MN Food Police - come and be put to good use here!

[Beccarolloveragain]

My sister has a boyfriend, he has a (just turned) 2 year old.

Hard to say this without sounding completely judgemental but IMO the parenting of this child leaves a lot to be desired.

He doesnt sit down to a meal, never has, never has "meals", hasnt attempted cutlery yet, drinks heinz baby juice from a bottle all day long, will only eat sausages or chicken nuggets. Fairly typical days diet is sausages for breakfast Mcdonalds happy meal for lunch and tea (!!!)

My sister is quite a foody and passionate about good nutrition but is also aware that there is a fine line she has to be careful of crossing as it isnt her son.

How could they (the boys dad and my sis) go about making changes to his diet. When presented with new foods he freaks out completely) Very regularly goes a whole day without food.

Sister is very frustrated as they have him Friday until Sunday but then knows that when he goes back he goes back to the bottle swigging, sweetie guzzling, 2 macdonalds a day regime. Can she actually achieve anything when the poor little sod will be getting such mixed messages?

I would actually go as far as saying I wouldnt be suprised if in his WHOLE LIFE he has consumed a piece of fruit or a fresh vegetable.

Any advice on where to start appreciated.

In the time they have been together he has come on leaps and bounds in terms of development and social skills. (dont want to say too much but his mother really is that bad that he was a very very timid little soul who was frightened to speak or do anything really when he first started coming at weekends) It would be great if his nutrition could improve too.

Feel I should say something positive about this girl. He is always very clean and well dressed and apparently last week she has weaned himn off his dummy.

I was suprised by this as if she didnt care, she wouldnt bother surely?

Her upbringing has been very troubled apparently, maybe she knows no better?

I'd be very tempted to take the juice out of a bottle - its very bad for teeth. It would be better in a cup - or better still just water

Anyway I'm very passionate about eating well, etc but rememebr when dd was a toddler what a battle it was. I used to read about parents complaining that their kids wouldn't eat anything apart from chips and nuggets and think "stupid dimwits, just don't feed them it".

And then it happened to me. Went skiing, the chalet staff fed the kids junk all week, dd got a bad cold and was off her food. Still off er food with cold when we got back so I let her have chips at home as she wasn't well. She didn't go back to eating proeprly when she was betetr.

HV said just give her other stuff and if she doesn't eat it then don't offer her anything else, "she won't starve herself". Well I'm sorry but she did. Lost a lot of weight, admitted to hospital and a dietician at the hospital told me to feed her whatever she wanted even if she had nothing but chips and nuggets for a year. And guess what - thats all she ate for about 8 months. I felt awful about it, not helped by all the teasing from friends about the junk that I fed dd. I always offerred her healthy stuff, but it wasn't touched. Tried hiding it - sweetcorn fritters, carrot muffins, etc. No luck.

She's 5 now and eats a very healthy diet - loads of fruit and veg. Hardly ever has chips or processed food. I wasn't happy about it, but it didn't kill her. A doctor told me never to turn food issues into a battle as it stores up problems like eating disorders for when they're older. Fussy eaters do grow out of it.

although life may be too short to be "pissing around with food on cocktail sticks" I feel these are excpetional circumstances and any measures necessary to get his diet up to a healthy level is more than justified. This poor boy really needs it - and I do think his mother is depressed but that is not your worry.

Tell your sister well done from me.

Aw Becca thanks

It's nice of you be so gracious to me when I am only one who got my knickers in a twist over it

I think there are a lot of good suggestions here and even a small change to this child's diet would be a step in the right direction. This may be all that can be achieved at the moment.

Is this a permanent relationship for your sister do you think? Is there a possibility of him coming to live with them full time?

Message withdrawn

Yes I would agree Pruni. I think there is something worrying about the mother's behaviour and she could still have post natal depression or something. Not sure what your sister can do really - if she were to interfere it might cause even more distress. It is very sad to hear about the poor little boy's life, but I would always hesitate to judge because it sounds like the whole family are having it really tough.

I would emphasise the need to keep it fairly low key. If they try too hard then it may just make things worse.

Am a bit at "life is too short for p*ssing around with cocktail sticks". Everyone has their own opinion, but this seems a bit harsh.

I spent a significant part of my childhood starving myself. I rarely ate school dinners (except puddings) and generally seemed to live on packet jellies and fish fingers. I drove my mum to insanity with it all.

I didn't really try a variety of foods until I was 18! So I understand what is going on better than some, I have probably put inordinate amounts of effort in, but it is reaping rewards. My daughter does eat fruit and vegetables and does have a reasonably healthy diet.

I don't think life is too short - your children's diet is a big part of looking after them.

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Has your sister and bf tried letting him choose his own plate a cuttlery for when he stays. Mothercare and ToyRUs have a huge range of all childrens fav characters. Might go a way to encouraging him at the table - and should not bother his mum as all they are doing in that sense is helping him cope with life at a different house.

My own DD(3) is very fussy. I make homemade soups and serve her saugsages in a very shallow pool of soup. This way I at least get some goodness in to her. Also I do loads of baking and let her join in so she can see the process start to finish and enjoys eating the outcome.