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Original poster

My 4 year old NEVER eats dinner, need advice please...............

23 replies

northerner · 05/01/2007 17:21

He is 4.5. Eats breakfast and lunch no problem. But ever dinner time is a battle.

It seems he will not eat a hot 'proper' dinner. In the past I would give in and give him bread/cheese and fruit, so it's kind of my fault.....

Anyway, new year and new rules and all that. All he had after school was an apple, and he was asking for snacks so I know he was hungry. Put Shepherd's PIe in front of him and he immediatley sais he didn't want it. This always happens. Or he'll ask 'how many mouthfuls do I have to eat? Or sit there and pick out tomato bits/green bits etc.

Tonight I told him if he didn't eat he was to go straight to bed, so he has chosen to go to bed at 5.20pm.

Really need to sort this. Any advice appreciated.

Thansk

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 05/01/2007 17:22

He will get bored going to bed. Stick to your guns.

Does he have lunch at school ??

Original poster
northerner · 05/01/2007 17:24

He has packed lunch LGJ.

Should I send him to bed every time he refuses to eat?

OP posts:
zubb · 05/01/2007 17:25

would he eat school dinners? if all his friends do then it might get him to eat it. Then evening can be sandwiches.
If not as LGJ says just keep on with an early bedtime and he will soon start to try dinner.

SherlockLGJ · 05/01/2007 17:25

I would.

Why does he not have school dinners ??

TheArmadillo · 05/01/2007 17:25

SIt him in front of dinner. All eat, clear plates at end. No comment on whether he has eaten or not. NO threats or bribery. And nothing else to eat before bed.

Pretend you don't care and make no comments. If its for attention that way he won't be getting any positive or negative.

Missing one meal a day won't hurt him, so don't worry there. If he keeps getting hungry he'll realise he has to eat.

Tis hard but be consistent and pretend it isn't getting to you.

LIZS · 05/01/2007 17:26

Could he have a hot lunch instead . That might make less pressure to eat hot food when he is more tired and give him energy for the afternoon.

Original poster
northerner · 05/01/2007 17:29

Good advice armadillo, will try that, have tried encouraging and bribing and have tried telling him off.

Have not tried ignoring it........

It's the proper food that's the problem, he would not eat school dinners, so I give him a pack up so I know he is eating.

OP posts:
charliecat · 05/01/2007 17:30

Totally agree with armadillo. And I keep the plates that are uneaten in the kitchen when im really fed up with this behaviour, so that when they say Im hunnggrryyyy later. I say...you know where your dinner is, do you want me to reheat it?
Sometimes they say yes, and eat a bit more. Other times they go to bed hungry...not my fault, dinner was offered, and refused.
Whinge all you like ....its there if you want it!

twickersmum · 05/01/2007 17:32

i agree with armadillo. but you mustn't give in to snacks.
i am here on mumsnet whilst my 3 year old is refusing to eat her flipping "sticky salmon" & thai rice with veg - took me ages.
i just walked away and told her to eat it. meanwhile the 14 month old is tucking in and dh is hovering resisting the temptation to eat it himself.

SherlockLGJ · 05/01/2007 17:34

My DS will try anything, chorizo, anchovies, sprouts, but is still fussy IYKWIM.

This is a transcript of a conversation he and I had after he started school.Aged 4 and 3 months.

We had Baked potatoes today....

Did you (knowing what was coming next)

Yes it had the skin on it....

Really how surprising a baked potatoe with the skin on........ So what did you do ??

I did say to the dinner lady , excuse me please can you take the skin off my potato??

What did she say...... at this point I am trying not to laugh.

She said sorry darling I am too busy..

So what did you do ??

I ate it all up.

And he has ever since.

SherlockLGJ · 05/01/2007 17:35

The point of that post being they will eat more at school, because you are not there to have your buttons pushed and because there is peer pressure.

Original poster
northerner · 05/01/2007 17:36

LGJ that just about sums it up doesn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
northerner · 05/01/2007 17:37

Well you see I let him stay for Christmas Dinner to see how he got on, and he only ate his pudding........

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 05/01/2007 17:41

I would do it for a term or so if I were you. It would mean cooking a meal in the evening as well, if he eats at school he eats , if he doesn't he will come home hungry and eat.

bobsmum · 05/01/2007 17:46

Northerner - my 4 y o ds is the same (although not at school til after the summer). Will eat a lunch type meal til the coos come home, but really fights with a hot dinner. For him though I think it's laziness - he hates using cutlery so a hot meal is a battle ground because he hates the effort involved. With sandwiches/sald etc he just grazes his way through the meal and will eat anything.

AFAIK his primary school doesn't do school dinners (too small for a kitchen) so school life will be interesting...

whatkatydidntdo · 05/01/2007 17:46

I have the same thing with my DS's aged 6 & 9 they would rather go hungry. I have tried to ignore, encourage, bribe, invite pals around(peer pressure) but they would rather go hungry than eat a healthy meal.

I am at my wits end with them both(but wont let them know it)

Mine often go to bed hungry , which make me sad, and are both very slim (skinny)
What would you recommend for us, bearing in mind this has been going on since toddlers for them both.

My DS (9yo) tried Pizza a while ago and announces it was lovely but hates it again now! He wont eat Pasta, anything in a sauce, any veg other than carrots, fruit: only apples and sometimes banana. Likes bread and will often just ask for a sandwich with marmite. (he would eat marmite sandwich at every meal if he could) Has one for lunch and marmite on toast for breakfast.

Advice welcome please {begging, in desperation smiley}

NAB3 · 05/01/2007 17:58

I don't think you should send a child to bed just because they won't eat a meal. I don't think a child has to have a hot meal every day (even though I make sure mine do but they are good eaters.) Food is going to come a big issue and it already sounds like he knows he has control over you with eating. Give him bread and cheese with a taste of what you are having. Eventually he will try it. Phases don't last forever. As he gets better at eating the small amount you have given him make his food smaller and yours bugger and go from there.

xoxo · 05/01/2007 17:59

my sister had this problem, with her 5 yr old.
she's much more patient than me so she did it in stages.

her dd loves pasta - cold and plain, anything really that resembled picnic food.

so - sis made cold pasta salad with sliced chicken beside it and cheese squares. next day it was warm pasta with chicken beside it and cheese squares. following day it was warm pasta with cheese grated on top, chicken beside it. Last day was chicken chopped up in warm pasta with cheese sauce. etc. after that she added an ingredient each day (mushrooms, onions, herbs, tomaotes)

and so it continued.

by the end of the week she was eating a hot meal.

maybe she just realised that if she didn't she would be eating the same blinking meal for the rest of her life.

the following week she slowly introduced a shepherds pie. she said it was like pulling teeth.

like I said, she is MUCH more patient than me

youngmumoftwo · 05/01/2007 18:01

My 4 year old is the same, he will eat porridge or toast for breakfast, snadwiches or soup for lunch but dinner is a reall pain. I have a 1.5 yr old who gobbles down anything I put infront of him but the 4yr old says he isnt hungry and then at bed time moans he is. We all sit down at the table every night together and eat the same food, pasta, casseroles, pies, and sometimes fishfingers chips and peas. The 4 yr is as skinny as a rake but my 1.5yr old is like a football!!

3sEnough · 05/01/2007 18:03

I agree with armadillo - give the food, no comments, give normal pudding (pref fruit or such) don't send to bed early. Your face must be 'truly don't care' NOT 'seething underneath!' Really just ignore it - it isn't a problem - it goes without saying that you don't offer anything else before bed!

twickersmum · 06/01/2007 11:58

well i did this yesterday, dd1 refused dinner, then i wouldn't give her "cheese & pitta" as she requested later. So she went to bed, normal time. Problem is she woke at 6 starving (feel like it backfired on me as i then had to get up despite being up through the night with dd2) and ate double breakfast!... now the question is will she eat her lunch??

sasa15 · 06/01/2007 17:44

i just posted in "behavior"....having the same problem iwth ds is 2.6

will see how it goes...

myermay · 06/01/2007 17:59

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