OMG I've created a custard monster!

[GipsyDanger]

Decided to make custard tonight, so I grab the custard powder in the cupboard and loosely follow the instructions.... What have I done?!? It tastes foul and I'm pretty sure I could lay bricks with it. It doesn't even LOOK like custard! It's the wrong colour and everything.

So you basically made lumpy blancmange...
(And yes, stir in the sweetener at the end of cooking)

The instuction to me said;
Custard: fire custard powder in a bowl with sugar and milk.
Me; I've no sugar.... Do have sweeteners, they're the same
Custard:ok, fire powder, about 4 or 5 sweeteners in with milk, give it a stir till it makes a paste and the spoon gets stuck and launch in the microwave for 6 mins
Me: cool 😎
Custard; 3 mins in, take me out and break the seal of hardened custard so it loosely resembles scrambled eggs, pop back in.

3 mins later.....
Me; Holy fuck, what have I done!!! (Drops to knees and shakes fists in the air)
Custard; I'm melting! Melting!!!' Oh my world, my world

Check the instructions again, after you've made the paste you're meant to add more milk?

Polter I'm meant to be doing xmas dinner this year

You've some hookey instructions there to be sure. You should have mixed the dry ingredients with a few tablespoons of milk and heated the rest of the milk in the micro before introducing both parts and stirring briskly.

Sweeteners - well I have no words...

My dh

I hope it's ok but I've linked this thread with the Archers thread. It's to do with Rob telling Helen that making 'real' custard is not really that difficult

Now, this may surprise you, but this isn't the first time something has started as one thing only for it to turn into something else. You may even say I have 'form' for this.

Let me help you OP

I'd try a tuna bake as an alternative.

monday I'll take two!

OMG Monday - that stuff is lush. It doesn't taste like Bird's but it's bloody lovely.

That is brilliant custard Gipsy. It reminds me of the first time I tried to make gravy and erred on the side of a bit too much flour. I cried because everyone said it was horrid (I was 14)

Mines was birds....... 😧

It looks awful. From the pictures I assumed you were making real custard but hadn't stirred it properly/used too much egg so you ended up with scrambled eggs.

I see you were using "custard" powder so basically you have a very lumpy, too thick white sauce. You must have used far too much custard powder.

Buy tin of custard. Open .pour.

I would not go as far as that but honestly M&S or Waitrose proper custard is just as good as any homemade proper custard.

It's all about the vanilla custard from
Sainsbos. The vanilla cream is lush too. And you can mix them

I make Bird's custard from powder in the microwave all the time occasionally.

You have to add enough milk to make a paste AND THEN ADD THE REST OF THE MILK. This is to prevent lumps that would form if you dumped all of the milk in at the beginning. It's completely liquid when it goes into the microwave.