Any ideas on how I can go back to 'ground zero'? (sorry, long!)

[Lovecat]

DD was a great eater until she turned 15 months old. She then suddenly got 6 teeth through all at once (she'd only had the 4 front ones up til then), broke out in pollen-related eczema and was generally not a well girl for a few months.

Bit by bit she started refusing things, stuff she'd wolfed down in the past. She used to love greens, now she won't countenance them. She used to eat red meat, now she flings it from her plate like it will kill her. She has never liked potato, so that's not news.

However, my fondly envisaged home-cooked family meals are a bit of a non-starter now as she will not eat a 'proper' dinner (iykwim) and attempts to make her eat by the OH (ie 'you will sit there til you eat at least 1 pea' sort of thing) have just made things worse.

She goes 3 days a week to nursery and won't really eat there, either. They have said to me that they have noticed if they don't sit with her, or watch her, then she'll eat, but as soon as she sees their attention on her, she'll push the plate away, so mealtimes seem to have become a bit of a horrible stand-off for her, which I really don't want.

So... any ideas as to how to go back and start over?

At the moment she will eat:

Bread & butter
Garlic bread
cheese pizza if not too cheesy
Beans on toast }
Scrambled egg on toast } but mainly the toast!
spaghetti hoops on toast }
fishfingers
chicken goujon thingies
honey
jam
those organix carrot stick things (does that count as veg??)
ketchup
guacamole
greek yoghurt
bananas, cherries, all berries, kiwi fruit, oranges, grapes, melon and mango
cheese very occasionally

None of which particularly go to make a family dinner!

So, any ideas? While I want her to start eating with us, I don't want to have the nightmare we had in Majorca last year where she would refuse her own dinner then howl and throw herself about while we were trying to eat our own because she wanted down. We ended up eating in relays or giving her a ton of bread & butter to keep her occupied - which of course made it less likely that she'd eat a proper meal!

I don't want it to become a battle the way that eating seems to have degenerated into, but.... aargh, help!

I have found that the following has helped my DC eat:

1. Even if you prefer to eat with DH I nearly always plate a small plate of the meal and eat with the kids. It takes the pressure off because you are concentrating on your own meal.
2. Give your DD a new food alongside things that you know she will eat. If she refuses to eat it don't let your anxiety show and generally ignore any food throwing that might go on. Keep on introducing the food - it takes time.
3. If she wants to leave the table (and you are at home) just let her. She is still very young. Good table manners will come in time.
4. If she is hungry in between meals give her heathly snacks. I find that sanwiches are good because you can put loads of heathly fillings in. HTH

Agree with all the things hebetalbot has said, also (and I know it is easier said than done) try not to stress too much about it. My dd1 had a very restricted diet as a toddler, your dd is positively adventurous compared to how she was, and I got myself in a right tiss about it, in the end I thought just give her what she will eat and continue to offer stuff just in case. As she got older, and saw what her peers were eating, she started trying stuff and now eats more or less anything!! Also, re-read the list of food your dd eats, she is getting a little bit of most things, so she's doing alright!!