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Original poster

2yo refusing to feed himself- wwyd?

21 replies

LaTristesse · 15/07/2012 18:00

I know he likes the food, and he says he's hungry. I suspect he's just being lazy because when I put a forkful in his mouth he eats fine. But he refuses to do it himself. Do I stick to my guns and just take the plate away unbeaten after half an hour, or do I relent and feed it to him? There are many reasons why I don't want to do the latter but am I wrong?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 15/07/2012 18:01

I would feed him. DS was the same and then suddenly started feeding himself, 2 is still very young really.

midori1999 · 15/07/2012 18:02

I would take it away, if he's hungry he'll eat it and it won't kill him if he doesn't.

sooperdooper · 15/07/2012 18:03

Is he just trying to get your attention do you think? Did he used to feed himself and now he's stopped?

midori1999 · 15/07/2012 18:03

Just to add, I expect my 1 year old to feed herself, so two doesn't seem young to me...

SpottyTeacakes · 15/07/2012 18:05

My dd is two and I expect her to feed herself, not that she would let me feed her!

CelticRepublican · 15/07/2012 18:19

My DS is nearly three and is still about 2/3 spoonfed. He's not remotely interested in food, is underweight and I doubt he would eat enough by himself ( and it would take all day!)

He has seen a dietitian who was completely unfazed by this and just said I should carry on getting food into him and he'll get there eventually. In your position with a normal weight child I'm not sure what I would do, but I wouldn't worry about the spoon feeding if that's what suits you both.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 15/07/2012 18:55

My DS was like this at 2, but he got better, going to nursery helped as he soon learned to eat by himself, but given the chance he wanted me to do everything for him. He was fine by the time he started school. Though he has always wanted me to do everything for him, so it may be a sign of his temperament, mine has to be nudged towards independence all the time, he doesn't want to grow up!

Original poster
LaTristesse · 15/07/2012 19:22

I think I have one like you Milk. He'll eat 80% of his breakfast himself and will eat finger foods and yoghurts/fruit pots etc himself but main meals are a biiiig struggle. I've been trying to get him to do it himself as I'll be weaning his sister in a couple of months and don't really want to be spooning food into everyone! Thanks for the replies, interesting mixed responses and good to see many of you don't think it's horrendous that a 2yo doesn't feed themselves! I think I'll encourage him to do it himself but get a few spoons in him if he refuses. (he's definitely not going to waste away!)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 15/07/2012 19:28

I had a friend with this problem. But the child would eat fruit chopped into pieces. And other finger food. Sometimes if you make a thing of it the problem only gets worse. The terrible two's! Not being able to do things because they want Mum to do it. My DD was like this about getting dressed for totally what seemed like years!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 15/07/2012 19:34

I would do the 'You are a big boy, you need to feed yourself or you will be hungry' - it will only take a few meals for him to understand that it's wise to eat when there's food there :) You want to get this sorted before you start weaning the baby. He is only little, but plenty big enough to feed himself and he wont fade away Wink

Original poster
LaTristesse · 15/07/2012 19:44

Yeah that's what I thought Chipping, but it's not worked yet! (the learning the 'eat or you'll be hungry' lesson). We've stopped all snacks, all desserts (fruit basically) and treats because he 'hasn't eaten his dinner', but he ultimately doesn't seem bothered. Until the plate gets taken away then he howls like a banshee- he's not putting 2 and 2 together!
And yes he is like it in other areas, wants carrying all the time and refuses to dress himself (easy things like socks, wellies etc, I don't expect him to do his buttons up or anything!).

OP posts:
sommewhereelse · 15/07/2012 19:53

It's probably significant that he has a younger sibling. DS ate by himself but then when I starting spoonfeeding DD, he didn't want to any more. I spoke to a woman who worked with preschoolers and she said it was quite common with older siblings. I wouldn't worry about it. He'll grow out of it if you don't make an issue and when you are feeding her, he may be too hungry to wait for his turn to be spoonfed and just get on with it.

mrtu · 16/07/2012 02:33

This reply has been deleted

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TapirBackRider · 16/07/2012 03:26

Reported

OneLittleBabyTerror · 16/07/2012 10:06

I think 2 year olds are far too old to feed themselves tbh. One of the questions from the HV at 1 is how much self feeding they are doing, and whether they are eating family meals.

Is he going to a nursery? In DD's nursery, only the very young babies (around 6 or 7mo) are spoonfed. Everyone else feeds themselves.

But if he's been self feeding fine before, and has suddenly turn to you to feed him, then it could be attention seeking because of the younger sibling. If he's been spoonfed the whole time, then you need to stick with your guns, or you'd really be spoonfeeding two at the same time!

OneLittleBabyTerror · 16/07/2012 10:08

I mean far too old to not be self feeding.

WantAnOrange · 17/07/2012 07:36

I personally wouldn't spoon feed him, I'd let him go hungery BUT he is your child, so follow your gut instinct, Do you think he's doing it just to be a little git challenging, or do you think he just doesn't get it yet?

What's his langauge comprehension like? Does he understand other simple instructions yet? Are his fine motor skills good in other areas?

The most likely explaination is he wants your attention. Try sitting down with him for 10 minutes "mummy and me time" each day, where he has your complete, undivided attention. Let it be child-led play, just sit by him and comment on what he is doing (a bit like a sports commentator only calmer), give him lots of praise. It's not a quick fix but it's getting to the route of the attention problem without giving in over meals.

Original poster
LaTristesse · 17/07/2012 13:48

Oh he definitely gets it! He eats his breakfast fine one his own, wolfs it down! And lunch too. His comprehension is spot on and his communication is fine. He's just being lazy challenging! He gets plenty of one on one time, the baby gets left in her rocking chair as she's an angel and is happy just to watch whereas he is demanding and won't leave me be for 5 minutes!

OP posts:
WantAnOrange · 18/07/2012 08:12

Well then it sounds like you are getting it right! If he's eating his other meals then he won't starve, I'd just let him get on with it, If he doesn't eat it, well Tuff luck! I'd ignore any temper tantrums if you don't spoon feed him. (easier said than done, I know).

Honestly, he sounds like a normal terrible two year old and it will pass.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 18/07/2012 13:02

Well, just stick with it :) He knows what's what and if you give in your are just reinforcing that shouting like a banshee gets him what he wants. Just calmly carry on and ignore him. It will pass and the less attention he gets for it, the sooner it will pass.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 18/07/2012 13:04

Oh and the other thing I do if it's annoying me is pick them up, facing away from me and plonk them unceremoniously on their bottom in another room and leave them there

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