When will he feed himself?

[MaggieW]

DS is 2 yr 3 mths and doesn't really feed himself. Sometimes he will but now that DD, 8 mths, has come along and I'm having to feed her he just watches and tries to make her laugh (which is sweet) rather than eating. I expected some regression in terms of him wanting more of my attention at meal times but just need some advice to get us back on track to getting to the point where he will feed himself. He has an array of toddler friendly cutlery and will use it unassisted for his favourite meal but the rest of the time just diddles about with evening meals taking absolutely ages.

MaggieW - wish I had something more positive to say, but at least I can empathise. ds1 is now 3.3yrs and although feeds himself perfectly well at nursery, its become a complete power struggle between him and myself over his feeding at home. ds2 is 21mo and largely feeds himself, although does get bored and requires some attention and as soon as that happens ds1 refuses to feed himself. If I'm firm and keep saying "you do it" or take the "ignore it" route he will not eat another mouthful. Even if he watches ds2 get ds1's fav pudding, he wont budge. Tonight I tried the babying route and mashed up his food, made a big deal about how well ds2 was doing with his and only started feeding when the rest of us had finished. He ate the lot! Dont feel I've gained anything by it though, except a full ds1. Makes a change! Its a work in progress here, but if I crack it I'll report back!

I found that my now-4-yr-old has gone through phases of feeding & refusing to feed himself over the years. I think like honeybunny says it can be a power struggle; other times, like you said, a regression. Even now, very occasionally, ds wants to be treated like his 16-mo-old sister & asks to be fed.

But I have a quesiton on this subject too. 16-mo-old dd feeds herself well with finger foods but I am sorry to say I rarely let her use utensils in order to avoid mess & food waste. Have I left it awfully late to encourage her to use spoons & forks?

My dd, now 6, varied hugely whether she would feed herself and in what way, whether it was fingers of some type of cutlery. To be honest as long as she was eating I really didn't care too much and it would often be a combination of me feeding her and her doing some herself. If we left her to herself completely it would take forever and be stone cold.
The breakthrough came when she went to school and of course had to feed herself. She had a packed lunch to start with. For the past 18m she's been having school dinners and has progressed to using a knife and fork properly and cutting her food up herself.