Tantrums and food ...

[NotQuiteCockney]

I am "consistent" about food, I think is a nice way to put it. DS2 has just turned two, and is tantrumming in a big way. One of his triggers appears to be hunger. He would happily live on fruit, dried fruit, carb (ideally white) and anything v sweet or salty he can get his mitts on. Do I just let him eat what I know he'll eat, and carry snacks a lot? Oh, he'd live on hardboiled eggs.

The tantrums are killing me. But I don't really want him to live on biscuits and fruit ... I should just cope?

I have 2 yr old ds also and he is in the tantrumming phase too. Definitely hunger is a trigger for my ds so if he hasn't eaten for a short while and becomes grumpy first thing I do is give him food. Luckily he is very keen on fruit so if gets hungry between meals usually a banana or some raisins does the trick. Can't see a problem giving healthy snacks between meals.
Meal times became a battle for a short while when he decided to become fussy about what was on his plate. I just continued to give him his usual meals and ignored any fuss he made while the rest of us continued to eat, he soon got bored and realised his dinner wouldn't get replaced with biscuits as per his demands and he started eating again.

Ah, but at mealtimes, he mostly just eats the carb on his plate, and not the rest, unless it is particularly tempting. He is at the neophobia stage, he refuses to try new foods, generally.

Currently I am putting no pressure on him, and offering no alternatives at meal times ... but I fear all the snacking is causing problems. I guess none of the snacks are unhealthy though, I should probably just sit it out a bit.

I do also give him the carb beside the sauce, as I find putting the sauce/stir fry/whatever on the carb means he won't eat the carb, either.

Hmm, and I probably should give him hard-boiled eggs as a snack more, just to get some protein into him ...

Arse. This has gotten a lot worse. DS2 was ill on Friday night (vomiting, repeatedly, in the middle of the night ). Now he's not too keen on food, shocker. It's a bug I've had, and that DH seems to have, too - we didn't get vomiting, but we did get the trots and no interest in food.

So DS2 is really hungry, or at least has low blood sugar. He doesn't want to eat (although he woke from hunger at 4am last night, hurrah), but he does want to shout "no mummy no mummy no mummy" until his throat is sore.

I guess I need to work on distraction more. He often wants to hold food at the moment (and he's full of energy, and although he has the trots, he's still peeing, so I think he's ok), but doesn't want to eat, and I just don't think I can cope with another nightmare tantrum ...

more info please! Are the humdinger tantrums about food / at the table or is he just generally tantrummy? Does he sit in a highchair?

Sorry to hear about your nights lately, you must be exhausted

He's generally tantrummy. They're not generally about food - they're often about clothes, or sometimes I can't tell what he's angry about.

He has a trip-trap. He sits reasonably well at the table, but is very suspicious of new foods - he generally just eats fruit and carbs.

I am probably inconsistent wrt his tantrums. I waver between a) just doing what I need to do, putting the clothes on and getting out, b) trying to offer choices and lure/distract him out of the tantrum, c) getting fed up, wandering off and leaving him to it d) giving big hugs and trying to calm him.

I wouldn't say you sound inconsistent, the thing with tantrums is that you DO have to try this that and the other to try and stop them coming and nothing works every time! Once he is tantrumming good and proper there may be little you can do to stop it anyway - I found with my ds that my presence even in the same room, would 'feed' his anger - so I would remove the audience and go away to sit in my bedroom or wherever sometimes. Once the worst anger is over then try cuddles/distraction, whichever works better with your ds...

I did find this age a very 'labour intensive' one with my ds, he needed me down on the floor with him doing lots of playing and this full on involvement sometimes I think can help you to be on-hand to prevent frustrations boiling over. But of course you need to cook, do laundry or whatever as well so to be honest I would not agonise, ALL children have tantrums and quite alot of them at this age is more the norm than otherwise I think....

with the food thing I would let him hold food as much as he likes, even if he's not eating at the mo - it's all part of his independence and he will like the fact that he can control food sometimes not just you! Put veg in a bowl on the table and tell him NOT to eat them and also let him pinch stuff from your plate if he's interested. As he gets a bit older you could make it a challenge saying you bet he can't eat all those peas....he'll NEVER manage that whole carrot...kids are sooooooo competitive!

And bear in mind the neophobia is a pretty short phase, he will come out of it.

Stay relaxed and let him have some control over his food and you'll be fine I reckon (when he's well!)

Yeah, I know it'll be fine. The tantrums are just a bit of a shock, his older brother never did it this badly.

He really does get furious. It's not normally frustration, he's very patient and will just keep trying whatever he's doing. It's not normally about wanting my attention, either. It's normally about me doing something to him that he doesn't like (dressing him, generally), or me not letting him do what he wants (e.g. him trying to "help" me put the bike together, when I'm in a hurry and worried I'll pinch his fingers).

I guess if a need for my attention isn't the trigger for the tantrum, I don't have to see paying attention as "giving in" to the tantrum.

I think I'll try to head things off more, and be aware of when I'm doing things that are likely to set him off. He gets so angry. I know it's normal, but DS1 never did this, not like this.

He wants me with him when he's tantrumming, he's angry at me, and he wants me there. Cuddles do seem to help, sometimes, if he'll accept them.

Oh, yes, and he follows me from room to room if I get annoyed or angry and decide to go away.