Is 20 months too young for the 'if you don't eat that there's nothing else' path?

[oliveoil]

After having a angel child who ate everything put in front of her, I now have a stranger that says 'no' to everything apart from:

Cheese, grapes, Dairylea, paste spreads, brown bread, milk, Shreddies, peas, raisons.

She occasionally eats what I am eating but not much.

Dh reckons we should just give her 20 mins or whatever to strop over it and then take the plate away and not give a replacement, I think she is too young to understand and would rather take the casserole or whatever away and give her some sandwiches etc.

Is this teaching her she can get her own way or is she too young to understand the 'eat this or starve' way?

WHERE HAS MY ANGEL GONE??????

How old is your dd CD? I'm sure I know this from other threads but I'm brainless today. Again.

Anything fishy is a big no-no with my dd. She was a potato fiend but has now placed them among the other devils foods to which she says on seeing them 'bin.' I hope hope hope she doesn't go off pasta.

Unlike yours, she's not terribly big. In fact yesterday I noticed that her jeans were 9-12 months and still a bit roomy!

stf she's 21 months. Born 4 Sept 02

So just a month older than my little angel. It's a cute age isn't it?

How's this for weird? Yesterday at my MIL, she had:

Breakfast: full bottle, huge bowl of shreddies, toast
Lunch: Jar, banana, yoghurt

Then had a big plate of lamb casserole with me at tea time, how bizarre.

Bet she goes back to fussy tomorrow when I am off work.

OO - thats very much like my ds! He'll go for days just picking then have a day or two where he's asking for more, before going back to virtually nothing. Over the week it all balances out, thats why its important not to focus on each meal, however hard it is. I always try to stay so calm when he just pushes away his plate, but when you've spent ages cooking something it's really difficult. On the other hand on the days when he does eat its great when he says 'lovely food' .

It is really annoying when you've spent ages cooking and they won't eat, but I think she's too young not to offer something else, as long as it's healthy. If ds won't eat a meat & potatoes dinner then I give him a sandwich or cheese & crackers and fruit instead. I can't remember which book it was, maybe the Toddler What to Expect one, that says toddlers shouldn't have to eat what's put in front of them, they just need to learn how to eat!

i may sound horrible but my dd is 18 months, and if she doesnt eat her dinner, i wont give her anymore of it, but i do always give her a bottle later on to make sure she doesnt go too hungry

Yes, the on / off days are weird. Yesterday dd ate (for her!) really well - big cup of milk and bowl of cheerios for breakfast. Half a bean burger, broccoli, baby corn, half a potato waffle for lunch. Cup of milk mid-afternoon. Slap-up tea of pasta in tomato and cheese sauce followed by big cup of milk! Today however, so far, nothing. Drink of milk this morning, drink of juice for lunch. No food at all. Boo!!!

I used to say that there was only fruit or yogurt on offer (food wise) until the next mealtime. I made a big mistake (at one stage) by letting ds have as much milk as he wanted during the day. It stunted his appetite for food terribly. I wised up after a few weeks/months (?) of saying "But at least this way he's getting something!" I also seem to remember a time when I'd be making 2 or 3 separate meals for my (4 person) family, until I suddenly thought how silly I was being! I introduced new foods slowly and they were always allowed to leave all (except for the one mouthful they were expected to taste) of one food they didn't like. So they might eat all their meat, potatoes, carrots but leave all the onions or sweetcorn or cauliflower or whatever. They're now both excellent eaters. They're still allowed to leave the one they hate the most and they're 10 and 9. Mostly, the plate is cleared. I feel very old writing this!

Wind up merchants the lot of them

OMG, I am now living in fear. I feel like maybe I've been a really bad mummy. I have all sorts of food issues from having been forced to eat what I was given as a child (including the compulsion with finishing what's on my plate, which I loathe). So I am also determined not to do the same with my ds. Therefore I have always been totally relaxed about food at mealtimes. If he turns his head away he is clearly not hungry so he gets straight down from table. If he tucks in he clearly was hungry and he gets as many seconds, thirds and fourths of both courses as he wants. I really really had never thought of offering an alternative if he doesn't want the food in front of him. Toddlers are funny old things. Sometimes they are hungry, sometimes they aren't.

Christopher Greene comments that no toddler has ever voluntarily starved themselves to death!

We have noticed that nursery says ds eats very nicely there, but he seems more picky when with us. When we said this to the nursery staff they said it is common - their reason was that at nursery they are all eating at the same time and so they all just get on with it, but a home there are more opportunities to do a bit of the old manipulation and tugging at heart strings that toddlers do so well!

fisil, you don't sound like you've been a bad mummy at all! I do exactly the same and for perhaps the same reasons as you - my mom was so strict about finishing everything on my plate (even sprouts! ) and would threaten to serve the same food up again and again cold until I ate it if I left it. Needless to say as I got older I got terrible food issues and used every method of subterfuge I could think up not to eat what she cooked. I determined NEVER to do this with dd. It turns out that she IS a very fussy eater and although on occasion it's really got me down I NEVER show her that and always just go with her. As she likes such a limited range of food there's not much of a thing about offering alternatives as there aren't any if you see what I mean? So she either eats what I give her which I know she likes or she doesn't and I assume, like you, that she wasn't hungry that meal time.

and you're probably like me stf - you probably always try to go for food that you know that they will eat!

CD so relieved that your dd eats 1/2 a weetbix!
my dd is little with little tummy and everyone else I know has kids who devour one or more!dd is nearly 20 mths now.
I am so blase about food, I always assume she will eat if she is hungry
She sleeps if she does or doesn't eat a lot or any of main dinner, so she must be ok!
I am now reassured that she eats normal amounts for her age!!

hi would just like to add 2 quick points after reading the messages 1) there are no bad mummies on mumsnet because you care enough to visit and ask questions, its a bit like thinking you're crazy.... if you're sane enough to debate the issue (even with yourself) you aint crazy! and 2)trying to get the correct diet into a toddler will make you crazy! keep persevering and i totally agree with the milk thing, don't let them fill up on it, ds caught me out that way too.

Yes, just like you fisil, I give her what she likes and keep trying to add a little something new on the side in the hope she'll take up each new thing when she's ready.