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A question for Lisalisa

19 replies

prettycandles · 31/08/2004 15:20

Hi Lisalisa, are you back from holiday? How was it?

Just out of curiosity really, but I was wondering how do you fit kashrut and weaning together during the early months of solids, when there seems to be a meal or a breast/bottle feed every two hours? What do you do about meat meals?

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lisalisa · 31/08/2004 15:33

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prettycandles · 31/08/2004 20:20

Thanks Lisalisa, that's exactly what I was wondering. I'd quite forgotten about the 'status change' at 3years. Though I must have remembered something about it, because ds's 3rd birthday seemed to me a fitting time to give him a kippa, which he now wears for Friday nights, hagim, etc. I regret how much I have forgotten and therefore lost .

Anyway, thanks for the clarification.

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Lisa78 · 31/08/2004 20:22

Good God, didn't know there was a Lisalisa on here! Feel very one dimensional now

lisalisa · 01/09/2004 10:41

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prettycandles · 01/09/2004 14:27

I'm Jewish, married to a non-Jewish man. Although dh and I agreed that the children would be Jewish, trying to find a way to do that is proving much tougher than I anticipated.

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lisalisa · 01/09/2004 14:47

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prettycandles · 01/09/2004 15:11

I think that the biggest difficulty is that, although dh isn't at all bothered about religion, we have experienced the most astonishing hostility from his family over this issue, and it has made him uncomfortable. Unlike me, he's not in the least interested in what you might call 'cultural issues' - the way people live, religions in general, philosophy, etc - so, while at first he was just not bothered about the children's religion, now he finds he has to defend something that he doesn't care about at all and would not choose to get involved in either.

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lisalisa · 01/09/2004 15:22

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prettycandles · 01/09/2004 17:11

We never heard a word from them regarding religion until ds was 3m, when I started digging to try and find out what had caused the sudden coldness and strange attitudes among dh's family. Dh was convinced that it was nothing to do with religion as, as far as he was aware, they were totally non-religious. They hadn't even been particularly interested in the fact that I was Jewish. But I think that they somehow feel cheated and offended that their son has chosen to go a different way to them. He hasn't chosen to convert, or to approach Judaism himself in any way, but has allowed his children to move away from the way in which he was brought up. They are very hostile.

It is strange...we thought that any hostility would come from my side of the family!

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lisalisa · 02/09/2004 10:45

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prettycandles · 02/09/2004 14:20

That's how it goes. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the sort of person they would have 'chosen' for their son in any case, even without taking religion into account. What particularly frustrates me is that their attitude can't help but affect dh's attitude.

Argh! Why do people make life so difficult for themselves? Ha ha ha, says the woman who chose to marry out and make life difficult for herself.

I went to the shul this morning, and booked a ticket for the Hagim. I may be a twice-a-year type at the moment, but I feel good about it now! .

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lisalisa · 02/09/2004 14:23

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prettycandles · 02/09/2004 15:14

I'm a bit cross with Aish, TBH. I feel they stole my best friend from me several years ago, and can't quite forgive them for what they turned him into.

Ironically, it was I who brought him back into Judaism in the first place!

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lisalisa · 02/09/2004 16:23

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prettycandles · 02/09/2004 20:40

D and I were phenomenally good friends, the sort you are lucky to have once in a lifetime, and the sort you hope will remain connected with forever. Most of our mutual friends didn't believe that we weren't sleeping together, but we were true Platonic friends. We were good for each other and got real joy out of our friendship. He was Jewish but knew nothing of Judaism.

At that time I was still living at home, and D came to us many times for dinner on Friday nights; candles, kiddush, everything...our normal family Kabbalat Shabbat. I think it absolutely blew him away how Yiddishkeit could be something ordinary that you just live and breathe and it is part of you. That got him interested in exploring Judaism for himself.

He took a sabbatical to go to Aish Hatorah yeshiva in Jerusalem, and basically never came back. We corresponded, and when he came to England to visit his parents we met up. Within 18 months of going to Aish, my dear friend would no longer make any physical contact with me, not even to shake my hand, and would not look me in the face when we were talking...not that it made much difference any more, because there was nothing for us to talk about, we no longer had anything in common. He was a different person, utterly uninterested in the world that I still lived in. The last I heard from him was when he wrote to tell me that he had a shidduch and was getting married.

He was a 'seeker' IYSWIM, looking for some meaning in life, involved in Friends of the Earth, an engineer who chose to work in the field of renewable energy. I suppose I'm glad that he found the meaning of his life that he was looking for, but I feel that he also cut himself off from his life in the process.

All my family on my mother's side are Hassidic, and I never felt cut out from their lives as I have from D's.

I heard somewhere that Chozerim BeTshuvah who go 'the whole way' generally remain ultra-ultra-orthodox for 2-5 years, and then start picking up bits of their earlier lives again. I still hope to hear from D even though he hasn't ever answered any of my letters since he told me he was getting married. I suppose he must have moved around, so addresses are out-of-date. I haven't written to him in years now.

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lisalisa · 06/09/2004 10:37

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lisalisa · 06/09/2004 15:06

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prettycandles · 13/09/2004 15:05

Thanks, Lisa, for your long reply. I've been away for a week, and since I wrote about D it has ocurred to me that I've looked at things from a purely selfish point of view. Now, reading your post, I feel that I need to have a good think and then concentrate on replying. As I'm just taking a quick (as if it ever is! ) Mumsnet-break from all those post-holiday jobs (unpacking, laundry, and so on) I'll have to come back tonight or tommorrow night with a proper reply - not something off-the-cuff.

In case we miss each other over the Chaggim, Shannah Tova and Gmar Chatima Tova.

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lisalisa · 13/09/2004 16:14

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