What do you do with a two year old who wont eat???

[mosschops30]

I am of the 'he will eat when he's ready' and 'no you cant give him bread and butter and chocolate instead'.

dh thinks we should just give him whatever he'll eat (bread and butter, toast, crisps, yoghurts, spaghetti, chocolate) but I think its defeating the object as he's never gonna eat dinner if he knows he can have these insetad.

Anyway hes hardly eaten anything today and I'm worried he's gonna end up starving, and will waste away

any advice ?

Well he definitely won't end up starving and wasting away - he'll probably have a huge breakfast tomorrow...

I'd probably go for a combination of yours and your dh's approach (having had a very very fussy toddler with eating - now 5 and hasn't wasted away). That is, give him usual food at most tea times, but once/twice a week the kind of meal he'd prefer - so spaghetti/beans on toast isn't going to kill him once or twice a week and might get him into the routine of eating properly at tea time.

My preferred approach after years of fussing is just to ignore the whole palaver - if they eat they eat, if they don't they don't! But much easier said than done, I know...

When DS gets silly and has been having a bad few days, I sometimes say 'do you want this or this (his favourite)?' knowing that he will choose the favourite, but thinking he has made the decision.

well I do wonder with REALLY fussy eaters (my dd1) whether there is a REASON behind it - whether she is super-sensitive to taste or whether (this is what the GP said) she is likely to be sensitive to allergies and this is her way of her body protecting her (by eating a small variety of "safe" and "untampered with" food).

Who knows? But when my dd1 was 2 I would offer her granary bread and butter for supper, whether she'd eaten dinner or not.

She is now 4 and still eats an extremely restricted diet.

No advice, but be sure he won't starve himself. Wouldn't advise a diet of crisps and chocolate. Save that for when he can afford to buy them himself.
For family peace try and agree on a plan with your partner.

dottydot thats a great idea. So on the other nights when he refuses our 'normal' dinner do I let him eat yoghurt and B&B or just tell him to get down from the table like I did tonight

MP - it drives me bonkers when we go to tea at dp's parents and they always offer ds's bread at tea - they love it and I know it means they won't eat their actual tea! But I'm a big meanie at tea times...

No, just let him go down from the table. Ds2 is 2 and is much less fussy than ds1, but on occasions he'll say he doesn't like something and we don't make any fuss, just tell him he can go down and play, but no treats after tea. If they've made a reasonable attempt at eating their tea, i.e. eaten more than half and without fuss, they get a small treat - usually something like 3 jelly babies! If they haven't eaten they don't get it. Sometimes just wanting the treat is enough to get them to eat. Sometimes it isn't and that's fine, they just leave the table (and me and dp in peace! ). The next morning they'll chomp their way through 2 or 3 bowls of cereal!

try try try not to stress over it - I know it's easier said than done, but if you let him ignore what you would like him to eat and let him eat his favourites it is my experience that the whole wretched thing will drag on for months, not days - I used to get so stressed with DS1 that I would endlessly offer him titbits as I would get so upset when he didn't eat, and he manged to spin that out for a year. However, when DS2 was born, I didn't have the time to pander to him, and after only 2 days of playing me up he started to eat and now he has a normal diet (3 and a half). Good luck! I think it is really hard to go through, and I really envy those parents with good eaters.

LEAVING THE TABLE BEFORE EVERYONE HAS FINISHED?

I feel a new thread coming on

Oh no, no titbits or chasing him round the room with a banana

I thought that mp

Oh yes: more rules: No pudding unless you eat your greens. No leaving the table until all have finished and you have complimented the chef and asked to get down.

Barefootdancer: that's more like it

agree with dottydot, keep it all low key.

I notice with my ds now and in the past and very much with other children that it's a lot to do with parental stress too - I think personally that they really pick up when we're too focussed on something and just play us like fools!

The lowest key approach virtually ignoring the situation, putting the meal down, this is the food, no pudding/treats until some of that is eaten. Matter of fact.. no fuss at all. That works for us. No song and dance just, if you don't want that there's no treat, no pudding.

Also, no snacks for fussy eating children - that will cure some of that fussiness!

I've heard a lot of this fear of them starving but they never do do they? Even if they didn't eat for two whole days they wouldnt' starve would they?

We have friends whose 9 yr old dictates their whole life with her tyrannical diet, can't go to France cause she'll only eat one kind of chip/garlic bread and frube! Nightmare.

No tips, just sympathy
My 2 yr old prefers milk to food

Interesting thought MP about children protecting themselves from allergens by being picky, but it seems a bit odd that often the foods they will eat (bread and butter, biscuits, yogurt, peanut butter to name a few) aren't usually allergen-lite You don't often hear of broccoli or spinach allergy do you