dd2 refusing dinner

[misdee]

she has been screaming for ages that she is hungrey whilst i was cooking. made her dinner but she refused it. its now been 20mins and she is still refusing to eat her dinner. she wants pudding, but i dont want to let her have it till she has had some dinner.

am i just being mean? might give her a few more minutes and let her have some toast.

my son does that sometimes, so what i do is put some food on a spoon and tip it with his pudding, it always works with him. good luck.

she's 22months old so cant do that with her really. she ate some toast and some yogurt and is now in bed.

Perhaps you missed her hungry slot? My dd has a definite hungry slot and if I miss it I have had it. Fortunately I know when it is now so start cooking earlier so that it is ready when she is. Also, when dd refuses her food, I just leave it in front of her for 20 minutes or so and then throw it away, but I never offer her anything else - she now knows that it is a case of eat what is in front of you or go without.

i know they say kids will never starve themselves, but if dd2 doesnt eat something she will wake up screaming about midnight. i think boring old toast with just a scaping of butter on it was ok, wasnt it?

Srry v long... Am feeling a bad mummy today. DS is having serooius fod issues. He is 3.5 and wants us to feed him. He is perfectly capable of doing so himself but if left to it either refuses to pick up a fork or has a mouthfull and cmplains his tummy hurts or more usually that he has an itch (it moves all around his body to avoid eating)Yet if one of us helps him he eats the lot perfectly well.
Over the last few days we have told him that he has to come to the table at mealtimes and eat his food and if he doesn't then he will go hungry as we will clear his plate away when everyone else has finished.

It is working to an extent but we have had a few missed meals as a result.

Tonight he came and sat down and becan to sob and cry like the world was ending because he had been given sweet and sour pork and rice - a meal that is usually demolished in minutes and he on seeing it decided he wanted spagetti (something he has to be hepled with as he can't twirl it)

I left it for ages. He had half a mouthful of rice - thats all said he didn't want it and got down.

I have put him to bed early as he is shattered too, and he was complainig he was hungry when I did. (20 mins after dinner went in the bin. I gave him milk but thats all. He is now fast asleep and I feel so guilty for letting him go to bed with no dinner.
What should I do?

I might add that DD (17mths) eats her food with very little assistance now and devours it all up). As far as I know there are no big changes or disruptions and he seems quite happy otherwise so I don't know what to think.

Any suggestions gratefully recieved

Typing awful - apologies

anyone?

Alison, I have a ds and a dd the same ages as yours, and ds is a bit swings-and-roundabouts with eating too. Some days he will, some days he won't. IME there are two ways you can go about it: you can feed him without making any fuss if he asks for it or you can let him go without the meal (yes, hungry). It may be that a few meals being fed to him withoout any fuss will satisfy whatever need is bothering him and he will go back to eating properly. It often happens with ds. On the other hand, you can do what you did last night. You do have to be consistent about it though, and not buckle under and give him a snack afterwards. Ds has only ever missed one or two complete meals this way - he generally changes his mind and comes to the table at some point, even if he doesn't eat all the meal. We try to make it a rule that 'Children who eat properly get snacks'. Doesn't always work, and we do occasionaly sneak in a major snack if too many meals have been missed. As you've found out, too many missed meals lead to challenging behaviour. TBH, from what you have said I would incline to the feed him if he asks option. It's not anything to feel bad about, feeding a 3yo. In some countries it's the norm - I think in Greece children are fed until about 4.

Prettycandles,
I know what you mean, but he did go through a real phase of refusing any help at all even when he really couldn't manage - cutting up his own food for instance. This seems like a real step backwards. I know he is only young and I don't mind helping if he can't manage but when he just stares at the food and sings or plays the fool instead of eating it really starts to annoy after a while because I bring him to the table and I know he is hungry - you can tell by the behavour.
He did eat a reasonable amount yesterday.
Today I have started a star chart with him, there being a present at the end of a week if he has been consitstantly good at mealtimes. I'll see how it works. Its the first time I ever tried a chart but I know others swear by them.

It's such a minefield, I really don't know what to suggest! It sounds like he is playing games with you...but I don't know because I am not there.

It seems to me that we have this idea that if a child can do something, then they must do it. TBH, when I try to ignore that attitude and go along with my children wanting to behave a bit 'younger', then life flows along more easily and, in the long run, it never ends up as a retrograde step.

There's rarely really any 'right' or 'wrong'...it all boils down to what gets you a peaceful life in the end .

I feel very much like he is playing games. He is far too intelligent where pushing the boundaries is concerned and his verbal reasoning trying to wriggle out of things at times seems far beyond what I'd expect - then at others he seems so young.
TBH today had been much better - constant reminding about the chart at mealtimes worked wonders - and she has been SO affectionate at othrs I'm beginning to think he has been swapped for anouther child as we have had such a tense few weeks with him.