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Food/recipes

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Original poster

"you can have some sweets/ice cream/cake if you eat a good amount of your main course."

34 replies

emkana · 05/02/2006 23:11

A reasonable approach or one that will instill eating disorders in your child?

PS A "good amount" being near enough all if reasonable child sized portion, but less than that if portion too big/adult sized.

OP posts:
Pixiefish · 05/02/2006 23:12

worked for us when we were kids. i don't have an eating disorder

harpsichordcarrier · 05/02/2006 23:16

I don't like it as an approach
it assumes some foods are good and some bad
not a good message imho

Original poster
emkana · 05/02/2006 23:19

This is what I'm wondering harpsi.
Isn't it the case that some foods are good and some are bad?
I aim to eat a variety of fruit and veg a day - love fruit, so no hardship there, like some veg too - but tbh if I never ate broccoli again I wouldn't miss it for its taste! I eat it because I know it's good for me. On the other hand I limit my intake of chocolate etc. because I know it's not that good for me. What's wrong with teaching children that? (Genuine question!)

OP posts:
colditz · 05/02/2006 23:20

I don't know if it is good or bad. I do it.

I know one thing that makes a child a difficult child to feed, and that is anxious parental hovering with a spoon, so I have never done that.

My mum did, and as soon as I went to school and my eating wasn't scrutinised, I ate!

colditz · 05/02/2006 23:22

Yes, i think this "All food is the same" malarky doesn't work, kids can taste the difference, and if you don't teach them moderation with chocolate and abundance for veg, they might grow up thinking they can live on chocolate.

nzshar · 05/02/2006 23:37

"it assumes some foods are good and some bad"
But harpsi isnt that true? Isn't this what 'they' have been telling us for years? Truely confused in Watford here.
I do this with my toddler, though admittingly the dessert here is fruit and usually offered later anyways afetr all he is only 20 months

bobbybobbobbingalong · 05/02/2006 23:42

I put ds lunch is a tupperware with 4 sections. a little cake and a couple of mini biscuits or raisins in the tiny sections, some fruit pieces in the medium sized and a sandwich in the largest section. He starts with the cake, then the fruit and finishes with the sandwich. It all goes to the same place after all.

Good food for us is food that won't kill him, anything else is given is appropriate portion sizes.

fishie · 05/02/2006 23:43

i think its ok if your pud is on the wholesome side - fruit and yog/crumble/pie etc - if child really doesn't want main course why not just start again. if sweeties and ice cream then risk giving message that main course is ghastly chore to be got over.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/02/2006 08:17

I really don't agree that some food is BAD certainly not any food I will be offering to my toddler.
tbh I don't ususally offer ANY sort of dessert. sweet stuff (like chocolate/biscuits) then I would give this if it is asked for, in moderation and NOT at the dinner table.
If she is still hungry after a meal I would offer some fruit or a yoghurt but not as a "reward" for the terrible trial of eating the savoury course.
I like bobbyetcetc approach, that seems sensible.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/02/2006 09:04

btw I agree some foods should be moderated of course, and otehrs encouraged
but I don't think the way to do this is to bribe a child to eat the "nasty" foods by a promise of "nice" foods
ALL the food I serve is delicious and no one need be bribed to eat it

Miaou · 06/02/2006 09:19

hmm. Just been thinking about this.

We do expect our kids to eat a certain amount of their first course - they have to try everything on their plate, and eat a certain amount of each food type (carbohydrates, veg, protein). We don't insist they finish it unless we think they are taking the p**s

Pudding in our house is usually fruit or yoghurt, occasionally a cake or muffin. It is not discussed until the first course is finished with, therefore never used as a bribe or a threat.

When I was a child I was not allowed to have pudding until I had finished my first course, and having a small appetite and a sweet tooth mealtimes were often a miserable affair!

Orinoco · 06/02/2006 20:52

Message withdrawn

mistressmiggins · 06/02/2006 20:56

pudding in our house is usually yoghurt or fruit or icecream

my kids have to eat some of their meal - when DS starts saying finished and hasnt eaten much, I split the plate into 2 and he happily eats one half....

I dont want my children having an eating disorder and dont agree with "eat all dinner or no pudding" so think that this is good way for my family....

divamummy · 06/02/2006 21:31

i hope i will not be saying that to dd, as long as she eaten. its depends on the way you cook and what you eat. friends husband is quite big bloke and he says his family were big and they used to eat big. its hard, to say its approach. i like to make pudding, pie and crumble for occasional dinner, mostly once a month. normally its icecream after dinner once or twice a week. yogurt is once a day after lunch.i dont think they are bad if you eat them right. you got to teach your child this. i seen teen who only eats chocolates and sweets, i will blame parents, thats wrong. it shouldnt start at first/ its like killing your child

nooka · 06/02/2006 22:39

Depends on the child. ds doesn't have a sweet tooth anyway, so it's not going to make any difference to how he eats, and as he is a good eater, I don't have any worries there. dd on the other hand is a poor eater without incentives. I would not be giving her pudding (of any sort) if she didn't eat a good amount of her first course, but wouldn't use it as a bribe, as such. It's just how it is. You are given a nice meal, you eat it. My mother used the "all the more for us" tactic (I have three brothers and sisters, and someone else would always eat whatever it was I was turning my nose up at). I do try and ensure that she likes what she is given, and I let her decide how much she has of things, because I don't think that force feeding is a good thing. I think that the example that you set to your children around eating is probably more important that anything else in determining their future attitudes to food. If they see that you have a healthy attitude to food, they will probably have the same. I also think that bribery/punishment and/or comforting predominantly with sweets (well food full stop) is to be avoided.

GDG · 06/02/2006 22:45

I've done it and still do - I don't care - if it means they eat carrots, peas, potato and chicken rather than just the blob of ketchup then I'm quite happy to give a small chocolate or a biscuit afterwards. They always have to eat fruit after main course too - sometimes they are too full for the treat by then anyway (well, ds1 anyway, ds2 always has room for a treat!)

Sometimes I threaten to take away other things such as Takeshi's Castle before bed or bedtime story.

Only need to 'bribe' when they are being really awkward about a meal - most times they eat a good amount anyway.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/02/2006 22:47

(what's Takeshi's castle GDG? and is it worth eating spinach for )

elliott · 06/02/2006 22:53

I do this but worry about whether I should My take on it is basically that if they are not hungry enough to eat their main course then they are not hungry enough for pudding (which usually means fruit or yoghurt, or occasionally a nice cooked crumble or ice cream). The reason I do it is to establish the idea that pudding is not a substitute for a meal, but an optional supplement - and I suppose to set socially acceptable norms for eating (none of us I presume would pick at a meal at a friends house and then wolf down two helpings of pudding would we? )
I can see that insisting food is finished is not a good thing - and I don't. But if they aren't hungry, then that's the end of the meal.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/02/2006 22:55

insisting food is finished is the worst thing OF ALL imho
I want my dd's to eat when they're hungry and stop when they're NOT
anything else is an eating disorder or the beginnings of it...
sorry this is quite a parpy subject for me......

GDG · 06/02/2006 22:57

Agree, I don't make mine clear the plate if they don't want to. Tbh, I think I put too much on the plate and they probably get bored with it - I know I do!

Takeshi's Castle is on Challenge (channel 121 on Sky) - it's like It's a Knockout but Japanese - ds1 rofl at it!!

harpsichordcarrier · 06/02/2006 23:00

I think I would rather have cake

moondog · 06/02/2006 23:04

I don't think it is a good way to go about it,but then again in my house sweet thingsare fewand far between.
When they appear,I ensure that it is an aritrary thing,not some sort of weird reward.
My kids get what I give them.(And I love cooking so it's always good stuff.) If they don't like it,they don't eat.

muma3 · 06/02/2006 23:08

i use these rules in my house . the trick ids to stick to them though else it doesnt work.
i was forced to finish my food when i was a child and now i have a problem with not being able to stop myself when full ( whether this has anything to do with it ? ) so i wouldnt force my dd's to finish but they have to eat a resonable amount

nooka · 06/02/2006 23:19

I'm with Elliott on the reasoning, and have made that point many a time (to get the "but mummy my potato/sausage/sandwich place is full, and my fruit/cake/pudding place is empty" line, which is sweet, but factually incorrect!). I would never make my children eat if they are not hungry, but they know that if they don't eat a reasonable amount then the line is that they have finished, and there won't be anything else to eat. I do know how much they like to eat, and try and judge their helpings accordingly. I much prefer to give second helpings than have uneaten food to throw away (but that's my mother's wartime upbringing coming out!).

hunkermunker · 06/02/2006 23:31

Hmm. DS1 will often eat a banana or yoghurt halfway through having his dinner. For lunch today he ate half an egg sandwich, then half a banana, then a cereal bar, then the rest of the sandwich.

I agree with HC and Bobbybob (again!) - but then I have a child with a good appetite. However, there's no way of knowing if that's because I'm relaxed about food or because he's just naturally good at eating!

I figure that stopping when you're full is a good way of eating. It's how DS1 started life - I have no idea how much milk he used to have - and it's a good way to continue.

Mind you, he dipped mushrooms from his casserole in his yoghurt the other day...!