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Original poster

Opinions from those with children 5-10 years

22 replies

toddlerbob · 07/04/2004 05:14

My MIL has invited a family from the UK to my house for lunch on Good Friday. They have a kid about 5 and another about 10. We have a 13 month old ds.

MIL called to see if their was anything she could bring and I said that it was okay I was just going to make sandwiches and hot cross buns. Anyway she starts giving me this big tale about how the boys only eat dry bread, plain pasta, drink 3 glasses of milk each and are really fussy. I said they could either pick apart what I offered and take the bits they like, or they could bring their own food. I have just spent 7 months feeding my ds food without eggs, milk, banana, red fruit, sultanas and about a million other things because he has allergic reactions to them and I refuse to pander to some kids who just don't like stuff.

Anyway it's been left that MIL will bring their "special" food and a gallon of milk and I will feed everyone else. But I did wonder what you would expect your older kids to do when at someone else's house. I only have experience of toddlers.

OP posts:

Freckle · 07/04/2004 07:09

My 3 are fairly fussy, but I don't expect anyone else to pander to their whims. Unless they had an intolerance to something, I'd expect them to eat what everyone else is eating, whether they like or not. I would also make it abundantly clear to the host/ess that they shouldn't worry if the boys don't eat anything. They'll eat if they are hungry enough.

tigermoth · 07/04/2004 07:17

I've got a 4 year old and a 9 year old and I would expect them to eat the food on offer, within reason. There are one or two things they are not keen on. I would mention these to a host if asked, but also say in the same breath, they will be happy with most other things.

However one of my older son's friends is a very fussy eater and will refuse food if it is not to his liking. His mother says do not worry about him not eating - don't cater for him especially. I try and get things in he likes, though, but only if my own children will eat them too. If he still says 'no' I don't make a fuss. Since he is a guest, I might give him a packet of crisps, but I don't offer him the whole contents of the sweet and biscuit cupboard for the sake of saying I have fed him.

In your shoes, why not have some plain pasta to hand and if all else fails, you can offer them this. If they still won't eat, assume they're not hungry.

mummysurfer · 07/04/2004 08:41

My 2 are told to eat what they can or leave it without fuss. it gets on my nerves when kids are rude and proudly say they don't like this or that.
if we have friends over i do 'make your own'. put out dry bread,butter,ham, sliced cheese, other sandwich fillers,toms,cucumber, pickles, and all children make their own, choosing what they like.it works 2 ways - they don't have to have it if they don't like it plus it slows them down to an adults pace. this seems to work from about 3 up.

hope you get something sorted out so that it doesn't spoil your day. you never know it may be your mil who is making the fuss and the family may be much more laid back.

have a good easeter

charliecat · 07/04/2004 08:46

Im with Freckle on this one. If my two 6+3 are going for lunch or dinner somewhere I say give them a little of anything but they might not eat it, they often do though, and dont worry if they dont eat a thing as I can always give them something later.
If we are going to someones house for the day I tend to take a picnic with me with things in it for everyone as a whole day without them eating isnt nice and they end up being tired and hungry which isnt pleasant.

FairyMum · 07/04/2004 08:49

I sort of agree with your principle, but think that a bit of plain bread and pasta would be easy to provide. Seems like you are sticking to your principle for the sake of the principle and not because it would really put you out in any way.....

aloha · 07/04/2004 09:02

What do you mean your MIL has invited another family to your house on Good Friday??? Did you OK this? Why has she invited them? It all sounds very odd to me and I can understand that if you don't want them there the idea of pandering to their whims as well as having them in your house does sound incredibly annoying.

SEXGODDESS · 07/04/2004 09:06

My dd is a picky eater I'm afraid but ds will eat virtually anything. So if we go to friends for dinner dd will have to eat what's on offer or go without until we get home (although I do ensure any meals beforehand are substantial). I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to cater purely for my kids (and I wouldn't cater for faddy eaters unless there was intolerance/allergy). So can I come instead.......

aloha · 07/04/2004 09:10

Sonnet · 07/04/2004 09:39

Like the idea of make your own mummysurfer....I'll remember that one.

I have a 3 yr old and 7 yr old - they are not fussy eaters though. I would expect them to eat what everybody else eats BUT if I was going soemwhere they had not been before - particularly in this case - I would ensure they had a filling breakfast before hand or a snack before we left just in case lunch was not at all to their liking.

I think if they eat dry bread I would be tempted to do a "make your own" as mummy surfer suggested or dry pasta and a choice of 2 sauces as would suit adults and children..
Good luck

Jaybee · 07/04/2004 10:31

We are very lucky in that our two (10 & 7) will eat a wide variety of things - there are things that they do not like (dd salad, ds ummm a few veg that's it) but we have never been anywhere where it has been a problem.
One of ds' friends is exceptionally fussy - or awkward rather than fussy (eats with his fingers too which really bugs me but that is another story). One day he will eat chips another day they are not the right chips gggrrrrr.
I have to admit that I find fussy eaters a bit of a pain and I just put a variety of things on the table and let them help themselves.
Dd has a few friends that have food allergies (one dairy and one gluten) and I asked both of the mums to give me a list of snacky type things that I can give them and I always ensure I have some suitable food in the house when they are coming round.
Have to say that your MIL sounds like mine - she has a tendency to extend an invite to her to include who she likes to come to my house. I ended up with 16 for Boxing Day lunch a few years ago.

Nutcracker · 07/04/2004 10:34

I always tell my kids that when they go to someone elses house that they are to eat what they are given and not complain about it.
Most moms will ask if there is anything that they don't like, but then i only say the stuff that i know they reall hate and not just things they dislike occasionally.

bundle · 07/04/2004 10:39

no wonder they don't have a proper diet if they're still drinking that much milk

lou33 · 07/04/2004 10:47

I would expect mine to at least try some of it. If they didn't like it, they would have to wait until they got home to eat. Mine are 3,5,7,12.

Original poster

toddlerbob · 07/04/2004 10:50

Mummysurfer - I agree that it may just be MIL who has bent over backwards and is completely being taken advantage of. They are staying with her atm.

Aloha - I know... but my dh is now taking the blame so I told him he could feed them, clean the house etc.

So dh rang his mum and she reveals they are vegetarian - didn't think to mention that before then? At this point he said "so it's cheese sandwiches all around, followed by hotcross buns and we have plenty of water in the tap".

Bundle - I thought the same as you about the milk, they just think its really great the kids don't drink fizzy drinks.

Bloomin families - 10 people on Good Friday. Next year I'm going on holiday.

OP posts:

FairyMum · 07/04/2004 10:55

Can you not just make some pasta with pesto and serve with salad and a baguette? Problem solved, isn't it?

Original poster

toddlerbob · 07/04/2004 11:12

I think I will do that - it sounds very nice and I will enjoy it even if nobody else does.

OP posts:

Nin253 · 07/04/2004 11:20

I was a fussy eater (my mum swore I grew up on bread, potatoes & fresh air!) so I have tried hard not to let mine (DSs of 11 & 6) be. Doesn't always work to plan, does it?!

Give the kids what is convenient to you and to them - don't break your back to suit them, but equally don't let it be a huge problem.

Good luck! I think the 'feed themselves' idea wil go down best with the kids.

suedonim · 07/04/2004 13:18

I'd expect my children to try what was on offer or they'd have to go without. Missing one meal isn't a disaster.

Having said which, if someone comes here and their child doesn't like what we're having, I will offer something else, as long as it's easy to prepare - eg a Marmite sandwich.

Demented · 07/04/2004 21:35

I wouldn't expect anyone to pander either, my DS1, aged five is a good eater anyway but I wouldn't expect anyone to make him anything different if we were visiting. I often find when at someone else's house that my children will either refuse something they normally eat or eat something I would normally expect them to refuse so it's a bit of a gamble anyway.

roisin · 07/04/2004 21:52

My boys (4 and 6) are very good eaters, don't snack, and are usually hungry for a meal, so will nearly always eat whatever is put in front of them anyway.

We've just had friends to stay for 3 days, and their girls (same age) are pretty fussy. I asked advice in advance as to what they like, but I think it does vary from day to day according to whim. So I tried to prepare things they might like, but if they didn't want it, they just had sandwiches or toast. ... Seemed to work OK. Actually after they'd spent some time at 'our pace' = LOTS of fresh air and exercise, and no snacks, they were pretty hungry for meals too and ate much better than usual

Original poster

toddlerbob · 09/04/2004 07:53

Whew, they've gone.

They didn't eat much, but at my request remained at the table (I sat at the children's table - conversation was better!)I asked them to think of ways to behave at the table that they could show my ds because he has no brothers to show him.

The 5 yo came up with some good stuff, but the 9 year old's suggestions were:

"to move food around your plate so it looks as if you've eated some" and "how to hide at mealtimes."

The 9yo also threw a tantrum because my ds "cheated" at bowling (he's 13 months old).

When he complained NZ cucumbers are different to at home, I just asked him what else was different and he forgot he was complaining/just saying stuff for the sake. My favourite though was the looks on their face when I asked them to take their plates back to the kitchen. The shock!

OP posts:

Jaybee · 23/04/2004 16:27

Missed this - they sound like spoilt little brats that have been completely pandered to all their lives. Probably your MIL was sick of them too which is why she wanted to bring them along to yours - so you could share her despair.

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