mealtime battles

[myermay]

bit of advise need please. DS aged 3 has never been a big eater. I feel that each mealtime is a battle. Can anyone give me adivse on how they deal with mealtimes? like today we've got a big family meal at my parents and he pretty much refuses to sit and eat....my mum thinks just let him get down and go and play, which is obvioulsy the easiest option as we all eat in peace. But i feel that if he doesn't sit down and eat then he shouldn't be allowed to go off and play. A friend suggested that if he won't eat, just put him up to bed, no fuss, just bed. Please advise as i'm desperate to know what's the right thing to do. Also he doesn't pig out on sweets/choc etc

relax, and let him play! He's three!!!!!! Maybe worry if he was like this at ten, but three, no worries!

He will eat what his body wants and needs, and I feel it's unreasonable to expect him to sit and eat if he's really not hungry.

Relax, don't make an issue out of it for him or you - he should be able to play, and you should be able to eat in peace! Why shouldn't everybody be happy?

As you say, he doesn't pig out on sweets etc so you know he is genuinely not hungry if he refuses.

i tend to agree. We have this with Jess all the time (i know she is not quite 2 yet, but a very determined little madam)

If she doesnt want to eat, she doesnt eat, nothing we do can make her, she goes and plays and is happy.

We have found that not feeding her at lunch time (other than yoghurt and fruit) helps, because it means she will eat her evening cooked meal.

She is survivng on weetabix, toast, yoghurt and fruit during the day, before a small portion of whjatever we are having and tea time.

HTH

yes, exactly jessandrebeccasmum, we have always found the same with our DS, he will only really eat one actual meal a day; eg weetabix for breakfast, a bit of ham and salady bits (or houmous and breadsticks with salad) for lunch, then he will eat a good amount of dinner.

I have always just thought that he will eat what he needs. And I certainly haven't got the energy to try and keep him at the table when he's done!!!

I would just go with the flow - you can't force someone to eat if they aren't hungry & if you do then you are setting them up for obesity later in life as they won't recognise what feeling full will mean & therefore overeat. To punish someone for not being hungry seems very odd to me. You wouldn't expect a 3 year old to sit still at any other time of the day for an hour or so, so why expect it at mealtimes (especially when he may not be getting as much constant attention than at other times as you are all eating & chatting etc). If you want him to sit with you & he is clearly not hungry (say you are out at a restaurant) then maybe have a pad of paper and pencil to hand for drawing or a book to read to keep him occupied. My ds is 20 months & often gets bored quickly at mealtimes so we sing with him (action songs like wind the bobbin up, wheels on the bus etc) & chat to him, asking him to name various parts of him (head, hair, hand etc) & that seems to work most of the time. If we are at home & he has finished eating then we let him go off & play. Although tbh what he usually wants is to sit on someone's lap and help them eat - so he is still involved with the meal anyway!

If your LO has plenty of energy & is hitting his development targets then I wouldnt worry - he is likely to be getting enough nutrients.

please don't put the poor little fellow in bed as your friend suggested!

What do you think of the suggestions so far?

thanks for all your advise. Do you really think that if we're all eating that he shoudl be allowed to run around and play, crawl around under the table? I don't expect him too sit until we're all finished but i don't think expecting a 3.5 yo to sit and eat a few mouthfuls at the dinner table alot to ask, especially seeing as he's capable sitting still at preschool and whilst watching TV. Also he's happy to sit and demolish it if it's fish fingers and chips type food.

I agree if he's not hungry, but i think he is, as 5 mins later he's asking for icecream, bisucuits etc. Which we say no too unless he eats a little bit of tea first, i dont' think that's unreasonable.

I've only been giving him some nibbly bits for lunch, so he has a really big breakfast (which he always sits for about 10mins for)and then not much else until 5-6 o'clock. I just don't think he's bothered about food. Obviously he's at his most tired in the evening, which doesn't help

Think i'll start to dish things up that i know he really likes, and will sit and eat for 5-10moins and then start to introduce other bits.

think that's a really good idea about making sure it's stuff you know he will sit and eat. I know what you mean about him being able to sit at other times; I have started to tell my DS that if he has so many mouthfuls of his dinner, he can have some pudding - and this seems to work. Also, I think as they get older it's worth just gently reminding them that it's nice if they stay at the table with you - I'm a great believer that if you tell kids what you would like, then as soon as they are capable of doing it then they probably will. it's about readiness to do things, he's not being naughty.

Good luck!