I don't mind if anyone does not reply, I'm releasing my tension about the usual topic of baby not eating anything!!

[fimbles]

Please forgive me mumsnet readers for what I am about to type. Just wanted to get it out of my system about my dd of 20 months rejecting EVERYTHING I offer her to eat. This CANNOT be a phase, CANNOT be teething permanently. Where have I gone wrong? She is SO fussy, I feel like screaming at her. I've stopped cooking now for her, it all goes in the bin! She will only eat the following:

Pureed flippin' baby fruit

smooth soups (God forbid any bits in it)

That's it.

Last month she ate califlour cheese and loved it so much, now she will wretch if I put it in her mouth. Porridge is out, pasta, even crisps, biscuits, bread with honey, waffles, pancakes, pikelets, potato cakes - ALL OUT.

I'm not worried about her weight, she is very stocky, but she is a hungry baby and is disappointed at the food I offer her. Today I offered her pasta in a beefy sauce as she used to like this, Small shepherds pie from Tesco - NO, Even cake - NO!!!!!, Everything NO.

She is becoming gradually worse and I've read all yr comments re quick and easy meals, I know I will be wasting my valuable time if I attempt to cook these receipes. I feel like I must be the only Mum who HATES feeding her baby. There I've said it! _ I'll stop boring you all now as I know loads of Mum's go though this on a daily basis, but sometimes I feel I will go mad with the rejection.Thanks for reading.

Just wanted to ask, am I doing the wrong thing by letting dd eat pureed meals. The reason I am doing this at present is because I want to get the protein into her. She will chew things like biscs,crisps,bread, cheese but won't eat liitle peices of fresh fruit. She will only eat them pureed (and only the jar variety) she knows the difference between fresh and jar (little pest) I put fresh fruit on her tray every evening together with little pieces of carrot and potatoe. They r always left.

Do you think that hopefully when she does improve that she won't be used to eating proper food and expect it to be pureed?

fimbles I wouldn't worry at the moment
give her pureed fruit out of jars if she likes it, don't stress about it and beat yourself up about it

my DS1 (the same one who was awful about having his feet measured) was an awful eater as well, but at the age of 4.5 he is a lot better although still not a human dustbin like my DS2

fimbles, dd is the same with fresh fruit. she will only scoff down a bit of pureed from a jar. And as she doesn't eat any veg except potatoes I feel it's so important for her to get fruit I give in and give her the jar.

Hey, check this, dd's tea tonight:

1 piece dry pasta
6 teaspoons pureed fruit
3oz milk

An all time low ...

Thanks dinasaur for the advice, i'll continue as i am at present. don't have any choice at the moment anyway.

Evita, how old is your dd? my dd is 20 months and she is hungry. The food i give is not satisfying her. I've just realised she got all her teeth approx 4 months ago. Silly me forgot they only get 20 milk teeth. for some unknown reason i thought she had 16, so she definately is not teething and hasn't been for months!! I think that 2 molars is not sufficient for my dd. she seems to have difficulty chewing alot of things, or maybe she is just lazy.

The sitaution with food and my dd is getting worse. Meal times now are down to pureed fruit and quavers. She is refusing everything else and the silly thing is still hungry.She even refused cake!! Today i spent the lunchtime crying as I was feeding her because i simply don't know what i am going to give to eat today and tomorrow etc. My dd suffers from horrendous wind and I am sure alot of it could be down to her rubbish diet. Sorry to moan again but sometimes I feel light hearteed about it and other days not.

It is awful isn't it Fimbles? I was looking through some old photos the other day and found one of us all at Christmas dinner - when DS1 was aged two - everyone else was eating turkey and ham and all the usual trimmings - DS1 had two Ritz crackers with cream cheese... Also he used to eat so little at tea-time that I started giving him pancakes with chocolate spread at suppertime, just to get some calories into him...

All I can say is that honestly, things do seem to have got better for us and I'm sure they will for you too. DS1 is still quite thin - at age four and a half he weighs about two stone eight pounds - my two year old weighs two stone six pounds - but he seems to have plenty of energy and to be quite healthy.

I agree that it is not sensible to spend time cooking up recipes for her, you will only feel even more fed up if she rejects them - I remember spending ages making Annabel Karmel lamb burgers for DS1 when he was aged one and three-quarters - and guess how much he ate - that's right, not one bite! Just keep offering her easy things (coated in chocolate spread if necessary). My DS1 was still eating jars of Baby Organix pasta when he was three. But as I said, he does now eat "normal meals" albeit in pretty small quantities.

Good luck!

Again, thanks dinasaur, you r full of good advice. chocolate spread, now there's something i haven't tried. will definately get some this week and put it on everthing (maybe not everyting)can u suggest anything else, snack wise?

It will get better!!!
I have given up worrying about DD being hungry. Sounds harsh but there is only so much you can take. I can remember being in tears every meal time as she refused to try anything.
She is almost 3yo now, and occasionally tries something else, but usually just wants the same old stuff.
"They" say children never starve themselves, they will eat when they are hungry, etc. Maybe try lots of small snacks, only offering healthy food, at different times.
Probably heard it all before, I'm sure!!
Good luck.xx

My DS1 went through a phase of really liking marmite rice cakes. You can get small bitesize ones as well as the big ones. They might be worth a try.

Fimbles, how do you know she is hungry? If she's stocky she's getting enough calories for sure! Her weight is the best and indeed, only, indicator that she's getting enough calories for her. If you are worried about vitamins/iron, give her a vitamin syrup every day. I do a lot of toast and bread for ds as it's easy - pate on toast, cheese on toast... if he doesn't eat it, the birds do. And they change a lot. He went off scrambled egg but ate it today (demanded mayonnaise with it though!). Does she drink a lot of water or juice as this can dent an appetite? Milk is good IMO as a way of getting calcium and protein into her. I would be wary of assuming her diet is giving her wind. I can't see how pureed fruit and soup would give her wind at all.

Baby organix snacks are very popular with my ds - like quavers etc but more nutritious, I think. Also cubes of cheese, breadsticks, dry cereal might be popular with your dd. Chocolate milk?
But please, don't get so upset about it, if she's nicely chubby she clearly isn't starving herself.

This thread is fascinating me. So much of our time as mothers is caught up with the whole feeding issue. Both DH and I work but I always do the lunch and tea when we're all together with the little 'un. I'm always the one planning, cooking, coaxing and washing up. He does the playing while I prepare everything and he is plainly never as concerned as me about her food intake. He's a lovely bloke and deeply interested in most things to do with DD but just doesn't obsess over this like I do.

Thanks for the input. The reason I think dd is hungry is because she looks at me in a confused manner when I take her tray away, which to her is the end of the meal. I know the quantity of food she can eat, if she likes something she can eat a huge amount of it. The last week or so, she has eaten a 1/4 of the amount, seems very whiny all the time. She was very settled when we went thru' that very brief period of when she ate what i gave her and lots of it. It was bliss.

What if her weight increase is because she is eating nothing but junk - that can't be good.

You r probably right aloha, the food I am giving at present is not the main reason for the wind. The reason I say that is because when she used to eat everything I gave her which was up to her being 8 months old!! she was just as windy. I might cut back on the juice to at least 2 hrs before meal times. DD used to eat the naughts and crosses organix crisps, but she is now fed up of them.

Welshmum, I couldn't agree with u more. My dh does not know what all the fuss is about. He says if she lives on crisps and biscuits then give them to her!! I just can't accept this. What sort of diet is that. She gets the vitamins from her awful formula milk. I think us mum's are just programmed to worry about our kids more than the dh's.

Hey, sorry fimbles if you thought I was being glib about dd's eating. I am also sometimes completely distraught with worry about what she eats, or rather, doesn't eat. But unlike your dd, mine is quite skinny. Really ruly if she's gaining weight etc. she must be getting it from somewhere. Does she down a lot of milk?

I sort of 'lowered my expectations' re. my dd's eating a long time ago, and maybe as it sounds like your dd has been a good eater in the past, it's hard for you to get your head round a change. As my dd's always been a v. small eater and incredibly faddy I'm sort of used to it, though I HATE it.

One of the things that I find hardest is that my dd will eat over and over the same thing, i.e. last month it was potato waffles and bits of grated cheese and I'm so relieved that she's eating something I just go with it. Then she decides she won't eat it any more and I don't know where to start finding something else she will eat.

I don't know how I got into this situation. I tried very hard to give her all the right things in the right order in the beginning and it did seem to be going well until she was around 9 months old.

I truly hope you can try not to worry and that the situation improves. And I'm sorry if I annoyed you earlier. x

Evita, u havn't annoyed me at all, infact i have always liked your sence of humour as I've read your comments on mine and other threads. No one has annoyed me, sorry if anyone thinks i'm blunt, maybe it was just my horrible mood.

Thanks everyone for all your input, it is really appreciated.

Fimbles I was thinking about you last night as I had a very similar thing with my ds who is still a terrible eater. From an early age he wasn't much interested and I so clearly remember, like you, sitting crying at meal times and becoming completely stressed about it all. My dh did not see what the fuss was about either. I'm very sure it led to/contributed to my PND or maybe because I had PND I obsessed about food...I dunno. I'm not saying you have PND by the way.

Anyway, I just wanted to say it got slightly better for 2 main reasons I think 1) Time and not fussing too much (bloody hard) 2) going to nursery.

I think seeing other children eating made quite an impact & he started to eat things there he would NEVER eat for me - I used to think the staff were lying to me. Is there anyway you can get her in nursery even for a day? My son used to go 2 days and now goes 3. He still eats better there I think, now mainly because they make him sit down properly whereas he flies around the kitchen at home. Just and idea. And I really feel for you. Been there.

Fimbles, I'm more worried about you than your dd! I really am. I really think that if you are crying then you need to step back for your own sake and make a real effort not to focus on this. Your dd is a good weight so she isn't starving. Lots of toddlers have small appetites. I also think a 'confused look' and whining can be due to ANYTHING and hunger probabaly isn't the reason - otherwise I am sure she would eat I don't mean to be dismissive of your anxieties, but she's not underweight so that's something you don't have to worry about. Also, toddlers love your attention and reactions more than anything in the world - not because they are 'manipulative' but because it's a survival mechanism - attention = life for a helpless mite. So if you can be matter of fact when she doesn't eat then you can eliminate one reason to refuse food. At the moment she probably gets lots of coaxing and talking and even crying and maybe shouting when she doesn't eat, which will honestly reinforce the behaviour. Just keep offering healthy options, reduce the amount of juice she drinks (or eliminate it altogether and replace with water after meals) offer easy healthy options - eg crackers with cheese or peanut butter, plain digestive biscuits and stuff at mealtimes if she turns her nose up at lovingly cooked meals - or offer her your leftovers from your evening meal. Basically do anything to reduce your stress levels. She won't always be like this. I speak as a former very fussy eater indeed.

To lazyeye and aloha, thankyou for that. Do u know?, i feel calmer already after reading what u have said. I AM going to stop stressing about this. Today, i gave dd 2 ritz crackers, 1 edam cheese slice, 1 carrs cheese cracker, 4 hula hoops, 4 organix crisps and 1 jar of pear and peach puree. She ate it without fuss because i know its food she won't object to (at the moment anyway)I had some southern french fries, i offered one to her, as she was looking at my plate with interest. as sson as she tasted it, spat it out with disgust!! oh well suppose i'll just keep on trying.

with regards to the nursery,they tell me she has to be 2 years old. I take her every friday to mother & toddler and she has only just started to enjoy it. She is EXTREMELY clingy and has now just got the confidence to leave my side! I can't wait until i can leave her at nursery (if she will go along with it - lets see)

My hv came to see me this am and without asking me referred me to a parent's survival group - sounds quite serious but its just a group of parents talking about the stresses and strains of parenthood.

She also said just to relax about the whole thing, so I won't think about protein and a balanceed diet and just basically lower my expectations - i don't have any choice. It feels like giving into the sprogs - they win, we loose. anyway, thanks once again for all your comments and sorry to hae gone on so much about it.

To lazyeye and aloha, thankyou for that. Do u know?, i feel calmer already after reading what u have said. I AM going to stop stressing about this. Today, i gave dd 2 ritz crackers, 1 edam cheese slice, 1 carrs cheese cracker, 4 hula hoops, 4 organix crisps and 1 jar of pear and peach puree. She ate it without fuss because i know its food she won't object to (at the moment anyway)I had some southern french fries, i offered one to her, as she was looking at my plate with interest. as sson as she tasted it, spat it out with disgust!! oh well suppose i'll just keep on trying.

with regards to the nursery,they tell me she has to be 2 years old. I take her every friday to mother & toddler and she has only just started to enjoy it. She is EXTREMELY clingy and has now just got the confidence to leave my side! I can't wait until i can leave her at nursery (if she will go along with it - lets see)

My hv came to see me this am and without asking me referred me to a parent's survival group - sounds quite serious but its just a group of parents talking about the stresses and strains of parenthood.

She also said just to relax about the whole thing, so I won't think about protein and a balanceed diet and just basically lower my expectations - i don't have any choice. It feels like giving into the sprogs - they win, we loose. anyway, thanks once again for all your comments and sorry to hae gone on so much about it.

Fimbles - don't understand the bit about her having to be 2 or are you waiting for the sort of playgroup thing? Because I work p/t I put both of mine in at around 13mnths, but this is a private nursery - i.e you have to pay (lots). Would that be an option even for a day? Most of the private ones take children from weeks old, but they can be expensive.........

Also wanted to add that my ds2 is the complete opposite of my ds1. Ds2 will eat just about anything and I've never had a days worry about the amnt he eats.......so don't let it all put you off

Fimbles, glad if I can help. Also, I think that sounds quite a good meal! Honestly I do. And the less you stress the happier you will be and the more she will eat, I am sure. So what if she won't eat a chip? she's eating fruit puree which is much better for her. And my advice is to never think in terms of 'winning' and 'losing' with little children. Just think in terms of 'what will make us enjoy each other's company?" IMO that simplifies things like you won't believe. She isn't trying to 'win' she just has strong likes and dislikes, a small appetite, and, I suspect, she loves the extra attention she gets from you for not eating. Enjoy the group. I think your HV sounds quite sensible and helpful for once.

lazyeye, i see what u mean, yes i was thinking of the playgoup nurseries which cost about £3.50 for 2.5 hrs every morning. I don't know if dd will be ready for me to leave her alone yet which is why i am persevering with the mum & toddler groups as she is very shy and insecure. this is something to definatly aim for though.

I am a TERRIBLE fretter about food, DS (2.5) won't sit still and eat for more than about 4 mouthfuls, and has been put on 'special measures' by the HV for being on the 2nd centile. BUT he is still putting on weight. A freind has a child on serious exclusion diet, and had to give the nutritionist a weekly food diary to check that she was actually getting enough of everything to be healthy. She showed it to me, and believe me, it was no 'better' than your DD's diet, and the nutritionist said that the tiniest amounts of most things suffice, and that every bit is put to good use by the body, and not to worry.

My 2 and a half year old is a terrible eater, there is not an ounce of spare fat on him - lots of trousers just fall straight off him.

He never liked his formula and it has just continued. I swear some weekends he doesn't eat anything.

I give in to the whole meal thing and let him eat snacks if he refuses meals - healthy stuff mostly. Probably shouldn't but life is too short.

Good luck, fimbles. The thing is in the end it doesn't actually matter how much we cry, stress and tear our hair out, they still don't eat any more. I got to a point with dd where I literally couldn't bear to be so stressed about it any more, so I just stopped. It's a total relief. Now I sit her down, she eats a bit or she doesn't and if she doesn't we just stop the meal, clean up and get onto the next thing and she's perfectly contented. I think I always worried that she was 'really' hungry but didn't know it or I was doing something wrong.

Also, I've found that having a few healthy (ish) snacks around is useful. So if dd has a dire lunch she might chobble on a miniscule fragment of cheese an hour or so later. She's like a little mouse.