Fussy ds and grandma driving me mad - help!!!

[moominmama86]

Ds is 13 months and going through quite a fussy stage food-wise. Thing is, as a rule I'm fairly laid-back about the things and tend to think 'Well, he's active, healthy, sleeping well, happy, and still clinging onto the 50th centile so I shan't worry too much.' I'm pretty sure it's just a phase, I know the more I fuss the worse it will get, what he does eat is healthy blah blah blah.

BUT my mother is driving me up the wall about it. In fact, she's really upsetting me. She's started to say things like 'If he doesn't eat he'll have to go to hospital and be fed by a drip' and so on. She says he's "failing to thrive". She goes on and on about how skinny he is, never fails to point out children of similar ages who are fat and 'normal', every time he gets in the bath she pokes her finger in his ribs etc. He is on the small side, I agree, but what can I do? GP, HV and everyone else just tells me how gorgeous he is!

I try to reason with her, tell her he's perfectly healthy etc but nothing works. I have even threatened to ban her from mealtimes but it's her house! How can I get her to stop this??

Can you take her to the HV with you? She might listen to them. I know what a pain it is, my MIL is similar about my 21 month dd who is and always has been a small eater and a light build. In fact dd is 10 times worse at MIL's house with her eating which doesn't help! Why don't they keep their (well-meaning) noses out?!?

I sympathise! Ds is the fussiest eater I have ever seen, and is between the 9th and the 25th centile, and skinny as a rake, with little ribs sticking out. My mother manages to combine 'well it's your child, I'm not going to interfere' with 'have you tried not giving him his dessert till he's eaten his main course?', and other suggestions I wouldn't (!) have thought of myself....

Can you make some evidence like 'it's been noted that children whose grandparents are over anxious are fussier about eating?' - you don't need to say it's only be noted by yourself!

Sounds like your ds is perfectly normal to me - they do get fussier - it's healthy to be fussy, so they don't eat too much dog poo!

I just worry that, although ds can't understand her now, one day he will understand when she threatens him with hospitalisation if he doesn't finish a bowl of Ready Brek! It's just waaaay over the top. And there's no way I want him getting those sorts of messages - I remember very vividly once being told (by a freind's mum) that I'd be flushed down the toilet if I didn't eat up and even though it sounds funny now it scared me stupid at the time.

friend's mum grin{}

oh fgs!

Try taking her aside and telling her she's perfectly right to be concerned, but studies show that the best way to get the child to eat is to offer a variety of foods, and put no pressure on at all, so you know how terribly, terribly difficult it is, but for the sake of her grandson's health she must try her best to pretend she is very relaxed so he will eat better?

This has the benefit that all the bit about studies is true, and you can prove it if need be, and it makes her concern work for you instead of against you. And, since it is true, it may well make him eat better at her place.