Am I mean?

[Jasmum]

There's been various chats about this but my DD 17mo will not eat for me. She goes to the childminder 2 days a week & eats everything & anything I give her for lunch & tea but for me she refuses everything. She won't try new things -I know this is nothing new....but now instead of offering 2 or 3 different things anymore that always end up in the bin, if she refuses the first thing then lunch is finished. I try different plates, bowls, spoons, forks but if she won't eat then how can I keep giving in when I know she'll eat snacky things & always wotsits.
Am I mean for doing this? SHe generally has an Ok breakfast, cheerios, toast with Marmite & a yogurt - it's alwys the same, she won't try boiled egg, scrambled egg etc etc & I'm sure she's as bored of eating it as I am preparing it!
Teething? possibly but why will she eat for the childminder? There is other kids there so i eat with her but she still refuses everything. I am so fed up of throwing meal after meal in the bin. I'll now refuse to give her any snacks & wait until her tea at 5pm before we'll do it all over again. So the afternoon will be spent witha stroppy toddler who wants something to eat as long as it's not anything decent! grrr nightmare!

No, Jasmum, you're not mean. If she will eat for the childminder but not for you then it is completley behavioural. It is her way of having a little bit of power over you. Stick to your guns for a bit and see what happens! I would take her out somewhere this afternoon to distract her from the fact she is getting hungry. If the weather is nice where you are how about wrapping her up and taking her to a playground. That way she might work up a big appetite for her tea as well. And you're right to decide not to offer alternatives. I only do this if I'm offering something new and I think ds doesn't actually like it.

Good luck!

Why not skip some of the breakfast, eg give her cereal and yoghurt, then the toast at lunchtime?
Agree that it's about control. Also maybe offer fruit in the afternoon as it won't fill her up.
I don't think it matters if they eat the same food each day, so long as it's reasonably healthy.
The other thing to try is switching the meals, eg a main meal at lunch and a snacky tea, rather than a hot dinner.
By the way, you're not being at all mean!!!

Jasmum, what food is she getting at her childminder's - is it supplied by you and therefore the same as what she is offered at home? Sorry, I might be dim, but I'm not sure from your post. If her childminder is just giving her the sort of enjoyable junk that every child seems to adore then maybe you need to have a word. Our ds is a bit like this, scoffing the (very good but not home cooking) school lunches and then whingeing because my rice pudding doesn't have jam with it, my fish doesn't come with chips etc.
You are not being mean to her by refusing to cave in although I bet she is making you feel like a monster. We've just given up buying anything crispy or biscuity at home in a health drive for the whole family so if he doesn't eat his lunch the only snack on offer until teatime is cheese or fruit or wholemeal toast. If you can bear to enforce it, this approach is working for us.
Don't worry about her breakfast being the same each day, it sounds a good one. Some of us can only cope with a very basic morning routine...(From someone who has had Weetabix with oatbran every morning for the past 20 years...)

Jasmum,

Could you try to feign indifference and act all casual and totally unconcerned if you dd doesn't eat anything....and not try to coax or encourage her to eat, but leave her to it?

She might find that its not such a good 'game' if it doesn't wind mummy up any more.

My 18 month old often refuses meals but will eat crisps and chocolate!!! - so I know where you are coming from. If she refuses a meal I genuinely don't worry about it any more (used to), since I know she probably eat some of the next meal offered or will be a better eater 'tomorrow'.

i find if dd won;t her a meal the best thing to do is just to leave it on the table and she tends to keeps going back to it -even when it has gone cold

Agree with HMC and Fairydust. Act like it doesn't bother you at all. I never cook for my DS because I know he might not eat it. I only prepare really easy meals and if he won't eat it, then I just throw it away without comments. He doesn't get any snacks between meals, only fruit. Stick to your gun, but don't worry if she is a bit fussy. I think the best thing you can do is create a relationship between food and your child which is not emotional.

jasmum it sounds lke your child is trying to find her inderpendance have you tryed giving her finger foods like banana on toast cruncy veg and chicken strips if your doing it for the rest of your family also it might be shes still full after her breakfast try giving her her dinner a bit later like half an hour or so plus tell her that that is the only thing she is having till her tea and please dont feel guilty i went through it with my step daughter (we have parted now) and she used to running to her father saying i never gave her any tea or any dinner and i told him the same as i told her if she didnt like it i would do something different but if she was only doing it to wind me up sorry shes lost it wouldnt work
please be brace you will get through this and i got it all to come again my ds is six months old and he trys it so i just sit there and say fine starve it kills me to say it but you would be surprised how quickly he will open his mouth to eat it lol