Help my toddler refuses to eat

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So I have a nearly 21mth old little boy...when I weaned him onto solids I was very nervous as I am a vegetarian but I don't want him to be one just yet (he can make his own mind up in time) so due to me being useless with cooking meat, fish and poultry I decided to give him the jars of food, Heinz, and the like...when I did cook for him - mostly spuds and veg mixed with a bit of chicken soup he refused to eat it and still does to this day....I put little things like a bit of ham, some cooked soft carrots and some potatoes on a divider plate for him and he turns his nose up and refuses to eat it.

So what do I do, if he refuses to eat what I have made, do I let him go hungry and he will eat when he is starving, or do I force feed him...I just don't know what to do

Also he used to have porridge for his breakfast and loved it and now he wont eat anything but petit filous yogurt..I am tearing my hair out over this one

Hm, so what does he eat now? Just yoghurt? Anything else?

definitely no force feeding. You say when you weaned him you were very nervous... do you think you're transferring some of your unease to him?

I'm a vegetarian too and my DS (33 months now) has always been a fussy eater. At the worst point (probably around 22 months) he was down to a list of 3 things he would eat, he's up to about 14 things now which is good enough for me.

Force feeding is unlikely to get anywhere, I wouldn't go there.

My DS used to make a big fuss about not eating when I was trying to persuade him to eat. When I started ignoring him at meal times and not getting stressed, he relaxed too and did start to eat.

Most young children are happier with a "grazing" food intake with just a few bites of something every 3 or 4 hours - this is OK, you can move him towards a more normal 3-meals-a-day pattern when he is older.

Try leaving small snacks on a coffee table nearby when he is playing - don't draw his attention to them, just leave them there and read a book or do some housework, turning your back on where the food is regularly. He might investigate.

Don't try to make things to an adult understanding of nice food - keep it bland. I would hate to eat a bowl of plain unadulterated pasta but my DS ate nothing else for a while and this was OK - pasta contains plenty of protien.

Don't worry too much about making the food you give him "healthy" - at this age he just needs some calories, fat and protien (vitamins are good but you can work on that later) - it's not a disaster if he gets this nutrition from "unhealthy" food for a while (within reason, I'm not advocating a diet of candy-floss!) until he is mature enough to develop better eating habits.

xk makes some great points...

Do you sit and eat as a family? don't talk about food, don't mention how much he's eaten, just do some chat ("ooh look at that pretty bird in the garden, did you enjoy the park this morning" that sort of thing). Let him see you eating and enjoying your food. Talk about your food if you like, but don't mention his.

He will pass through this phase. Ds was terrible, he ate four or five things for nearly a year, now at 4.7 he's really good. He sits for a whole meal, he will usually clear his plate with no encouragement from me, he's even open to trying new things which he never did.

Also, I know you don't want to bring him up as a vegetarian, but there's no harm in him having some veggie meals, plenty of lentils, beans, pulses, grains etc, and dairy. Give him small portions of what you have. Keep portions tiny, large meals are really intimidating for little children.

Good luck!

My fussy toddler will eat lots of things from his little snack pot whilst he is doing other things. He is also a social eater so will eat ok at nursery and at parties oe with friends. just keep trying different things with him.

We've been through this too. Don't make a fuss about it, leve lots of snacks lying around and let him eat things he enjoys for a while without pressing anything he isn't fond of on him and it will pass. Everything will pass! (rocks back and forth)

I second (third) the no force feeding. You will drive yourself mad and get nowhere. DC1 is also a lover of plain pasta and I assumed that DC2 would be the same but actually prefers to eat whatever we are eating.

Yes your anxieties about food would quite possibly be picked up on so just go with whatever works for now. Like headfairy we make a point of eating meals at the table, as a family where possible and most importantly not making a big deal of what DC1 was eating. The minute we remarked on a new food being tried it went back down on the plate. Now we ignore ignore.

DC1 has gotten much better - not a huge variety but a healthy mix of foods. I stopped listening to the bragging of friends as their toddlers have almost all gone through dodgy eating patches since.

We also bought multivitamins for ds1 as were worried that he wasn't getting muh "healthy" stuff in but I think they have to be a little older for those?

Leve? Leave!

whilst I make a big deal of sitting down and having a meal with the dcs, I dont' stop dd when she gets down (she's 2.3) and goes off and plays. At that age toddlers just don't want to sit down and eat. My sister really disapproves, but I just leave dd's food on the table and if she wants to wander back in later and have some she can (I've even been known to pop her food in a box and take it to the park if we're going out!)

She will get there in the end, I don't for one second believe two year olds can sit down for anything like a proper meal, but I do show her by example that eating is a social activity where we all sit and chat. Even when she wanders off I'll stay with ds and finish our meal, he gets my undivided attention then which he loves :o

I agree with the other posters. I used to do 'a plate of interesting food' - cucumber sticks, halved cherry toms, halved grapes, little bread sticks, houmous, little cubes of cheese. Leave it there, he will eat some.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but my oldest DD is 8 now and eats like a horse (in a good way!). My youngest DD is 3 and is still hit and miss (unless its chocolate) - and I still get stressed out by this, even though I know she'll come good in the end.

Its very difficult because part of your job as a mother is to feed them, so it is very stressful when they won't eat. It maybe a case of little and often with your DS though, which is a healthy way to eat anyhow. Good luck.

I worry about this with my 26 month old. If he had his way he'd live on jam & toast, baked beans, fish fingers, apples, grapes & raisins.
But he has plenty of energy, he's healthy & happy & nice & chubby so I do try not to worry too much. He has days when he won't even try what I've given him but am already setting boundaries in that if he doesn't eat it he doesn't get anything else...results in a few tantrums but I think it's important to get this in place now.
Am hoping it will get easier when I can reason with him a bit more! (wishful thinking I'm sure!)

I read a fantastic book about kids and eating, it's main underlying message was that as a parent it is your job to PROVIDE a healthy balanced meal and it's NOT your job to MAKE them eat it!!!!

How are you getting one now? Have you changed anything since posting?

Peronally I wouldn't offer petit filou for breakfast, if he doesn't want his porridge try something else but not a desert. My dc have both got a knife (£3 from pampered chef) that won't cut them but that they can chop with. Sometimes they like to chop up different fruit and have that for breakfast, does that sound like something you could try?

We have a fussy eater and here's what we do.

We all eat together.
The food gets served up and we chat and eat.
We don't ask her to eat or comment on how much or little she is eating
We the rest of us have finished we give her a bit longer (about 20-30 minutes from serviing) and clear away.
We don't offer an alternative

If she hasn't eaten I just assume that she's not hungry.

Agree with the others that some of your nervousness might be sensed by DS. The best thing I ever did with DD is just to relax and trust that she will not starve herself.

I haven't read this book but know lots of people who have and its had fab reviews, might be worth having a look at.

Know that you don't want him to be veggie but I can't see a problem with him having a mainly veggie diet if it's easier for you. Do you get him to cook with you too as this often helps. If you are stuck for ideas of things to give him there are some great recipes on MN, BBC and the BLW site.

Have a look at Broccolli and Cheese Muffins, Lentil Bolognese, Vegetable Nuggets, vegetarian mousaka, and this one is good because he can choose the fillings and they are quick and easy for you

Dessert not desert, obviously it is very unwise to offer any child a desert for any meal, whatever the circumstances .