Fussy 2 year old

[MrsBlowers]

This is my first time on MumsNet, here goes. My nearly 2yr old son used to be quiet good with food then got quiet fussy just after his 1st birthday. His acceptable teatime meals gradually dropped to three things - shepherds pie, fish pie & fish fingers with alphabites. In the last three weeks it is now just fish fingers & alphabites if I am lucky. He has always refused chicken, pasta, rice, pizza, sausages, pastry, tomatoes, beans (the list goes on). If I force the issue and manage to get even a tiny piece into his mouth he gags &/or vomits it all back. Shepherds pie used to be his absolute favourite and I was gradually making it more lumpy to encourage chewing & including lots of veg. Three weeks ago he happily ate every morsel of the latest batch - tonight he refused to even touch the spoon that had the food on it. I try not to get wound up, I let him feed himself, I have cut out snacks in the afternoon, he only has milk after meal time - I just don't know what else to do. Can a child live on one piece of toast in the morning, a rice pudding for lunch and a fromage frais for dinner? Have I been too soft? Help please.

TBH Can't help at all I don't think but am bumping this for you so that some more experienced Mums may be able to help. Good luck!

Hi there and welcome to mumsnet.I too have a fussy eater!!!Like yours he was pretty good til he hit about 18 months then it all went pear shaped.Now nearly 3 he is gradually getting better.

TBH I think,from bitter experience the worst thing to do is stress about it your child will pick up on your stress(Easier said than done,I know).From about a year appetites decrease considerably,and I found I was somewhat overestimating his requirements.As my very sensible hv said to me,no child will actually starve themselves.Your job is to offer a healthy as balanced as poss diet,it is the childs job to eat it!!!

I also cut out snacks in daytime,unless a long time between meals,when I offered fruit.(Dunno if your little one likes this?).I also stopped milk in betwwen snacks as this is filling.I found that giving at least one food he liked,vegetables and a carb on his plate.If he did not eat it I would not fuss but just remove the food and tell him there was nothing else until next meal.Sounds harsh but had to be consistent.

Now he has better language skills it is a bit easier to coerce him...ie if you eat 3 spoons of dinner you can have a pudding or whatever incentive.Lots of praise for eating well.

My friend was rtelling me that you have to offer a food about 20 times before a child may accept it not sure of truth of this but keep offering different things but dont stress if not eaten first time.She swears by pureed veg for doing "hidden veg" sauce.I also find ds doesnt like cetain textures,but as he gets older this is getting better.Repeat "Its a phase" 20x daily topo yourself.It may take time but willget better eventuallly!!!!Many sympathies.

1st dont worry... its completely normal for chidlren to do this sort of thing!

also remember that no child has ever starved themselves to death, rather than eat!

also stop feeding what you think he wants to eat.... and start feeding what you want him to eat

basically:
give him breakfast at breakfast time... what u want him to have.
If he eats great, loads of praise, if not take it away and forget all about food until lunch time

at lunch time offer meal
if eaten great... maybe offer a pudding.... yogurt etc.... (or what you want him to have)
if not take away and forget about food til tea time

at tea time offer what you want him to eat. If eaten great.... if not forget about it til breakfast time

repeat the above for as long as it takes for 2 year old to realise that the food that is offered is all that thre is

needless to say dont offer any snacks between meals for a child who hasnt eaten / most of their main meal.

Also if they dont eat only offer water until the next meal

it wont take more than a few days max for hungry child to start eating!

PS i started a new nanny job in september.... my 3 year old charge ate "sauasegs, fishfinger, beans, cheese, ham, chips, mash and plain pasta...

since being there he now eats literally ANYTHING..... casserole, pasta bake, fish (now LOVES salmon, spag bol, curry, rice, any fruit and veg, etc, jacket potoes including skin, salad, chilli con carne, ANYTHING!

good luck!

Thanks for your messages, I have just been moaning on the phone to a friend with exactly the same problems so I will pass your tips on. The lack of communication is adding to my frustrations, ds only says mama, dada, nana reliably and I worry that his issues with food texture and chewing is affecting his speech progression. Other kids his age seem to be chattering away and eating everything! What are thoughts on how small/soft food should be at this age? Could I be expecting too much? And how long is reasonable amount of time to give a 2yr old to eat? I usually make it half an hour.

by 2 years old they should be cutting ANYTHING cut up small...

my 14 month old charge has eaten excatly the same meal as me EVERY meal since i started looking after him aged 12 months...

i hvae NEVER pureed or mashed anything (except mash potatoe), tho i do cu stuff up with my knife and let him get on with it...

some children do eat REALLY slowly! i personally think that after 30 / 45 mins thats long enough for food to be taken away and they can wait until next meal! if they really were that hungry they would have eaten faster and next meal is never more than a few hours away!

also food doesnt need to be soft at all! my 14 mnth old loves raw carrot and that is about as hard as food gets!!

by 12 months old they should be able to eat any normal adult meal (not adult portion obvioulsy) just cut up small!

obvioulsy an adult should be cutting it up small and the child eating it!!!

Hi Mrsblowers - my dd has just been through this, she's 2.2. Used to eat a good diet and then just stopped. It got so bad that we were almost forcing her to eat and she would then 'hamster' the food in her cheeks for hours. We realised that we had been 'babying' her for too long - i.e. making her separate meals and expecting her to eat them by herself with us watching. I've found that by having her eat the same as us (or slightly adapted if necessary) has been a great help. I have also started getting her to 'help' - this mainly involves her standing on a big chair guddling in the sink while I make dinner but she is showing a much greater interest. So my advice, if you're not doing it already, is get him eating the same as you, at the same time as you. Hope it works out - it is sooo difficult not to get stressed when they are like this.

I'd cut out the rice pudding and fromage frais, I'm afraid. Kids do prefer sweet things, and will eat them rather than savoury things. Offer fruit as dessert, that's enough.

If he's managing toast just fine, then he's not having mouth issues.

It sounds like food is becoming a battlefield. I wouldn't keep track of what he's willing to eat, just offer lots of food and leave him to it.

I do think stubbornness and unwillingness to try new things is normal at this age. And it's a tricky balance between forcing them to eat food (a mistake imo) and just giving them what you know they'll eat.

How much milk does he have per day? Is he on formula or cow's milk?

I agree with weeboagie - eating together at the table is a crucial tool in getting kids to eat better.

mrs blowers
doe s he drink too much milk?
or is he sipping at it through out the day.
when my dd had a poor appetite i took her to a nutrionist with a holistic side, and one of the things she pointed to me which was INVALUABLE
is that milk coats the lining of the owesphagus and stomach and can quench appetite.
so if he is a milk drinker try reducing it or diluting it if he loves it.
also a few days starvation wont harm him, and make eating on the run fun, ie when you go for a walk or playpark bring some fruit snacks or in the car on a journey - change the atmosphere where he is eating to challenge his taste buds/hungry from running around travelling.

make him feel grown up about eating too dont mollie coddle him, encourage him to be like bob or hoever is his fav character - in a mild way, not talking full on therapy here just in case you think i am.

talk about your shopping list and is there anything he'd like to go on it - make a game about food in the shopping centre - thats if he goes shopping with you - and get him to find things.
fresh air round 4pm and no food til dinner can help.

it ll be a long process but he will come round - ditch the stuff you dont feel happy with and you will be able to encourage his appetite.

my dd was atrocious and my firneds could all tell u about her. now shes brilliant. still wont eat nutty bread or potato but i can work round that for her nutrionL NEEDS AND encourage tasting

good lcuk

What a difference a day makes! Thanks to everyone who posted advice & good wishes. I woke this morning with new found resolve to grin & bear food in the same way I have done with sleep tantrums (& ds is a star at bedtime). I admit I took the easy option with tea tonight by cooking fish fingers but I involved ds in getting them out of the freezer, cooked one for myself, sat him at the table instead of in his highchair & sat with him, held his hands with his cutlery to cut up the food, let him feed himself while I ate mine, took the plate away when he showed he'd had enough (the most eaten ever!), then we both had yoghurt, then grapes then milk! I know I have only won a battle & not the war but it was an encouraging start. Tomorrow we will try something new - wish me luck! [wink}

Just re-read all the other postings and wanted to answer some of the questions - no such thing as too much advice! Fruit is accepted, grapes, apples & pears fresh, most other things mushed together (smoothies, purees etc), raisins, dried blueberries, dried cherries. I try to keep these handy for on the go snacks or alternative desserts, fromage frais is only once a day. When he was eating well his routine was milk, toast & cereal for breakfast, a cheesy toasted muffin & fruit for lunch with juice, a few bread sticks or biscuits in the afternoon, a hot meal at 5pm with milk and a yoghurt (eaten at the same time, not main then dessert) with more fruit after. This was the norm from around March till approx 3 weeks ago. I have always sat with him to eat, although not always eaten myself, and at the weekend he sits at the dining table with me, my husband and my mother for our roast dinner, although he has had his meal & has a fruit snack while we eat. He does pay attention to what we do with our food but refuses to try any of it. We just showed him some roast chicken last Sunday and he pulled the most disgusted face & almost gagged! I will however start to cut up a serving of our meal and offer it to him from this weekend. I must also remember to make my portion of food smaller when I sit down to eat with my husband or I am going to get huge eating two meals every evening!