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Original poster

Help with fussy three year old

24 replies

Overrun · 14/08/2006 15:29

I know that this has been covered before, but as some of you know, when your child doesn't eat most of what you cook, it really feels like a big deal.
Our situation is this, I have three boys, three year old (problem eater) and twins who are 21 months they seem okay atm
I think the problem stems from just before twins were born, in short sucession we moved to different part of the country, then I was in hospital with complications of the pregnancy and then the twins came and I didn't really have my eye on the ball as far as food goes, prob gave too much finger food as it was easier.
I think it is very behavioural on his part, because of when it started and because occasionally he seems to forget himself and eats quite sophisticated foods, eg tinned anchovies, broad beans.
Currently he will only eat apple, no other fresh fruit and veg. He will eat dried dates and dried blueberries.
He has started to improve on the protein front and will now enjoy most meats and will eat cheese again. Also will eat white and pink (salmon) fish.
He loves bread, weetabix, porridge.
My problem is that he is just so inconsistent, I know young chilren are, but he changes from meal to meal. One day he will eat something and the next day he will swear blind that he doesn't like it.
We are probably making loads of mistakes, but here is what we are doing.
Star chart, gets a star if he tries a food.
Not giving him any special food but expecting him to eat what we eat. Having said that, I will usually give him a meal where he likes at least one thing and there is a small amount of something that he hasn't tried, or used to like (the list is endless). He is not allowed more of the food he likes if he doesn't try something new.
We don't lose our temper (rarely!), and apart from chart try not to make a big deal out of it.
Sorry for length of post, any suggestions welcome.
Should we just chill out, or keep trying?

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEwife · 14/08/2006 15:37

chill out imo
it is part of a power struggle on his behalf
carry on what you are doing
but try to look not bothered
he will soon realise this and start trying other foods

other mns will come and ofer better advice
good luck
xxx

ps have you tried him eating elsewhere, like an aunties etc
as my nephew would only eat pork pies around this age [and nothing else}
until he came and had tea at my house and i gave him chicken roast dinnner
he devoured the lot without even hesitattig and sil couldnt believe it

Original poster
Overrun · 14/08/2006 15:45

I expect you are right desperatescousewife, but sometimes I go through a worrying phase. His health is not fantastic, and I would so love for him to be getting lots of vitamins as sure this would help

OP posts:
Thomcat · 14/08/2006 15:57

Chill out and keep trying, imo.

Just keep offering healthy foods and don't let it worry you, he'll eat when he's hungry.
Also imo kids don't like too much variety. They know what they like and they like to stick to it, so don't try too hard.
Just be pleased he does eat apple, and cheese and fish. Some mothers would be so envious of that!
Give him all his fav things and just put a 3 or 4 carrots on the plate too. Don't expect him to eat them but one day he might just pop it in his mouth and love it.
Make mealtimes fun. Make faces out of the food. Play a game where you make a face and the nose is a carrot, and say 'don't eat his nose will you or he won't be able to smell' and then giggle. If he doesn't take you up on the game (which is to eat the nose) then pop it in your own mouth and laugh and say 'ohhh no, now he's got no nose how can he small?' and then snuffle him and make him giggle.
Works for me anyway.

Thomcat · 14/08/2006 16:01

You can get multivitamin drops that you drop onto their tounge. or I think you can drop them into some water.

How about making smoothies and letting him put the fruit in the blender, talking about it with him. "wow, look at that beautiful red strawberry' etc.

Play shops???

Buy plastic fruit and veg and play with it. Taech him his solours using fruit and veg. Play counting with peas etc, count out 5 peas and then eat one and say 'ohhh no, now there's only 4', laughing and giggling with him.

Original poster
Overrun · 14/08/2006 19:46

thanks thomcat, great suggestions. i sort of have tried most of them, the playing with toy food which he loves and also I am into cooking and he likes to help, but thats as far as it goes.
i guess the only thing left for me to do, is to chill out

OP posts:
Tommy · 14/08/2006 19:58

know how you feel Overrun. I have a 4.7 DS who refuses to try new things. I have swung between just giving him what he wants to crying and screaming at him when he won't co-operate
I have tried growing food, preparing food, looking up recipes and shopping for ingredients, play food (he loves pretend cooking!) star charts etc etc etc.
I think what Thomact said about just putting the food on his plate and not saying anything but keep doing it even though it irks me to buy, cook and serve food that I know will end up in the dustbin but I really think it is the only way forward!.
Good luck - you are certainly not alone in this

Original poster
Overrun · 14/08/2006 20:01

Thanks Tommy, it's a common problem isn't it? I will keep just cooking for the family, and putting it on his plate and not saying anything. I find it hard to ignore it all when he start demanding seconds of the stuff he does like while not even trying the other things. I say no, and then he just whinges and complains through the whole meal

OP posts:
fennel · 14/08/2006 20:39

you could try focusing on the twins, praising them for their eating. having a younger sibling who eats better can be a spur to the older one to be a bit more grown up about eating too. and it would take some of the tension off the older boy.

Reece · 14/08/2006 21:22

You are so not alone on this.
My DS is 2.9. He became a fussy eater at around 16 mths when his brother came into the world. He has rarely eaten any fruit (only, dried)and refuses to try any vegetable.

I simply make vegetable soups/smoothies/blend veg. into meals etc and that way he doesn't know he is eating them.

I also have been consistently offering him new things and I put a vegetable with most meals. He leaves the veg. every time but I am still going to put them onto the plate. 1 day, oh 1 day he will try.(please)

He has started to eat larger portions of food and try new foods more since I relaxed about it all and let him take the lead. If he leaves any food I say 'oh well you mustn't be hungry then' and thats it. I leave it at that.

It seems to be working.

Original poster
Overrun · 14/08/2006 21:27

Thanks fennel and reece.
I think the twin thing is a tricky issue, as he regresses quite a lot, obviously feels its great being their age. I have tried to praise their good eating, but he just regresses and says "I'm a baby", he remains impervious to any form of peer pressureOnly wants to be like them when it suits him the little bugger!
I will just keep putting veg on his plate like you say Reece, and maybe one day.... It really is irritating isn't it wasting all that food?
HOpe your ds continues to improve

OP posts:
Reece · 14/08/2006 22:03

Yep its really irritating but I just got sick of being stressed about it.

I think DS used food for a long time as a way of getting my attention. Now I am playing it cool he is improving.

Try not to get down about it and chill out. Its only when you chill that things can get better.

Whenever DS1 has a bad eating day I just remind myself that he won't ever starve and will eat anything if he is really really hungry. If he misses a meal - So what? He will eat the next one.

fennel · 15/08/2006 09:54

my dd2 hardly ate a vegetable for months aged about 2, now at 4 she eats them quite willingly, not all veg but she has improved immensely over the last couple of years.

i think with her the breakthrough was bribery, she only got cheese, or pudding, or whatever, if she ate a bit of veg.

Original poster
Overrun · 15/08/2006 12:30

Fennel, I do hope that this is what happens with my ds1. He has improved in terms of meat and fish, but this seems to have been at the expense of fruit and veg> Two steps forward and one step back springs to mind

OP posts:
Reece · 15/08/2006 23:11

Well you will never believe this!
I did the weekly shop this morning and DS helped pick out all the fruit and veg.
When we got home I put some fruit into a bowl and put it in the middle of the kitchen table and put the remainder of the fruit in another bowl on the other side of the kitchen for the kids to reach should they shock me and take some to eat.

Well, DS1 and I sat at the table doing jigsaws this afternoon. He asked for an orange. I chopped off the skin, took out the pips and cut it into small pieces. He watched the whole time. I put the pieces into a small bowl and he ate the whole lot!!!!!.

He then asked for a banana and ate that as well!!! What is going on? I am so happy. DS2 watched and they he ate a banana as well {grin].

Original poster
Overrun · 17/08/2006 15:26

Really pleased for you Reece, has the improvement continued?

OP posts:
Reece · 17/08/2006 21:52

Hi overun. How are you getting on?
Yes things are going well here.
DS is eating some orange and banana every day. He keeps asking for it. I can't keep up now and have to go off and buy more tomorrow.

I offered both sons some chopped up pear this afternoon. DS1 - not interested in this one yet but DS2 devoured it

Keep trying overun. It might take 2 years like it took my DS but its worth it when you see them enjoying it at long last.

Original poster
Overrun · 18/08/2006 11:44

thanks Reece, I will keep trying, I guess that is all I can do. He did eat half a banana this morning, thank heaven for small mercies!

OP posts:
Reece · 18/08/2006 15:06

Half a banana is fantastic in my book! I'm over the moon when DS eats a quarter!

Original poster
Overrun · 18/08/2006 21:33

god how sad are we no seriously, we have just got to take it slowly and it will happen. I was very demoralised at dinner though. Last night managed to get him to eat half a grape for a chocolate moose that we were all having as a treat.
Tonight I tried to tempt him with a quarter of a strawberry drenched in greek yog (which he likes), at stake was his weekly prize. A thomas book no less (and he is obsessed with Thomas). He has to get more stickers than crosses in a week to get his prize. I explained that to him, was very calm, said it was up to him. Did say "you seemed pleased with yourself when you tried that grape" to which he nodded mournfully.
Still he wouldn't try the fucking strawberry!!!!

OP posts:
Reece · 18/08/2006 21:51

lol overun.
Yes we are sad but at least we can use humour about it.
1 of our neighbours came around to us this evening and asked if we would like to go around for a play (the kids)and a glass of wine (me )
Whilst we were there we went out to their back garden. It was amazing. They grow so much fruit!!!! Strawberries, peaches!!!!, lemons, limes, apples, redcurrants...the list goes on.
Anyway DS and their little girl really enjoyed picking the red currants and then stuffing them into their mouths!!!! DS bought a whole pot full of them home for DH but sat on the sofa eating them himself. I think he has started a love affair with fruit.I can'r believe it. I don't really know what has brought this on but I am definatley going to grow my own tomatoes, raspberries etc next year. It will be great for the kids to see them growing and eventually being able to eat them.

Sorry for boring you but I am overcome about this.

Original poster
Overrun · 20/08/2006 20:22

Well maybe I could fit an orchard into our garden if I tried, and I have always wanted to grow my own veg, as you say, if it works....

OP posts:
bagpussmice · 20/08/2006 20:33

reece and overrun, can I ask how old your lo's are that you are talking about. sorry never read your threads before, but just seen this one and read with interest as my nearly 3 yr old dd2 will not touch fruit. she gets offered it all the time at nursery, and at home but won't try/touch it. jsut wondered how long this has been going on with yours?

Reece · 20/08/2006 21:21

Hi bagpussmice - DS is 2.9. He stopped eating fruit about 2 years ago!!!!!
He would always eat it pureed when he was a baby but then just one day went off it and never went near it since. (apart from grapes last summer) Hwe would eat yogurts with hidden fruit puree in the bottom and raisins. Thats about it until now.

Original poster
Overrun · 21/08/2006 09:45

How bagpussmice, My son is now 3 and a half, and went off fruit around the age of 18 20 months. He will only really eat dried fruit, and will take a couple of bites of apple too. I am hoping he will come through this, as previously he ate lots of fruit and veg

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