3 yr old hunger strike

[Certainlynot]

Please help, I'm at my wits end! My 3 year old ds who is normally a good eater has since a week now gone to the extreme and is refusing to eat anyting and I mean anything (and he doesn't seem to be ill). He won't even taste a spoonful and this is after he's told me what he wants (within reason), my expectations are so low now that I'd be happy if he had just a few spoonfuls. To begin with I would send him to his bedroom (where he goes when he's v.naughty which is seldom) because I didn't think it was right if he thought he could just carry on playing/watching TV after refusing to eat anything. Now everytime he refuses to eat he says he wants to go to his bedroom and goes there himself and lies in his bed (he doesn't have many toys in his room). To begin with I didn't think he would starve himself and refused to start offering what is normally viewed as treats like cookies/chocolate just to get him to eat something because I thought when he got really hungry he'd start eating again but on Saturday he came to me with tummy pains and promply threw up (although there was hardly anything to throw up). This of course panicked both dh and myself and we spent the weekend letting him just nibble on all sorts of rubbish just as long as he ate something (which he did but not much). I spoke with his teachers at school last week to find out if he was eating his lunch there and he was so at least I was comforted that he was eating something a day, but today they told me that he refused to eat anything and he virtually had nothing for breakfast and now is refusing anything for tea - I had him suggest something - weetabix with milk and gave him that and he wouldn't even touch it. I've tried asking him why he's not eating (but don't really get a reply) and have told him why he needs to eat but this isn't making any difference. He knows it really upsets me and since coming hom from school and refusing to eat anything has taken himself off to his bedroom and has stayed there since. Help - I'm desperate, he's unhappy and I'm in tears. My normally happy ds is getting listless and tired (not surprisingly) and according to his teachers was not at all himself today. He does seem to be starving himself. Am I dealing with it all wrong? - suggestions please!

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Oh dear, I'd be terribly worried too if I were you. It sounds to me like there is something which is really really bothering him and this is how it is manifesting itself, together with him staying in his room by himself. Children at this age can get the wrong end of all sorts of sticks, so it may be something he has heard which he has misunderstood and has made him unhappy? Or maybe it is something which is upsetting him at school (although if he stopped eating at home first I'd guess it wasn't school related). I'd try and have some gentle chats to him which are completely unrelated to food - about his feelings, about things that have gone on recently, Christmas etc, and see if anything comes up. Are you pregnant or is there a new baby around? Anything new that might be unsettling him? Plans to move house, anyone ill anywhere etc etc?
Best of luck. If you don't have any luck with him and if you have a nice sympathetic GP, I'd take him to the GP and get her/him to ask various questions while you sit quietly and see if he will come up with anything to them....

Please don't get caught in the trap of giving him anything jusst to get him to eat, or of asking and giving him anything he wants for that reason either. Whether he's testing you, or whether he is genuinely upset about something or ill, he needs consistency and reliability from you, and calmness too. It's very difficult, I know, but so important. My ds went through several hunger strikes (though admittedly none as tough as yours). Sometimes the reason was fairly obvious, or became obvious later, and for some I have no idea why they happened. Whatever the cause of the strike, your ds will be picking up on your feelings about it, and may be making it more extreme because it gets a reaction out of you.

A 3yo often cannot say 'why' he does something, and being asked why can be upsetting to him IME. 'What bothers you about xxxx?' may be better than 'Why won't you xxxx?'

What I did when ds went on strike was to continue presenting meals and snacks at the usual times, but make sure they were things he would normally eat (just not all 'treats' and in tiny portions. I did give him full-strength juice rather than diluted, as I thought the flavour might be more appetising.

For such an extreme hunger strike I'd be inclined to go to the doctor, or to your HV if you prefer, just to make sure there's nothing physical causing it.

Poor you. Very distressing...but these things do pass, honest!

Sorry about the wink - mneant to be a close-brackets.

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