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Original poster

desperate mum needs hwelp with her 2 year old boy

36 replies

squirtlesmum · 07/08/2006 22:49

I really need some help with my 2 year old boy as i am a very deperate some of you may have answered to my thread a few months ago but i will start from beginning since my son was 9 months old he refused home made food and instead had the toddler jars etc no matter what i tried he would not eat anything else iam now at the stage where he is the same and all he will eat is heinz toddler own meals ie spag bol, rice and curry and chunky veg soup i did try again to give him normal food but he wont eat it I dont think its the taste but the texture due to the fact i work from 530pm until 3am my husband gives him his tea so he has toddler meals that is until 7 days ago when he got hand foot and mouth disease and had blisters on his tongue and couldnt eat anything unless is was a yoghurt (fromage frais) he now is better but refuses his food and will only eat yoghurts at his teatime. I am at my wits end and really do need advice on both the toddler meals and the yoghurts, as from tommorrow I will start giving him his tea at 5pm so i can feed him as husband gets frustrated this is a typical meal day
breakfast 1-2weetabix ,1130am 8oz of milk (nap time) 1330pm he may eat a 1/2 a sandwich with mini chedders plus water then at 3pm he may have a snack (milkybar) yes i know he shouldnt have this he will then have tea at 1800pm which at the moment is a tantrum and 6 fromage frais he goes to bed at 2030 with 8oz milk please please can someone help me i even give him multi vitamin liquid as i worry he is not getting this in his diet any help and advice will be gratefully recieved from a very tired and frustrated mum

OP posts:

gothicmama · 07/08/2006 23:00

not sure what to suggest other than have meals together as much as possible, introduce food slowly ie new flavours once in a 24hr period and relax

tortoise · 07/08/2006 23:07

If he doesn't eat what he's given then you have to be firm and not offer anything else.6 fromage frais imo is far too many.Could he have tea at lunch time so its not rushed before you go to work? It will be hard but he needs to see you are in charge.

chubbleigh · 07/08/2006 23:14

I havn't had any experience of refusal of food but my ds is 2.4 and the things that work to encourage trying new food with him are:
helping to prepare what we are eating
me eating exactly the same as him
trying new food not at home but at grandmas house or in cafe etc.
eating same as other children, sharing with other children.
Lots of priase for just one bite.

I am similarly exasperated about potty training at he momment, I have resolved to go back a stages nad not let it wind me up or I am sunk, I am trying very hard not to make it a battle ground.

I have a niece who is an extremely faddy eater and it was a very long slow process, she is still not good with food but for her mum (who is a health visitor) it was slowly, slowly catchy monkey.

SittingBull · 07/08/2006 23:25

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Original poster

squirtlesmum · 08/08/2006 00:13

he wont eat fruit have tried to give him bananas strawberries etc wont eat eggs wont eat hard cheese he used to be so wonderful at eating before 9 months but now !!!!!!!! I am just worried about the fact that if he refuses his food he will be up all night because he is hungry. If i do the tough love routine how long would it be wise to let him go without food

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SittingBull · 08/08/2006 00:20

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SittingBull · 08/08/2006 00:21

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Original poster

squirtlesmum · 08/08/2006 00:29

no he is fine in his weight just a rascal when it comes to food i am going to try a plate tommorrow as he is ok with finger food but when it comes to normal meals no chance like i said he wont even eat his toddler meal at teatime only fromage frais but i am going to try greek yoghurt and if he does not eat i will have to try to be strict sorry if i do not answer until tommorrow as breaktime is up have to go back to work

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SittingBull · 08/08/2006 00:32

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Original poster

squirtlesmum · 08/08/2006 00:36

thanks am going to try tommorrow will let you know if it works may take along time depends on how clever he is last time i tried the if you eat the food you get the dessert i got the food all over me when he threw it at me in one of his lovely tantrums but will keep on trying thanks for the advice

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SittingBull · 08/08/2006 00:43

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SittingBull · 08/08/2006 00:45

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Original poster

squirtlesmum · 08/08/2006 17:34

just to let you know he had his breakfast and fed himself shreddies a bit messy but he ate them all, and has had nothing else would not eat his dinner we all sat together at teatime tonight (1650) and he ate nothing played with his food and pushed his dinner away so it looks like he will be going hungry i am now at work so he is in the capable hands of my husband I have told him nothing to eat ie milky bars so he will be having nothing until his milk at bed time dont know how long he is going to keep it up or how long i can

OP posts:

sparklemagic · 08/08/2006 18:26

squirtlesmum, just wanted to say keep strong. You've had some really good advice from the posters on here; and I just wanted to add my voice to theirs to say it's true, he is the child and he needs you and his dad to draw a firm boundary for him; if mum and dad give him six yogs for dinner, that must be ok. He simply needs you to insist on what is and is not ok for him; he can't know as you do what he needs to eat in order to be healthy and to thrive and grow to his full potential in life so he can't be allowed to be in charge of his diet!!!!!!!

oh and never assume he 'won't' eat something until you have offered it LOADS of times- we offered our ds boiled eggs around 40 times before he ate one!

keep going!

Original poster

squirtlesmum · 08/08/2006 19:07

i will do same tomorrow he usually has a sandwich for dinner so he will probably eat that but wont eat a tea time sorry its a short reply but am at work and have to go wii write soon

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liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 19:58

Squitlesmum - I'd just like to say well done for this evening, and to back up everything sitting bull and others said - that's what I did with DS a few months ago though he's a bit younger. The one thing you can be sure of is he wqon't let himself starve. You might 'feel' like he's not getting a varied enough diet for a while but try and look ahead, if you do this now his diet in a few months time will be so much better than if you'd just stuck to the milky bars and fromage frais.

One more tip though - chuck out the milky bars (or eat them yourself) partly because YOU might be tempted to give in but in my case, I had to make sure DH didn't give in.

liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 19:59

oh - actually the one thing I did do was if he refused dinner he was allowed one slice of BROWN bread/toast with marg/butter on it. He learned quickly!

Original poster

squirtlesmum · 09/08/2006 17:25

just to let you know he had no breakfast a sandwich for lunch no milk and no tea so having bad day today dont like seeing him like this just wish he would eat some food !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

sparklemagic · 09/08/2006 18:11

It is hard Squirtle but I have heard from people both on here and in rl that you should not worry about what a child eats in one day, but look at what they eat over the course of a week; my ds OFTEN has 'famine' days when he will hardly touch his meals, and other days when he is a human dustbin and I can't believe how much is going in him!

Don't worry for today, see how he goes tomorrow. I agree with liquidclocks, get rid of the milky bars so that you and dh are never tempted to give him one; if you keep on offering the foods you want him to have, you may be able to end up with him eating a fruit snack instead; not just better for him but I find fruit does not fill ds up so much, so he will still be hungry when dinnertime comes. Or even do as we do and cut out the afternoon snack in favour of an early dinner at around 4pm.

good luck.

Original poster

squirtlesmum · 09/08/2006 20:19

just wondering if anyone has recipies for vegetable muffins and home made snack bars as he loves grizzly bars from holland and barrat but dont know if these would be classed as a bad snack (they are like the organic oat bars from organix )any ideas are welcome

OP posts:

SittingBull · 09/08/2006 21:13

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Bozza · 09/08/2006 21:23

squirtlesmum it sounds like sittingbull is being really helpful. Twiglett used to keep reminding us that the average food intake for a toddler is 2 tablespoons per day. Not much is it? And I know that both my children have always eaten more than that, so to make it an average somebody's kids must be eating less.

Just wondered how supportive your DH is being on all this. And also wonder if moving his main meal to lunchtime when you are under less time pressure becuase of work would help. Then DH can give him a sandwich at teatime. Does he have a full bag of mini cheddars with his sandwich? That sounds quite a lot for a toddler, could you put just a few on the side of his plate?

And also you say he is good with finger food. Have you tried things like chicken, brocolli, pasta, carrot batons, potato wedges, sausages etc as finger food?

Original poster

squirtlesmum · 09/08/2006 21:45

yes haved tried carrots brocolli cheese etc will not eat but i still put on his plate he only has about 4-5mini chedders he will eat cheese on toast and sandwiches little mini pasties but i thought if i could try and hide veg in muffins he might eat them. my DH does try but works really long hours he gets frustrated because jody wont eat and i think he feels he has failed I will try to move main meal to lunch time I know its going to be hard but I would rather try to get him back on track now than when hes older yes sitting bulls advice has been brill he went to sleep tonight and did not even want his milk so hopefully he will have some breakfast tommorrow

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Bozza · 09/08/2006 21:48

Would imagine there is a good chance of breakfast in the morning.

Just trying to come up with some ideas based on what you said. You could try his main meal at lunch but always move it back if it doesn't help.

CitizenFranny · 09/08/2006 21:49

How stressful for you - food is such an emotive issue. I always think that as parents, it is not our responsibility to actually get our children to eat - it is our responsibility to provide healthy food for them - to offer suitable food in an appetising and attractive way - to show them we enjoy good food ourselves and to show them that mealtime can be a pleasurable and sociable experience - but nothing more than that.

I am not really keen on the "if they don't eat their meal then they go hungry" school. Sometimes we don't feel like eating at a set time, or may not like what is on offer. I don't think children should be forced to eat what is in front of them as a discipline issue. But if what is on offer is not eaten, I would remove it without comment, and make sure that other healthy foods are available later if the child is hungry.

My ds has a snack drawer from which he can help himself, and it contains things like bananas, oatcakes, dried fruit etc. If he is being fussy about food, and wants something in between meals I just say "go and get something from your snack drawer." I don't think all the control should be in the hands of the adult, as some children seem to respond to this with elaborate types of powerplay which are so upsetting for the whole family.

If your son is choosing not to eat for the moment I would just keep offering the food but not make any big song and dance about whether he eats it or not. It is his choice. I think it's an important life skill to learn to eat when we are hungry, and stop when we are full, and one that can't be learnt when another person is pressurising us to eat. I don't know if any of this helps but I thought another perspective might give you something to think about. I do wish you luck as can imagine how anxious it is making you feel - but as long as you are offering healthy foods you are doing all you can IMO. Your ds will do the rest, in his own time.

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