support needed.....homecooked food rejected..AGAIN

[smoggie]

I know this had been convered countless times, but bear with me I just wanted a rant.
Both ds's have allergies, so it takes a while to think up, shop for and plan nutritious balanced meals that aren't pre-cooked crap.
So obviously what happens?.....ds1 refuses point blank to eat it, ds2 has a few nmouthfuls and then wants to get down from highchair. ds1(3) would eat fish fingers and chips till they were coming out of his ears, but when I put the latest homemade offering in front of him...not a chance.
Ususal story, used to be an excptionally good eater, but seems to just enjoy winding me up now at mealtimes. He will eat sheherds pie, sometimes fish pie, spag bol, pasta bake type stuff but its hit and miss at the moment. I've tried making sure I'm timing it right (admittedly today it was a bit late for him and he was tired), but even when I cooked sunday roast for 11.45 this week, he only ate the meat. I make sure we all sit down to eat together whenever poss. too.
I have started being firm and not offering anything else if he refuses the food, but I'm afraid I find it so hard to do the 'take it away without a fuss' thing. Am I wrong to be giving him a guilt trip i.e. 'I've spent a lot of time, please just have a little, etc etc.'?

I don't agree with the Penelope Leach strategy of offering them alternatives because quite frankly I haven't got the time or engergy to be making three or four things at mealtimes. Please let me know if you've had success with the 'take it aaway without any fuss' strategy. I'm afraid I take it too personally when they refuse my stuff as I put a lot of effort into it don't want to have to compromise on my principles of not giving them crap.
Sorry to rant/ramble. Please please tell me a strategy that will work to get (particularly ds1) to eat well again.

I know how tempting the guilt trip thing is but it just doesn't work. They don't really understand it in the same way that an adult would. Or care! (Hasn't stopped me doing it occasionally out of frustration, of course...).

Staying calm, putting the food in front of them, removing it if they don't eat, works if you do it consistently. (Confession - I do find myself slipping into offering alternatives every so often - it is hard, I know).

I've just always given DS one thing to eat, if he doesn't eat it then that's it he doesn't get lunch, if you never waver they will learn. He eats all kinds of food, as long as he can chew it.

I just leave him with the food, calmly eat mine next to him, feed DD hers, give DD milk, if he hasn't finished it by then thatn I give him a warning and if he doesn't start eating it goes back to the kitchen until he says he's hungry... (I attach him by his reins to the dining room chair to avoid heel kicking tantrums)

This isn't why my DS is a skinny mini honest

(some days he refuses food entirely, but on these days I've tried everything and it hasn't helped, I'm not cruel honest!)

Ok, I've got to be strong and possibly give a warning that if I take it away there's nothing else, then wait a while and then remove it if not action...and the difficullt part...not let him see that I am totaly p'd off ;-)
Question....if in an hour or so he announces he's hungry, do I offer him the same (with the same proviso - ie eat it or nothing else) or offer something completely different?? Or offer him something else (sarnie type) and give him the same meal for tea?
WHat worries me is that he used to be 75th centile and is now 50th - I know this is still a healthy level, but comparatively for him, he's dropped quite a bit over the last year. I suppose I'm just passing on my anxieties about this by trying to get him to eat more/better. I should try to chill out a bit more about it I know.

I'm experiencing similar problems with 15 month old dd at the moment. Generally she will eat most pasta or rice type things, especially with cheese in them. Not bad on veg, okay with bananas and mangoes etc, but when offered slices of apple, chews it and spits most of it out. Will eat shepherds pie and the like, but will not eat small lumps of meat. It's driving me crazy! I try not to let her see that it winds me up, but she has enough teeth and can chew just fine. Taste isn't the issue, as if I blend meat into casserole or sauce she eats it. I think it's just the texture. But I really worry she is not getting enough protein in her diet, esp as she has gone off baked beans and sometimes eggs etc. Like you ladies I cook for her mostly, as don't feel she should be really having jars or rubbish chicken nuggets etc. I now don't offer alternatives either, but it is so hard and I worry too. Not a helpful answer but just wanted to say you're not alone!