Formula feeding

[Cl]

Not sure where to put this - this seemed as good a place as any... A friend is due to give birth in a month or so and has decided - for her own reasons - not to breastfeed, is in fact adamant. Having gone through all the arguments I can only respect her decision and try and help her, but as you'll know if you've seen my postings my daughter never took a bottle, even of expressed milk, so I'm no expert. I wondered if anyone out there had tips both on making life easier (I always thought bottle feeding must actually be quite hard work) and also on dealing with the inevitable pressure/disapproval of HV and "friends"
TA

Having just transferred to bottle from breast I would say that a steam steriliser for the microwave is a god-send, dead easy to use and really portable. Making up batches of bottles at a time and keeping them in the fridge - they will keep for up to 24 hours. Some milks are much cheaper from clinics than supermarkets too.

In terms of disapproving others I would be tempted to tell them to mind thier own! However if she is more polite than me, perhaps she could just tell them that she isn't able to, if she feels that she'd rather tell a little white lie than deal with pressure. Just a thought.

Oh and another non-practical thing: bottle feeding can be as special a time as a breast feed if you make the atmosphere right - close holding, eye contact and hand-holding/stroking can all still be done on the bottle - the advantage is that Daddy can do it too. My dh found that feeding our son a bottle helped him to really bond with him.

am just transferring from breast to bottle due to imminent return to work. major advantage is that daddy can do the feeds - wholeheartedly second zoe's comments re bonding, my dh also said that giving ds his feed really helped the father son bonding process. a variation on the notion of making up feeds in batches, rather than make up the formula, make up the required number of bottles of water, and invest in one of those tupperware compartment boxes, where you can put in the required amount of powder for each feed. then just add powder to water as needed. quicker than warming the bottle and also no need to worry about the milk "going off" when out and about. we have a steam steriliser v.efficient and easy to use, but maybe a tad bulky for travel. also, my ds was shall we say a rather leisurely breast feeder, taking 45/60 mins a time. he is much faster with a bottle - approx 15 mins for 8oz. therefore, contrary to popular belief, i have actually found it much easier and less hassle to feed him out and about with the bottle, as issues such as comfortable chair (!) distracting environment matter much less with a 15min v. 60min feed. we used to use ready to feed, but having now gone the bottled water plus pre measured powder route i would say don't bother with the ready to feed - v. expensive, plus need scissors to open the cartons. likewise the pre measure sachets you can get. maybe for hols/travel but not worth it for day to day.

as for disapproval, well i'm with zoe, it's none of their business. if making up the milk in advance maybe she could say it is expressed breast milk. a little white lie won't hurt

having said that - as you know cl, bf is the most wonderful bonding experience, some of the happiest, cuddliest, most relaxing times have been when bf, especially with those night wakings,when you just bring them into bed... plus of course it is much better for the baby... is there absolutely no way your friend would change her mind? oh well, i believe that women should be empowered in their choices even if they're not the ones i would make.

hth.

Feeding a baby with a bottle is easy and quite honestly as everyone has said it is nobody elses business how you choose to feed your child. And as for 'lying' as to why you are bottle feeding - why the heck should anyone? Its your choice and no one has the right to make you feel guilty that you are not breast feeding.

Respect your friends decision. Do not try and change her mind - I'm sure she's weighed up the choices for herself long enough. And don't preach on about the 'lovely snuggly moments' you have when breastfeeding. Its patronising to suggest that mums that bottle feed don't experience the same closeness.

I had a microwave steriliser, which was great, and warmed up my bottles in the microwave too. Going out never caused any problems as I had a bottle carrier that kept the water hot, and you added the milk formula when it was time for a feed. I gave up sterilising at 6 months and ds gave up bottles completely at 12 months and started drinking cows milk from then on as well. I don't think he's suffered from being a bottle fed baby from birth and should I have another child then I will do exactly the same again. Good luck to your friend.

Such a relief to see people standing up for bottle-feeding mums. I had lots of reasons for not bottle-feeding, the biggest being I just didn't want to!

Cl please warn your friend to find out whether the hospital provides bottles of milk for non-breast-feeders, one near me doesn't tell mums planning to bottle-feed that they need to bring in their own bottles and formula in a deliberate attempt to get them to breast-feed, which I think is outrageous.

Compared to stories of the early weeks friends who breast-fed have passed on I acn honestly say I had a ball. I was out shopping and meeting up with friends 2 days after my daughter was born, which doesn't seem to be possible if you're struggling to breast-feed for the first time.

PS I found that by giving my daughter milk straight from the fridge/ room temperature i never had to bother with bottle warmers/ microwaving etc.. and no, despite all the instructions you're given daughter hasn't had horrible stomach bugs etc..

I would second that about room temperature milk. I bought one of those Avent milk powder things, it has 3 sections that hold powder to make upto 8oz bottles, you just measure the scoops into the section and then put on the lid (that has a pourer thing that swivels round to each section), then I'd just put boiled water into the bottles and keep them in the fridge for 24 hours. At bed time I took how ever many bottles upstairs and the milk container, and then just poured in the powder at feeding time and shook it up - dead easy, same thing if I was going out during the day, I didn't need to use cool bags/warm bags or anything as it was just water in the bottle. If it was during the day and I took the bottle of water straight from the fridge I just put it in the microwave to remove the 'coldness' rather than actually warm it up. Hope this makes sense. Definitely second the microwave steriliser advice.

I breast fed my son for about 5 months and I wouldn't do it again!! Health professionals should remember its not for everyone. Yes, its great for the baby, but a stressed out manic Mum isn't (oh and mastitis).

Moving to bottles was a complete nightmare and health professionals saw that as very much my problem.

Its bottles for me if I'm lucky enough to have numero two.

don't think i was "preaching", emmam! like i said i think women should be supported in their informed choices.

Just making a general comment! Not getting at anyone honestly!

thanks, emmam! i try not to live up to my chat nickname!

niceglasses,

love the nickname, maybe I should change mine to uglyglasses as that's what dd thinks of them.

anyway back onto the subject - I found breastfeeding difficult both times but was determined to give it a go. Before dd was born I asked my midwife if I should buy some formula milk just in case, she said no, so I didn't.
A week or so after coming home from hospital I had one day where dd was attached for most of it. I ended up in tears at about 2 o'clock in the morning because she was still hungry and still crying. dh rang the midwife and she told him to go to the maternity unit and get some formula, so off he went, by this time it was about 2.30am he must have woken the whole neighbourhood when he started the car as the exhaust was knackered.

By the time no2 came along I'd long since decided that there was no way on earth I was going to go through that again, so I was prepared for another hungry baby, and boy was he hungry! If he still seemed hungry after breast feeding I'd give him a couple of ounces of formula, this seemed to do the trick. I was far less stressed out 2nd time round.

As for the practicalities of it, I never thought about it.

I agree with giving bottles of formula at room temperature, I used to make up all of the bottles that I thought I'd need for the day in the morning (this is the only time in my entire life that I have been anywhere near organised), keep them in the fridge and use the microwave to take the chill off, but not let them get too warm - anyone doing this remember to shake the bottles well to get rid of any hotspots, as far as I can remember this is the only reason HV's say not to heat in the micro.

I too stopped sterilising at about 6mths, I think I may have said on other discussions, what's the point in sterilising everything 9dummies etc) once they're crawling, grubby fingers goe into mouths, we can't sterilise them can we?

Cl - HV's and friends have no right to disapprove of breast feeding, the only things baby will miss out on are more of mums antibodies. With bottle feeding you know that baby is getting all the vitamins etc that it needs, that way, if your friend has a couple of days when she doesn't feel like eating much (as we all do from time to time) she needn't worry about baby getting all the goodness that it needs.

I've just previewed this message and didn't realise that it had got so long, so, sorry if I've been rambling.

Didn't read it properly when I previewed it, I should have said HV's and friends have no right to disapprove of BOTTLE FEEDING! Sorry.

What a refreshing thread!
Couldn't resist pitching in!
I bf both my two for just the first few weeks. I can truly say I HATED every minute of it,( I had not anticipated hating it, had no hang ups about it in advance or anything) and only persevered because a) I wanted to give them breastmilk for all the right reasons ( none of us doubt it is the most wonderful stuff!!) and b) I had anticipated it might be hard and thought it might get easier any day, as a lot of women find. Befor I ever breastfed I was extremely pro, but my views have changed.
I NEVER experienced one single happy cuddly or relaxing time when bf, but as soon as I switched to formula, BINGO!! Happy new mummy!( and Daddy, and baby!)I envy those who do have happy experiences breastfeeding.
On my daughters first night home when she was a day old, she sucked and sucked and screamed and screamed for about five hours and in the end my dh had to get up at five ocock to go to the all night Tesco to buy a tin of formula - I had confidently not thought it necessary to purchase one! She wolfed down a few ounces and went right off to sleep!
Great tip about not heating the milk. I will definately try room temp milk with new baby ( six weeks to go! Stopped work today)
Cl as to your original post, I would be most surprise if your friend got much criticism.
Sheila Kitzinger says in one of her books , after detailin all the benefits of breastfeeding ( She is VERY pro)
"the best reason in the world for a woman not to breastfeed is because she CHOOSES not to". I don't think you can put it more simply than that.

I don't think there is anything you can do. I guess this is her first baby. People need to make their own decisions about something like this. She may have heard negative stories about bf or just not feel very confident about it. I had a friend just the same and didn't even consider trying with her first baby. However during the course of his upbringing she saw me and another friend breastfeed and realised how easy it could be and picked up on all the other benefits too. I think some people need first hand knowledge. She has just had another baby and is now successfuly breastfeeding him. Lucky her it was easy which of course helped rather than for me it was hell for the best part of 5 weeks. It is not easy for everyone but if you can get past the first few weeks it becomes very easy. The same cannot be said for bottle feeding as it doesn't change - the faff of dealing with bottles is the same at 6 months as it is at day 1. I hope all goes well with her with the birth.

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One thing about the disapproval/pressure from friends/HV. I found the total opposite! I was in hospital, C-section No2 first night after having the baby at 4pm, the others who were bottle feeding were told, 'Oh let me do that for you dear, let you get some rest!' 'He can come out here with us etc'. For me the only one brest feeding I might add, the only comment I got was, 'Do you want to give her a bottle top-up dear, she seems to be giving you a restless night!' On night 3 when I was crying in pain from engorged boobs and sore nipples, I still had to go and sterilise my own nipple shields that one kind midwife had suggested my Dh went and got for me as she could see I couldn't stand the pain much more. At 4am the midwives who were again calmly feeding a bottle fed baby, virtually told me that what you get from brest-feeding!

So your friend will not meet with much disapproval from what I experienced (I carried on and by 5 weeks finally cracked the breastfeeding lark, although I soon moved to mixed feeding which had benefits from both sides)

Crunchie, I agree with your last comment completly. On advice from my GP (what a star!), at 6 weeks I mixed breast and bottle and it seemed like the very best of both worlds. Dad gets to bottlefeed, mum gets some sleep, yet baby gets her antibodies and no lugging bottles out in the day!!!

This realy should be promoted more as the 'third-way' and yet midwives etc say you shouldn't do it as it interrupts flow. Complete bs!! your body adjusts quite easily if you stick to feeding at roughly the same times. What gets me is that so many women give up breastfeeding completely cos of all the problems it can entail, and yet they don't have to. Grrr!

ust admit though, I would suggest your friend at least TRY breast feeding a couple of times. Seems bizarre to rule out something she might find easy afterall!

Before I gave birth to my son I was so confident in my ability to bf that I never bought a single bottle, formula, sterilser etc. Even after a 36 hour labour without pain relief I went ahead and began bf. Things started of well but then after day 2 I was in alot of pain and developed cracked nipples,was told by numerous midwives, bf counsellors that I was doing things right and they couldn't understand why I was in so much pain. The day I got out of hospital I sent my husband to buy a steriliser, bottles, the lot. I spent a week constantly crying at my inability to bf and felt that I was really letting my son down and not giving him the best start in life. I am a scientist and I know all the arguements for bf by heart, which made it all the harder when my well intentioned mum who was really worried about me told me to stop bf and switch to bottles. Eventually I comprimised for the next 10 days by expressing using an electric pump, which was very quick but also a bit sore. Trying to find time 4/5 times a day to do this was very difficult and tiring with a new baby. In the end my very understanding HV who could see how upset I was over the whole thing told me it was okay to stop since I'd probably passed maternal antibodies on during the first 10 dys anyway.
Once I'd decided to bottle feed completely I felt relieved, that at least I had made some sort of decision. I developed mastitis a few days after that and still sometimes try to console myself with the thought that I would have had to stop then anyway. I still feel guilty over the whole episode and this is what makes me really angry when I hear people criticising mothers who bottle feed. No one knows their circumstances. I know that bf is the best way to feed and I really wish I could have done it. But I would always respect someones decision to bottle feed and CL you are being a good friend to your pal by also doing so.

Crunchie & Lil - agree with you both completely and I had similar experiences. After a complicated labour and final emergency c-section I was completely knackered but still wanted to try breastfeeding. Although I couldn't seem to get any of the midwives/auxillaries in the ward to pass me my son to feed him ( this was before I could sit/stand up) I had several offers to 'take him away into the nursery and give him a bottle' ). Its so confusing, and I found distressing, to be faced with conflicting advice/help from the 'healthcare profession'. I perservered and managed to bf for about 4 months. Like you, though, my HV painted a picture of "its all or nothing" i.e. you shouldn't 'mix' bottle and breast. After almost 3 months when I was so mentally and physically shattered (and had lost over a stone from my pre-pregnancy weight - sounds great I know, but I actually think I was rather ill - ds was a huge, hungry baby and I just couldn't keep up with his needs!) it was actually my husband who made me see sense and we agreed to give him a bottle for night time feeds. Within days I felt so much better - I began to get some decent periods of sleep and dh could happily help out with feeding. On the milk supply adjusting thing, I'm sure its true that you need to get your milk 'flowing properly' over the first few weeks or so, but after that I really don't think there should be a problem - mine adjusted really quickly after just a couple of nights. I'll definitely be opting for the 'third way' for No. 2 in July!

Crunchie, Lil and motherofone, same here! I've posted elsewhere and at length on how mixed feeding suited my sons and I - and so helped me breast feed for longer. I, too, wish health professionals would promote it as a third way.

I'm sure if someone wrote a how-to book on mixed feeding, it would be a best seller.

Great comments - I too enjoyed the 'third way' after a miserable first few weeks (emergency cs - under G.A. - plus the news that my baby had a serious health problem - no one seemed to connect this with the difficulty I had getting BF going!!)
mixed feeding was just so much simpler - completely agree about room temperature milk - I never warmed any up - just stopped BF at 8 months and am delighted that DS happily drinks from a cup all the time now.

Here's to the 'third way'.

At last - a discussion about feeding that has not developed into a "those who bottle feed are bad mothers" fight. I have spent the last few days following a thread on Babycentre where mums are just trading insults. At least here, everyone is expressing their views in a sane and rational manner and, hopefully offering you some useful advice to pass onto your friend,CL. I was always sure that I wanted to breastfeed, but dd wasn't as sure! I struggled for 6 weeks and then gave in and switched to bottles. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but thanks to support from mine & dh family & my HV my life became a happier place & dd a happier baby. One of the best things about bottle feeding was that dh got really involved and he assures me it helped him bond with dd. CL, the best thing you can do is be there for your friend, whatever decision she makes.

One littel aside about the mixed feeding thing, as some of you might know I work for a baby magazine and this month (Feb issue) we have a feature all about feeding, and we did 'Breast, Bottle and Mixed' and the reaction has been very positive. Very few people give advice on the 'third way' and I felt this feature was very balanced, aside from the fact that it was me they used as a case study!!! (names are changed to protect my identity!)

I really wish more advice was given on this, infact the only real advice I found was in Gina Ford of all places and she sees it as great and really gave me the confidence that my milk wouldn't dry up/or overproduce and that my dd wouldn't get 'nipple confusion'. I am sure this is the case with some babies, but I think probably not most, they are hungry they want food, simple!

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