have just had massive row with DD about not eating, messed it up, how reset?

[LuckyC]

Argh poor DD who is 4. Just had a big shout at her about not eating. Disaster, argh, argh.

She has got fussier and fussier and now is refusing just about everything.

How can we get out of this terrible loop where she does not eat and I get cross?

I think you just have to serve the meal, if she does n't eat it, that's fine, take it away,don't make a fuss and don't get angry. She'll eat when she's hungry.

However, to encourage her to eat, how about letting her cook with you. She might be more inclined to eat it if she has helped prepare it.

Also, how about asking her what she wants to eat, and to help you to plan meals.

I empathise hugely - it's so frustrating!

DS2 (2) is going through a fussy stage and to stop myself wanting to literally force feed him when he says 'I don't like it' before even trying it I've had to put the food in front of him along with the other 2DCs and just walk away. Its starting to work. He was hungry tonight (as no snacks this afternoon) and after a great deal of spitting and gagging on the first 2 mouthfuls he actually ate it all!

With the older two, letting them get involved in cooking really did help. Easy things like homemade pizza etc. (if you are worried about veg you could make a 'hidden veg' tomato sauce) or try looking at cookery books with lots of pictures to find out what she might like to try?

I have a fussy 4 year old and most days I will give him food from his limited repertoire, one day during the week plus at weekends he has to eat what we are all eating, these are the only times everybody is home. He has school dinners so he won't starve (they are nice dinners!). He announced that our shared dinner was disgusting several times tonight, sigh we all ignored him and all said it was delicious then he ate some. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Mix food they like on the same plate as new food.

All good strategies. I like the planning with her idea. I tend to chase her out kytchen when I am cooking but will definitely try and involve her more.

And I am seriously going to do five-minute meditation before every meal for next week.

lady if your DS doesn't eat, what do you do?

And what do you do about pudding (which is generally fruit, yoghurt etc)?

If DS doesn't eat at all I have on occasion offered something simple like bread and butter or a piece of cheese, but I try not to overdo it in the hope he will be hungry for the next meal. I then try and make sure the next meal is something he likes. Or as someone said above offer a 'variety' plate with lots of different things on it. Doesn't always work.

I also try and take a view as to what he's eaten over the whole day or over the last couple of days - which is normally more than it seems like when a particular meal has been rejected or chucked on the floor.

I read somewhere a while back that to 'normalise' the situation it's best to react as little as possible & not to make a big deal out of dessert. I.e. don't say 'if you don't eat x then you can't have y'.

So offer the main course, and then offer the dessert which if it's only fruit doesn't seem too bad to me. At least DD will have eaten something.

I'm no expert as my older 2 DCs are generally quite good eaters (although they've had their moments especially with regards to new food - hence getting them involved in the cooking) so it's all new to me. But the above seems to be working OK and saving my sanity not to get too het up about food being rejected. I also have to remind myself of all the things I didn't like as a child and now love - it gives me hope!

God, it's like she has been taken over by a weird alien who lives on air and running.

Thanks lady

I am going to try and do a meal plan with her this week and then let her cook with me, so she gets some control. Definitely the variety plate and only fruit and yoghurt for pudding so she can have that if she tries something in round one.

Something I've had limited success with is putting new foods in small pots for dd's dinosaurs to eat.

This way she gets familiar with the texture of the food with no pressure, and might even try a bit.

I don't want her to cotton on to my plan, so I don't do it often, but it's worked with cereal, and she tried some cauliflower but didn't like it.

Next it'll be noodles.

Nb: I don't do dinosaur feeding time at mealtimes, just while she's playing.

Ds2 is 4. There are times when he really does seem to run on thin air.

But I remember ds1 was the same at that age. They seem to go from chubby toddler to thin bean child at that age, and their appetite just vanishes for a bit.

Came back fine in time with ds1, who now eats for England (is still skinny though).

I would just chill it. She is extremely unlikely to starve herself to death if she has varied healthy food available.

What does she eat?

I had a very fussy child who, as an adult, will now eat almost anything. She had a very limited variety of foods that she would eat and an almost inexhaustible supply of will power.

We quickly decided that making mealtimes a battlefield was never going to work and that, for family harmony, we would feed her what she would eat within reason. She survived perfectly well - never sick, endless energy and very bright and has gradually added all sorts of unlikely things to her favourite foods. Loves seafood and has an unlikely passion for courgettes and brussel sprouts.

Just realised that it may be the amount she eats, rather than the variety. Is that right? If so ignore what I've just said.

Whatever you do, DON'T give snacks between meals, or follow her round all day offering her food.
I had a friend who did this, she even bought the child build up type drinks.
The child ended up huge.

Just make regular meals, offer, allow time to eat, then clear away until next meal time.