Colouring icing - what am I doing wrong?!

[MerryCouthyMows]

My DS3 can ONLY have Dr. Oetker Ready to Roll icing, as all other brands have cross contamination issues with almonds, which he is anaphylactic to.

(Fucking marzipan is the work of the devil, I've always hated it, now I hate it with a passion!)

Dr Oetker is only available locally in white or ivory.

I need black.

(Don't ask, bloody pirate obsession has resulted in a request for 'arrrr lag gakey'. Or Jolly Roger cake, for those that don't speak 'Two year old with Speech Delay'.)

So, I have been wrestling with Dr Oetker Gel Food Colour in Jet Black. I have used one whole tube to try to colour a 434g block of white icing. It is NOT fucking black. It is, at best, a medium-dark grey.

I have another two blocks the same to colour.

The colour has been the same from about halfway through the tube of food colour, it hasn't got any darker. Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy?????

What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make white icing black by 2.30pm tomorrow afternoon?

Heeeeeeelllllpppppp meeeeeee pllleeeeaaase!

And, more to the point, why do fucking Regalice, which I've been using for years, use the same equipment to make their bloody marzipan as they do their coloured icing?!

Do you need to use Dr Oetker colours as well as Dr Oetker icing? If not, I'd get a paste colour from a different manufacturer and try that instead of gel.

Rather than making all the icing on the cake black, could you ice (with the grey you have), then paint the black over the top? I've painted spots onto a ladybird like that.
(Not used to gel colours, I use paste.)

The party is tomorrow, I don't have a car, and ALL that is available in my entire town is the Dr Oetker gel colours or liquid colours.

If I painted it, would it dry?

I can't use the paste - there is too high a risk of cross contamination with almonds from poxy marzipan made on the same machinery.

Can the pirate have grey instead of black? I bet your DS won't notice and if he does - he won't remember tomorrow. It's late and you're tired so it seems a big deal but it's not. My dd birthday tomorrow too. Her cupcakes are a mess ( long story) but she won't notice. If it was my first child I'd be up right now remaking them. 4th child I've learnt - they really don't care/notice. Just insist all pirates wear grey trousers! And if he complains tell him it's a first world problem!

Why do I have to live in a heathen backwater that doesn't even boast one cake decorating shop?

We don't even have a Lakeland.

The worst thing?

DS3 IS my 4th DC. And unfortunately, he WILL notice. As well as the allergies, he has 'probable' Autism (he is being assessed in May.) he would notice if the flipping bones were ivory instead of white and be shouting nonononononono at the cake, let alone grey for black. He can't even name his bleeding colours, but he can tell you if it's the WRONG colour.

Which is a tad annoying in this situation.

I have managed to colour white icing to navy blue before without a hassle, for a scale model (made in cake!) Tardis, yet I can't turn it black.

I may yet resort to trying to paint it with food colouring...

Yes, DEFINITELY a first world problem. But my Autistic 2yo with allergies won't give a crap about that, only if his 'arr lag gakey' actually looks like a Jolly Roger should.

It's the first time he has ever put words together, when he asked for this cake, which is why it is so important to me - because it must be bloody important to HIM to have made him attempt to communicate when even the Speech Therapist has failed to get him to put his 'words' together.

It will show him that he CAN use words to communicate and ask for something. And it's being done in a hurry because he only asked today.

I NEEEEEEED to make this white icing black. Even if I have to steal a black hole from Outer Space and lay it on top of the blasted cake!!

Oh, you poor thing, I really feel your pain. And your determination to give DS an amazing birthday, and help him with hims comms issues, which is lovely.

But I don't know what to suggest alas. Black is really really really hard to colour, though. It's hard to get a true black even with no allergies or other limitations.

So not the most helpful post from me there, really, is it? I'd try painting a bit, (a patch test!) then dry it with hairdryer to get quick response as to how will dry properly.

Is there anything else you can work into design, can liquorice be stuck on somehow for black detail? Can you dip in chocolate, so it's grey/brown, but BETTER?

Does it have to be solid ready to roll icing? Can you build with RTR then pipe black buttercream over the top for detail?

Oh I feel your pain. Ummm the only culinary substitute I can think of is squid ink - might be a little hard to get. Or buy lots of liquorish strips and make it that way?

Sorry, last point was meant to be as you can get a blacker buttercream if you add cocoa in as well as black colouring...

Cross post with hazel witch! Chocolate good idea.

There is Dr Otker black ready to roll icing! I'm sure... I've used it?? Whereabouts are you and when do you need it for? Maybe I could check, acquire and post it to you?

*Oetker. Sorry. No excuse.

The party is tomorrow, wicked witch!

Oh sorry. Just seen its tomorrow. I really need to learn to read AND spell.

COuthy - maybe you could have a little experiment also with the RTR and the cocoa and the black? If you can get that to mix together, that might deepen the colours? NB am presuming that you have a suitable cocoa to hand...

Black is a notoriously tricky colour to get by yourself and it's always better to get the pre-coloured stuff and the best you will usually get is grey. I'm so sorry I don't have anything useful to suggest OP, but I really can't think of any way you would be able to get true black. I have heard of people using brown and black together to get a darker shade though.

Where are you? If you let us know there might be someone nearby who has some black sugarpaste they can give you.

We ended up using 6 tubes of black gel food colouring. We got it to a very dark charcoal grey colour that I then used a glaze over, which made it 'barely black' (like the tights colour).

It passed muster, and DS3 was very happy with his 'Arr lag gakey'.

It took nearly 12 hours of kneading gel colour into icing to get it that dark though. I wouldn't recommend it unless you are trying to save on a gym membership fee!

My Ex (DS3's dad) and I spent almost 6 hours each just fucking kneading. I'm going to have guns like Arnie!

Great, well done for getting it to work!

I wouldn't recommend it unless you are trying to save on a gym membership fee

You should bring out an exercise DVD -- "Ice your way to fitness with CouthyMow". Dr Oetker might sponsor it...

Sounds like my kind of exercising - mostly because cake is the end product!