in his face.

We normally all eat together but tonight my DH is not yet back from the football and I'm not very hungry so DS was eating on his own. He used to be brilliant at meal times, sat nicely, ate everything that was on his plate, always devoured his vegetables and basically meal times were a joy.
Now however, he has taken to being very restless, wont eat the meat or fish element (still eats all the veg thank goodness), wont even try the meat or fish actually (tonight it was a salmon and brocolli pie that he has had before and loved but he wouldn't even try a tiny piece).
It makes me cross and upset at the same time and I know I have to hide those feelings from DS (normally I do but tonight I think he saw through me).
Do you think we would be best off leaving completely alone and letting him eat just exactly want he wants to eat without us trying to persuade him to "try a bit of this" etc.
And should we stop him having a yoghurt for dessert (his favourite) if he doesn't clean his plate or do we just accept that he doesn't like meat or fish and just be please he's eating the veg etc.

However, he does like sausages and burgers so actually I cant say that he doesn't like meat!

My sister did warn me that DS's good eating habits would diminish but heck, this is horrible!

Might just be a phase. He is probably making all the more fuss just to see your reaction (IMO 3yr olds are champions at this). I'd try rationing the yoghurt until he's eaten enough of everything & maybe praising what he does eat. Keep smiling

mckenzie, mine change their minds so frequently about food they like the only thing I can guarantee that there will always be 1 of them that doesnt like what Ive cooked! One of them decided at some point she didnt like 'red' food e.g. beans, spaghetti etc! They do seem to grow out of it. Ive noticed that they go through phases of having hollow legs then eating practically nothing - something to do with growth spurts I think. I think it is practically impossible to get a child to eat something theyve decided not to (dd2 threw up all over a table at a b&b because I made her eat scrambled eggs ), so I wouldnt make an issue of it and leave him to eat whatever else is on his plate. Im sure its just a phase.

I am a mum of four and I have to say this sounds horribly normal. What can I say to console? It may not last long. Ds1 was beginning to outgrow this when he was still 3, ds2 (by far my worst eater) is now usually good (aged 6), dd is mcuh better than she was last year (now aged 4) although she refused to eat lunch today . Ds3 (19 months) used to eat anything, the healthier it was, the keener he was, but is now beginning to baulk at veggies, etc. TBH, if I think there is going to be a problem, I mush his food up so he can't distinguish the bits he will make a fuss over. I just can't face him being a fussy eater right now, so soon after getting dd and ds2 back on track.
All I can suggest is, for your own sanity, don't give him the things he really won't eat. There is usually an alternative. I have a rule that they don't get pudding if they haven't eaten their dinner (or most of it, or made a special effort with something they particularly dislike). I would say that given your son is already 3, he is coming to this fussy eating stage quite late and may grow out of it quite quickly.
I sympathise so much with you as I agree totally with your sentiment that meal times are no fun anymore. Mine haven't been much fun for years and it still gets me down . If I can advise further, do let me know.

oh, mckenzie, much sympathy, ds2 did this. He ate like an angel for the first 2 years or so and then it all went pear-shaped (and no veg for him either so you're right to be thankful for that!)

You are right that it would be best all round if you could appear not to care and yes, he should still have pud if he wants it (as long as he has eaten the rest of it - I think I would have jibbed at pudding after eating hardly any).

Could you possibly manage to look pleased when he leaves some and say "oh, good, I was hoping to get some more of this!"? Reverse psychology can get them going sometimes...

Lonelymum, my 4 dont get pudding either if they dont eat their dinner (or most of it). They accept it now. We're the same - dinnertimes are like a hotbed of emotions! And it is sooooo frustrating when you have spent hours cooking a delicious meal only to have to scrape most of it into the bin!

Did the reverse psychology work for you Jan? I usually frown, cajole, bribe, and then scream at my recalcitrant children (and no, that doesn't work at all!)

Muminamillion - two and a half hours it took me this morning to cook a roast and a pudding and some jam tarts for the non fruit eaters in our house and madam won't eat peas!

Lonelymum, one of my friends keeps the uneaten dinner, heats it up and gives it to her children for breakfast! Honestly!! Apparently it works, but its a little bit severe.

My mother did that to me a few times and I always swore I wouldn't do it to mine but dh tried it a few weeks back with dd - not overnight, it was lunch she wouldn't eat and he saved it for teatime. Well, you wouldn't believe it, she sat down as mild as a lamb and ate the remaining dinner and then said could she have tea too. We let her because she had done what we wanted and she ate a normal sized tea too with no problems. Makes you think when something like that happens.

Maybe doing that would save all the stress of trying to make them eat and the anger when all the food has been wasted. Think I might try that tomorrow when the next war begins at teatime. Ill let you know how it goes!

It didn't work on DS2 (who is stubbornness personified) lonelymum, but it used to work on his elder siblings so I thought it was worth a shot! (He is 11 now, and his diet has improved quite a bit from age 3-4, but a single pea hidden in mash would make him heave - or it would if he hadn't refused point-blank to eat mash any more, probably because his sister once tried the pea-hiding trick, which did make him throw up. I always have to put some skin-on-new-spuds for him in with those for mash.)

Thinking about it its effectiveness diminished as it went down the family, do you suppose the older ones might have let slip?

thanks for all the postings. It is comforting to know that it's not only happening in our house although that doesn't help anyone else does it? Sorry.

I think i shall try being calmness itself tomorrow night and not bat an eyelid at what he eats or doesn't eat and see if that helps at all. I think perhaps DS has sussed out that I'm a control freak and this is something completely out of my control. I need to chill out a bit more dont I?
What was that line that some childcare expert wrote in a book? "Worry about the important 10% and forget about the other 90%" or something like that. So I shall be glad that he's healthy and loves his fruit and veg and not give 2 hoots that he doesn't like salmon and brocolli pie anymore and will only eat marmite sandwiches.

Mckenzie - if you can do it, I think that attitude will get you through this tough time better than worrying about the salmon and broccoli. Meanwhile, relish the meals you don't have to take with him. I can't tell you how wonderful I feel when I can eat a grown up meal without my children, eg when they stay with grandparents.

well, tongiht we cracked it. Just DS and i for dinner (again!!) and we shared a M&S Roast Lamb meal for 1. I added cabbage and carrots and DS cleaned his plate nearly with absolutely no prompting from me. I gave him some praise (but didn't go overboard) and even let him have some extra cabbage as a treat. Sad I know but DS loves cabbage above all else!

Incidently, I've never bought one of the M&S Roast dinners before but the Meal for One was more than enough for 3 year old DS and me.
Think I might have to buy another one for the standby drawer in the freezer.

Well Done Mckenzie & Mini-Mac !!

Brilliant! Wish I had had the same success. I have just crept of to the computer after having had my lovely beef stir fry rejected by all but my youngest child. I am fuming (quietly)

YOU ARE SOOO LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My son eats peas as his only veg.and not much else really.Pizza,pasta and the odd fishfinger ,oh yes and potatoes.It is a complete nightmare.
He is 5 and of course it has got worse since he started school.
Have done all the wrong things and have been doing the right thing(?) for 6 months ie removing food if not eaten and when he later says i am hungry explaining why and maybe offering an apple or yog.
I am at my wits end as he will not even try stuff.
At school he eats an apple which the teacher gave him as he will not even try the food.
He was veggie but i introduced chicken and fish as getting desperate if he just ate veg i would be delighted.
Sorry to have gone on but i am at wits end.
Any advice out there?

oh doobydoo, you do have my utmost sympathy.
We followed the advice given on thsi thread and chilled out big time about it and also tried a bit of reverse physcology, ie gave him very small portions to start with and even tried to take the food off his plate to add to ours. We had success last night as you'll know from my other message and we were a bit worried that it was just going to be a one off. Tonight however, I made Delia's Shepherds Pie and gave him just a small portion with hsi normal share of veg and he asked for more! Twice!!

I'm so grateful to the posters here for telling me to chill out about it, I;m sure that is being a major factor.

Are you concerned doobydoo that your son is not getting enough vitamins and goodness because he's not eating his veg or are you concerned just that he wont even try them? If it's the former, could you try disguising the veg in the mash or in a burger or in mince?
Is he the sort of child to copy others? Do you know some toehr children who are good eaters that your son could go and have meals with occasionally to see if that will help?

Doobydoo, just had a thought. Check out the Richard and Judy website. They did a programme a week or so ago about childrent hat will not eat fruit of veg. They had Annabel Karmel on and showed how she'd worked with one little boy and his famity for a couple of weeks and the results were very good. There was going to be lots of information and hints printed on the website. I was onyl recently so i'm sure it would still be on there.

Ooh, Mackenzie, I do so sympathise! I was ending up emotionally exhausted from keeping my patience / psychologically outwittting DS in his complete disinclination to stay seated and eat.

But after some ignoring of the whole issue it has got marginally better, and when I really want him to finally get a square meal down, I play 'naughty prisoners': DS is a naughty goblin in PC plods prison, and I am the cruel jailer who says 'no food for prisoners. no prisoners allowed to eat anything off this plate' etc with a suitable dastardly accent and voice, and he invariably scoffs the lot.

Probably terrible training for later life.

THANKYOU for your ideas.I will try them.The great thing is that they are non threatening!
I could almost cry with the relief of telling people this and for the great,supportive,non-judgemental support.
Thankyou...boohoo!

LOL at naughty goblin, Blu

Am going to have to remember that one - ds has started early with the fussy food thing - 15 months and changes his mind every day as to what he will and won't eat...grrrr.