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Original poster

I know it's been done before but ds barely eats and it's driving me nuts...............

29 replies

Northerner · 03/03/2004 14:26

He's 23 months and most days he eats practically nothing, where he gets his energy from I just do not know. Yesterday he ate this:

about 6 dry cheerios
4 pieces of chicken
1 slice of bread
apple
mouth full of banana

I know I shouldn't get wound up but every meal time is becoming a battle, he only has to see his food being dished up and he runs away screaming 'no tea mummy no tea' He never eats what dh and I are eating but will have chicken or cheese and bread. Am I doing wrong giving him an alternative? I am worried but dh is worse and keeps saying we should take him to the doctors as there is ovbiously something wrong.

OP posts:
oliveoil · 03/03/2004 14:35

Someone posted on another thread saying that toddlers need a couple of tablespoons of food or something like that, or not as much as we stress about anyway (I am sure they will post on her more clearly later).

Maybe do a food diary for a week or so and see what he consumes over a longer period than a day, may be a wider variety and amount than you think, looking at one day.

philippat · 03/03/2004 14:39

dd (2 and a half) will eat less than that most days, it really doesn't sound too awful to me (relatively balanced too). dd is fine, keeps to her weight chart, runs around etc. I was exactly the same as a child and I just don't see the point of making a battle out of it. Which does mean she's bit of a snacker, but it's not really a big deal as far as I'm concerned.

He will grow out of it eventually (although I didn't until I was about 15!). If both you and dh are hassling him at the minute, you may find he gets better if you let him have more control.

Is he stil drinking milk?

Original poster
Northerner · 03/03/2004 14:44

Yes he still has about 16 oz of milk a day, and lots of juice (apple juice diluted with water). When I'm on my own with ds it is much more relaxed but it is other people (dh/MIL etc) who think I should be making more of an issue out of it to get him to eat. What make things worse is his liitle cousin who is only 2 weeks older than him has a huge appetite and is a really good eater.

My ds is full of energy, is very active and is on about the 25th centile for weight.

OP posts:
Easy · 03/03/2004 14:55

I think he's probably fine Northerner, especially as he's having 3/4 of a pint of milk too (is it whole milk?)

I guess he's just worked out that eating is the trigger that gets you going, so uses it against you, particularly as you said he runs away shouting 'no tea'. I guess you try to make him sit down until he's eaten something, so the whole business just becomes a fight.

I'd put food on the table for him at mealtimes, but just ask him once to come and eat. If he doesn't, just get on with yours, and take his away when you've finished. If you show a lack of interest in whether he eats or not it'll not be a trigger point for fighting.

If he says he's hungry between times give him a small amount of 'proper food' but point out that he should have eaten when you asked.

No child EVER starved themselves to death. I wouldn't bother with the doctor unless it's really causing stress between you and dh

aloha · 03/03/2004 14:55

NOrtherner, he's fine. Please don't let mealtimes become a battle. If he eats, he eats, if not, then that's fine too. If you really want him to eat more food, then I suggest you cut down on the juice which will fill up a little tummy, and don't offer drinks just before meals. He's eating plenty and with the milk he's getting lots of nutrients. It's really not worth getting any of you upset about it. And it is totally normal. He will pick up on your anxiety though.

Original poster
Northerner · 03/03/2004 14:57

Thanks Easy. It sounds so simple when you put it like that!

OP posts:
Easy · 03/03/2004 14:58

oh, one more thing, does he tend to drink alot just before eating. It could be that he fills his tummy with fluid just before you present him with food. try to give a drink just after you've put his food out, rather than a few minutes before.

lou33 · 03/03/2004 16:15

Does he suffer with constipation? It can affect your appetite. Ds2 eats probably less than yours, he's on a hign calorie milk shake style thing now, to help pack a few pounds on (bit like kiddie complan).

Original poster
Northerner · 03/03/2004 16:24

Lou - no he's def not constipated. Normal poo's 2/3 times a day.

It's reassuring to hear I'm not alone, think I'll print off this thread and show it to MIL and dh.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Thomcat · 03/03/2004 16:37

Not alone at all.

Someone on Mumsnet, from a good source, told me that they should eat about 7 tablespoons of food a day, so about 21 ish teaspoons.

I think from your list he probably had that uesterday.

If you areworried try giving him some vitamin drops or the like as well.

At least he ate fruit and stuff and doesn't only eat crisps and biscuits. I'd say he's fine hon'. I know what it's like but I know she's healthy and eats well when she does eat and has a varied healthy diet so I don't stress as much these days. I just jet peed off when a homecooked meal gets blanked but that's life aye!

Original poster
Northerner · 03/03/2004 16:47

Only 7 tablespoons - I didn't know that Thomcat. Thanks.

So how come my niece eats about 7 tablespoons at every meal? ............

OP posts:
mummytojames · 03/03/2004 17:01

imo dont start worrying how much hes eating unless he stop eaing all together because at the nd of the day if there not hungry you cant force them to eat if he says no tea mumy but taking dinner fine try and slowly increase the amount of diiner he has it might just be he dont like a meal at that time of day but if he refusing it because he will only eat junk food then stop the junk food until his healthy meal intake goes up a bit

slug · 03/03/2004 20:15

I agree about not making an issue of it. I like to encourage the sluglet to 'help' with the cooking. Tonight I made her coscous. She ate none of it, but, by the time it was cooked, she had 'tasted' half a red pepper, a rasher of bacon, three cherry tomatoes and a handful of baby spinach leaves. Food by stealth.

Another tactic I have used is to casually hand her something during the course of the day. No comment, no insistence on sitting down, just a slice of fruit in her hand as I'm passing. She gets through an awful lot that way. Dh has discovered that she will eat finger food that she has rejected earlier if it is handed to her, again without comment, while she is out and about in her buggy. There are no other distractions, so she tends to scoff it as she's watching the world go by.

Evita · 03/03/2004 20:37

Ooh, Northener, don't compare him with a good eater, it'll drive you nuts! My dd is a truly dire eater and I've posted on here about it a couple of times in the past. I don't have a friend with a child who's a bad eater. They all sit in their chairs chomping through sandwiches and fruit and all the things I'd love dd to eat. But she doesn't. I have to use various distraction techniques I'm not proud of (t.v. being one, but there have been bubble blowing and singing. Neighbours are about to get me locked up) just to get her to eat a few teaspoons of pureed fruit on occasion. And unlike your ds she doesn't drink a lot of milk, maybe 9-10oz a day. But weirdly I've just stopped worrying about it now. I think I reached such a fever pitch of terror with it, thinking she had a stomach blockage or something like that. So I wore myself out and now I know she's ok even though she eats like a little bird and has skinny legs.

Paula71 · 03/03/2004 21:02

Northerner I can totally empathise!

My ds twin2 can somedays eat very little while his elder twin is the human dustbin! He wolfs his food down and is now getting noticably taller, I was worried until I realised the height difference hadn't changed much since birth!

I used to get so upset when he didn't eat, now I just remove the food. They both drink milk so he gets some nutrition.

I found that by not getting upset, he became happier as he knew if he didn't like or want the food I wouldn't force him to sit with a plate in front of him. I just have to accept he is a fussy eater.

Is either you or your DH/P a fussy eater? Ds twin2 takes after DH, so I blame him!

Tommy · 03/03/2004 21:20

We were talking about this today at out Mums' group! My DS1 eats hardly anything although drinks milk (about a gallon a day - I know I should cut down but.....) One of my friends pointed out that there is hardly a parenting magazine on sale that doesn't have an article about getting toddlers to eat so the problem must be very common.
DS1 goes though phases - one day he'll just eat carbs - bread, rice cakes chips etc and the next day he'll just eat fruit. Some days he just eats fig rolls....
I try not to worry about it for all the reasons all the others have put down here but it's easier said than done!!
Hang in there - you're not alone!

Thomcat · 04/03/2004 12:40

Northener,
It's that they should eat at least 7 tablespoons I think. At the end of the day you can't compare with other kids and if you know / thinks he's getting the right type of food and eating about 7, ish tablespoons a day then try not to worry. Lots of love TC x

twiglett · 04/03/2004 12:50

message withdrawn

Original poster
Northerner · 04/03/2004 12:53

Thanks Guys. As ot now I am relaxed Mummy at meal time!

OP posts:
pupuce · 04/03/2004 13:14

Agree with Aloha about the juice it FILLS-UP!
I work with a lovely 4 year old who doesn't eat his tea very well.... When he eats it with me I don't give him any juice or milk with his meal - water or nothing (he always drinks water!)... I am not sure his mum agrees with my technique but hse does let me get on with it as he eats better (more variety and quantity) and he actually enjoys his meals with me.

Also give hin his milk AFTER a meal... not before.

Easy · 09/03/2004 21:06

Northerner,
Just wondered how mealtimes are going now?

Original poster
Northerner · 10/03/2004 09:36

Thanks for asking Easy, but not much improvement really. I simply can not get him to sit at the table and eat a meal at home. If I try to force the issue he gets all worked up so I give in. He eats really well at nursery, and most of the time he eats whatever is being served up. But at home it's a different matter.

OP posts:
lilycat · 11/03/2004 13:46

Sounds familiar, my monster will happily eat rubbish - ie nicks other childrens crisps at toddler groups, also demands biscuits with menaces but real food - forget it!! Like you he eats at nursery! - Considering finding a boarding nursery!! Then he will eat!!!!
But god isn't it a complete pain!!!!

Original poster
Northerner · 11/03/2004 13:49

LOL at a boarding nursery - perhaps that is the answer! Maybe we are too soft, ds knows he can manipulate me but at nursery he is more inclined to follow the rules!

OP posts:
Tommy · 11/03/2004 22:13

My HV reckoned that if we always sat at the table and all ate the same thing DS1 would whatever I put in front of him! (Bless her...she doesn't have children) I sometimes find he will eat if he's watching TV and I leave a plate of finger food on the coffee table - I usually do this for tea. I know it's not very good table manners and all that but at least it works for the time being. He went to a party recently where all the children sat down round the table and ate nice party food - he ate nothing.
Should add that he is on the 90th centile for height and about 75th or something for weight - I don't know how he continues to grow but he does so....!
Just continuing to offer healthy food and not making a fuss if he doesn't eat it is the only way to go I guess!