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Original poster

those of you who (like me) get worked up about early weaning...

87 replies

geekgrrl · 21/07/2006 16:30

do you manage to hold back when friends/acquaintances talk about weaning their little babies?

I think I just managed to offend one of the mums at the school gate who wanted to tell me all about what her 4 month old is eating and whether she could now give her from frais. She's an NCT antenatal teacher too FFS so can't even claim ignorance.

I don't get upset about many things at all - I'm totally laid back really. But this topic really sets me off.

How do you cope with people in real life wanting to discuss this with you (but aren't open to the idea of waiting until later IYKWIM)?????

(I'm not after another weaning fight thread btw - I'm specifically asking how other people who feel that the WHO guidelines are correct handle this kind of situation)

OP posts:

MaloryTowers · 21/07/2006 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CorrieDale · 21/07/2006 17:04

oh, and I too don't give a flying fart about when or what babies are weaned on as long as people have made their decision based on proper information, but I found, and indeed still find, that people - friends, family, random strangers - are very keen to jump on me for a) waiting till 6 months (starving that poor child) and b) not giving him chocolate or quavers at 13 months and c) still bfing him. And if I bite back, I'm accused of being holier than thou.

Piffle · 21/07/2006 17:06

hula mum did not wait until we had the teeth she ws just aware that when we started grabbing the food we had a few teeth

KathyMCMLXXII · 21/07/2006 17:06

Can't you just say, 'Oh, I tend to be quite cautious - I'd probably leave it till later?' After all, the guidelines are about being cautious (in the UK the benefit for most people seems to be that it lowers the risk of allergies and later digestive problems, which most people aren't going to suffer from even if they are weaned early) rather than about not doing something that will harm every baby who is weaned early.

Piffle · 21/07/2006 17:09

two of my cousins (from two different aunts) fell out over a crisp.
one cousin had 14 mth old ds
other cousin had 18 mths old ds
at a family party 18 mth old had a few crisps in his bowl of food, he fed one to the 14 mth old who had only ever had organic hand sewn babyfood.
His mum went ballistic and shouted at the 18 mth old for feeding her baby junk. (they were salt and shake with no salt)
Hence cousins fell out, loudly... a very nasty and judgemental row ensued, given now the two aunts do not speak either

Blu · 21/07/2006 17:27

Ah! that should be a MN parable, Piffle!

I resd loads, very conscientiously when DS (%) was born - the NHS Birth to Five book, a d GOSH book, Penelope leach, listend to my HV - all advised 4 months. As it happens, I would have seen the sense in 6 months, esp re 'fannying around' and stuck to it.

Now, when i do know the revised guidlines, and hear people talk about wening, i would say 'oh yes, it's been changed since Ds was little' and explain what I know of why. But wouldn't launch into someone who had already weaned - all you would be doing would be bolting the stable door after the horse had bolted, and leaving them feeling guit-tripped.

hulababy · 21/07/2006 17:36

Ah, that's okay then Piffle Mind you that might have been very early with DD - she was just too nosey, rather than hungry!

hulababy · 21/07/2006 17:39

Guess the main thing to decide is whether giving your opinions and thoughts on the matter are more important than the friendship, as things like these really can cause bust ups, as Piffle's story shows!

chenin · 21/07/2006 17:44

Can I just make a comment from the other side of the fence, as it were?!
I have two DDs, now 17 and 14 and please bear in mind things were different when I was weaning them! They were both big babies at 9lbs each. By coincidence, I found my 'baby diary' today and was reading it through and I just wanted to tell you what I had written, which I feel you will all be horrified at! (This was a long time ago!)
Here goes....
"At 9 weeks old the most DD slept at night was 5 or 6 hours. On recommendation of HV I have her some baby rice in the evening and that night she slept over 9 hours and within a few days, was sleeping 12 hours."
Basically at 9-10 weeks old she was sleeping 12 hours a night with no problems...
Both my DDs are very healthy, we have been lucky to have had no health problems at all. I just think weaning should be put in perspective. Not all babies are the same. What damage did I do... NONE!

FioFio · 21/07/2006 17:46

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chenin · 21/07/2006 17:46

that should read... "gave her some baby rice"

chenin · 21/07/2006 17:47

sorry, Fio? What are you saying?!

FioFio · 21/07/2006 17:48

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Marne · 21/07/2006 17:52

I weaned dd1 at 4 months (as advised by my HV) and i have just started dd2 who is almost 5 months. I dont care what people think and if anyone said anything to me i would tell them to mind they're own..
6 months is only a guideline (not the LAW).
Why are you so botherd about what/when other people feed they're kids?

chenin · 21/07/2006 17:52

I don't know! Sorry - nothing peculiar - I promise!

FioFio · 21/07/2006 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flack · 21/07/2006 17:54

Back to the original question ...
I have a friend who recently weaned her baby at about 12 weeks (like her next youngest). We did talk about the 6 month guidelines a lot. I didn't want to tell her what to do, she is a terrific mother in so many ways, I just said that I thought weaning should be taken really slowly and in small amounts. My friend seemed to be superkeen to plunge ahead.

Now I wish I had been more forceful. Said once very clearly (but not again) something like there is no need to wean before 6 months and it may cause harm to wean too young. As blunt as that.

Original poster

geekgrrl · 21/07/2006 17:55

Marne - I'm not bothered (in fact, I don't give a sh*t - wish I could tell that woman to her face really). I was pressed for an opinion.

OP posts:

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 21/07/2006 18:00

I'm afraid I take the 'guideline' route.

Just in the same way that WHO 'guidelines' suggest there is no link between MMR and Autism and that there is no reason not to give you child MMR.........

peanutbutter · 21/07/2006 18:08

i don't get why geekgrrl was parped, but i'm not sure it's an easy question to answer. geekgrrl you ask how others go on when friends etc "want to discuss this...but aren't open to the idea of waiting til later"

Do you mean discuss as in; ideas for recipes etc? If that's the case, and you've already sensed from them that they're going to start weaning at that age, then I'd say nothing at all and just have an easy chat with them. If they want to discuss because they're interested in what they've heard about 6month weaning but aren't convinced, then perhaps i'd tell them a bit about why health professionals make these recommendations.

sparklemagic · 21/07/2006 18:26

geekgrrl, in answer to your question, I think you should give your honest opinion - why not? Then you would feel better and wouldn't have to come on here and talk about it!

bobsmum · 21/07/2006 18:32

I thought the WHO guidelines were based on scientific research into babies' digestive systems - in which case that sounds like more than just a gentle suggestion.

My ds is about to turn 4 and I knew that the recommendation was 6 months, back in the day...

Although I gave into playgroup peer pressure and introduced wallpaper paste - oops typo - I mean baby rice at just over 5 months. With dd, she was 6 months to the day.

FWIW I will speak up if there's a free-for-all about starting solids. I've said things along the lines of "Hmmm I think that's a little early considering the evidence" etc when in conversation about weaning. My SIL weaned my DN at 9 weeks (he was 5 weeks prem) so you can imagine the "discussions" we've had about that. He has a lot of respiratory problems.

JoshandJamie · 21/07/2006 19:28

If someone presses you for an opinion - and I mean presses you for an opinion - not a sort gentle, what do you think? Then I say give her your opinion. I would phrase it delicately - so that you don't come across as hugely judgemental - but I would state the reasons why you believe you should wait until six months.

I would never say to another mother - you're nuts or a bad mother or anyone weaning before 6 months is wrong. Even if that's what you think. But I would give your reasons - factually and without emotion. and I would end it off by saying: you need to do what you believe is right for your baby, but if you want some info to read about it, why not take a look at xyz?

In other words, be helpful, not a hindrance.

hunkermunker · 21/07/2006 19:33

Well, TC, Twiglett, Beansontoast and Hub will vouch for the fact that I say "I don't talk about weaning because I know other people won't agree with me"

It often gets other people to ask me why they won't agree (though my esteemed MN friends didn't bother because they didn't want the ranty light to flash in my eyes - we were having a nice time ).

Then I tell 'em

Sometimes I can't be arsed though. Although I do sometimes murmur "It's easier to leave it till they can chew a banana, I find".

Which DS2 did today, btw - he pulled funny faces, but he ate bits of banana earlier. Ah, my baby's growing up

JennyLee · 22/07/2006 01:33

my friend is doing it from 3 months I just says mmm ...

is none of my business, it is her baby

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