LOST MY WAY WITH FOOD AND MEALTIMES

[johay]

Since I split with my h 4 months ago, I seem to have lost the plot when it comes to food. Firstly, I am still cooking for 4 instead of 3 and throwing loads of food away, which I hate. Secondly I can't motivate myself to cook a proper meal because he won't be coming home to eat it (pathetic I know). Also, I am bingeing on all kinds of c**p and not eating in the day to make up for it. I've had eating problems for years and know that I abuse food when i'm under stress and at the moment I'm taking my husband to court for assaulting me, so just a few probs there! My counsellor (who I've been seeing for a year after a spell of severe depression) seems to be of the opinion that once my other 'issues' are sorted, the eating will suddenly become 'normal' but I am less optomistic plus I'LL BE 26 STONE BY THEN LOVE. Really worried that I'll pass this affliction on to my kids, although I think I've gone too far the other way by taking the emphasis off food so much they now eat what they want when they want CHAOS. Ds does think he's fat (he's 11) what have I done ?

Gosh, this is so hard a time for you johay. How many kids do you have and how old are they? Do you work and get out and about in the day?

I've never been through what you're having to go through so I don't have any brilliant advice except to say that I think you have to reach a point where you're just going to change certain things that you can change. I mean you are in control of your diet and your kids diet - you could just refuse to have certain foods in the house so if any of you are tempted they're just not there. I agree with your counsellor to a degree but I think things more frequently go hand in hand, i.e. if you manage to get on top of your own domestic issues, you'll cope better with the very traumatic situation you're in with your dh, and vice verse.

I wish I could offer you better advice, you need something better than this feeble offering.

It's not a feeble offering STF! I've seen so many doctors, councellors etc since I was 17 so that's 19 years on and off and I still have this stupid problem. My grandmother is an alcoholic but that whole addictive personality thing seems like a cop out to me. I have ordered some self help books now because I do want to get out of this chaotic pattern. See, when he left I lost about 2 stone and everyone said I looked too thin but I liked that! Now I'm putting all the weight on again and it terrifies me!!! My kids are 11 and 4.

Make sure you have breakfast - easier said than done but just shovel something down you - milk and cereal as soon as you can face it after you get up, or porridge would be even better. If you have something to eat earlier on, it puts your blood sugar up so you are less likely to binge. I know it is tempting to miss breakfast if you want to skip meals, but it does help you lose weight. Do you have problems motivating yourself to make lunch/dinner? In this weather soup and salad are good, if you want minimal preparation, or you could have humous and pitta bread or ready made salads. I agree with STF that there is no point putting off the food issues till everything is sorted out - aside from everything else if you eat a better diet you will feel better physically aside from feeling more confident for not eating erratically. Also if you cook for 4, why not keep the extra portion and reheat it for your lunch the next day? Sorry if i am being too trite and simplistic.

How you doing today johay?

Got into really bad habits lately, ie - skipping breakfast and eating rubbish that I never used to like! Can't really taste food anymore. Would like to get a good healthy eating plan for me and the kids. Quite often feel like there is nothing nicer to do than eat!! How sad is that? I am trying to get my life back together, doing driving lessons for instance, never had the confidence before. Just want to get this court date over with. Still, the food thing is an ongoing problem, I feel like I am battling with it on a daily basis! OK today, but only because I have managed to avoid eating. Only had a sandwich. Also really miss having adult company in evening (even HIS) and I've had girls round but it actually makes me feel worse!