I've given up on DP

[CoolCadbury]

I love my food and like to eat a varied, mostly healthy diet. My DS is ASD and he has a very restricted diet, only eats certain things over and over again. I have good days and bad days with coping with this. But I know it's to do with sensory issues etc and he would literally starve than try something different so I try to be as positive as I can even though it's not the healthiest of diets. (Sigh). And there is no joy in cooking.

My DP, on the other hand, has no excuses. He doesn't like this, he does not like that. Oh, and he never liked (insert dish I cooked) nor does he like (insert ingredient in another dish I cook). He is actually a bit meh about food and sees eating as a chore and not as a pleasure. When I suggest something, he doesn't mean to, but he makes a micro expression which means he's not keen (I can read him like a book). And I always ended up changing my plans. So over the last week or so, I have given him whatever DS is eating that night, and I have made delicious food for myself. I will continue to cook him whatever DS is eating and eat yummy delicious food. I got mad today and told him this is the way it's going to be from now on, he either has my food, DS's food or he jolly well learns to cook.

Btw, he used to eat everything I used to cook and said he liked it. Even his family were amazed at the variety of food he ate. But this was ages ago.

I'm not being AIBU am I? And are there any other DPs out there like this?

My dh is fussy. He cooks for himself and I cook for myself. Are you his maid?

Oh and we cook together each evening so it is a nice thing to do together :)

No, definitely not.

But one of the ways I show love is through cooking and feeding.

Sounds like a good plan Cool. Just make sure you continue to make yourself something nice, I often end up not getting dinner if I cook something the DCs like first, then sit down for the evening and end up with a bag of crisps instead!

Perhaps your DP could also take on some of the cooking for himself and DS to save you making 2 meals every day?

Ah, that's lovely angryfeet.

lynda cooking for DS is hardly "cooking". It's literally get stuff out of freezer and bung it the oven. Only tricky bit is timing it so it's ready the same time as mine (sometimes I forget to bung "food" in the oven).

I'm with you on that one, I'm a feeder, always making food for others, DP says "ooh, do know what I fancy?" and I'll pop to the kitchen and astound him with it 20 minutes later.

XH went off food in general while on a health kick and often moaned about what I made him for dinner, accused me of feeding the DCs crap (I do give them treats as part of a balanced diet but most definitely not crap!). I found it really hurtful to be judged so harshly on my cooking, which was a source of pride until then.

It's lovely to have a DP who appreciates my food again, although we both need to be a bit careful not to put on too much weight as we are very food motivated!

If you're showing love through food and all you're getting back in response is complaints and rejection then perhaps what you're talking about is a relationship problem rather than a dietary one.

I like to cook for people but expect appreciation and gratitude in return.

cognito, you'd think, right? But he is just not emotionally attached to food like I am. And yes, I do expect appreciation and gratitude in return and to be fair, he does say thank you (because I cooked) and makes very appreciative noises when I cook something he really likes (puddings mostly).

I got mad today and told him this is the way it's going to be from now on, he either has my food, DS's food or he jolly well learns to cook.

Quite right too.

My DH is uber fussy as well! He likes plain traditional English food and that's about it! I just do things like spag Bol for me and plain mince for me. When it comes to restaurants we mostly stick to 'pub restaurant' type places as they often have steak and fish and chips - I then go out with DS in the holidays as he likes varied things.

Yes it's a PITA, but I try to introduce things slowly by putting just a couple of mouthfuls of what I'm eating on DH's plate and saying he should eat it - a bit like a kid really. If he really hates it I won't give it to him again, but if it's 'ok' I'll give him some more next time.

Is he really the best you can do DramaQueen? A grown man that has to be tempted to eat little morsels of food like a grumpy toddler? ....

My DH is fussy too, kids are generally fairly easy to please. Many years ago DH ate what I cooked and appeared happy. But over the decades it has gradually become obvious what he likes and what he just tolerates. And I realised a few years ago that we were now eating a really boring and restrictive diet and I was fed up with it. But it just isn't easy to make our meals more varied and interesting. I work part time and the deal ages ago was that I did nearly all the cooking. DH works long hours and yes, I do have food ready for him when he gets in at 9 pm ish. My solution has been to eat exciting things at lunch time, and eat boring in the evening. One good thing is that DH doesn't want food that's time consuming to prepare or expensive , he is perfectly happy with tinned soup and sandwiches, cheese on toast or fish fillets in breadcrumbs bunged in the oven plus baked beans! But any sauces, pasta, rice, couscous, casseroles, spicy food, salads, veg other than carrots, peas and sweetcorn, fish other than haddock or salmon, garlic, cheese other than mild cheddar, he just doesn't like.

And he hates fruit!

Crikey!

I would absolutely cook yummy food that you would like to eat for you and DS and your DH can either join or cook his own. BUT I would point out that if he chooses to cook his own then that won't go un noticed by his DS and he will need to explain himself plus is it a very good example?

I realise this is very unfair but IMHO there's something deeply unattractive about people who are very fussy about food.

cogito - The thing is he does try everything I cook for myself and is always trying new foods - he just seems to have genuinely fussy taste buds!! He hates being so fussy and is always encouraging DS to eat lots of different things as [in his words] "I don't want him being fussy like me as it's not nice at all."

Mmm, mine goes through phases of fussiness. We have very different approaches to cooking, which makes it difficult to share the activity. But he'll quite happily cook a few evenings a week.

But yes, there's a long list of foods that I enjoy (fish! chicken breast! Thai food!) which he won't eat. We work around it - it makes choosing what I want in a restaurant pretty easy (fish!). I've adapted a few dishes so that he'll eat them while I do a few tweaks to my plate. The biggest probelm I have is that he over-salts everything, though he's learned to hold back on it during cooking.

Yes, my DP has the same traditional outlook on food as Milk's DH. Although, he would not eat tinned soup or sandwiches for dinner. He would quite happily eat meat and potatoes every night. BORING . I think the problem is that if he was with a woman who also liked that kind of food, he would not be a fussy eater, he would eat everything every night. But he's living with a woman who loves super spicy food with vegetarian leanings and who likes to experiment. I almost feel sorry for him.

Drama whatever works for you, right? At least your DH tries food. That's a plus in my book.

PoppyAmex I would tend to agree with that but my DS and DP are adorable.

MelanieCheeks We have no problems in restaurants either!

My DH is super fussy and seems to have an aversion to all vegetables. Soooo I cook them all, always have, always will. If I had to restrict my diet to his list of approved foods, life would become unbearably bland. So I cook what I want, expect appreciation for my efforts and if he can't bring himself to eat certain food, he can leave it aside without making a fuss. It doesn't bother me as I am enjoying the dishes I like. Now where I might have a problem is when DS (2yo) starts realising Dad doesn't eat what he doesn't want... Hhhmmm....