I love home-made, friends think it's showing off - WWYD???

[amIbeingselfish]

Regular, namechanger ....

I am having some friends round for drinks and nibbles mid-December, pre-Christmas get-together. Just drinks and nibbles, not a meal. I love pottering in the kitchen, so would perhaps make things like bread-sticks & dips ; crudites; marinated olives & cheese; spicy nuts; sticky sausages; mince pies; little cakes etc. The friends I am inviting buy all their nibbles for similar gatherings from Waitrose/M&S, and it's always lovely. But I know probably costs 2 -3 times what I would spend making my own. So, 2 factors for me: cost and personally enjoying cooking. But one of the women made a remark last time I entertained that I was "showing off" by making my own food. I didn't think I was - I thought I was just saving money and doing something I enjoyed.
So a) should I just go buy shop-bought
b) do the things I'm suggesting sound like I'm "showing off" - to me they seem fairly homely, rather than fancy. Any other suggestions for what I could make?

Do what pleases you. I bet the showing off remark was a back handed compliment. Be flattered

Cheese straws, you didn't mention cheese straws.

[child of the 60's]

Of course it's not showing off, it's food prepared with love (because you enjoy it) for friends.

You can come and show off round my house anytime.
Strikes me that detractor of yours was a little green around the gills....

c) stop worrying what other people think

Ha, the other woman was jealous that she can't cook like you!!
I wouldn't of thought twice about making my own food, and believe me I am not one of those, ooh, I am fabulous I cook everything from scratch people. Na, I'm more the thicko who it never occured to, to go buy their food pre packaged from a supermarket, (truly)
Ignore her and cater your drinks party how you see fit.

thanks... I just don't see how spending less is showing off! Good idea about the cheese straws Katie, how did I forget about them?! Truly, any time :-) Custardo, I do worry about what other people think, and I felt that if I posted on here I'd get an honest answer. It's not like I'm making fancy stuff!! Thanks, will try to go go with c)!

thanks to Saffron too. Would welcome any other ideas for quick, cheap, not too fancy/not too show-offy nibble ideas

d) Find new friends who appreciate home-prepared food.

I'm kind of in your boat. I love eating, so I do a ton of cooking and baking, and a good number of friends don't think I'm showing off, they just think I'm some sort of knit your own yoghurt type or the nutrition police for home-cooking, but I don't care.

e) make things for people who truly appreciate it and stick it in a tin and message that person (me) for her address

thanks everyone x

Your friend is jealous. And being stupid.

Can I come to your party? I'll bake a cake to die for!

I make my own coleslaw and potato salad, amongst other things, for parties and my DH tells me off for taking too much on.

I'm of your mind - do what you can yourself and it will mean so much more to your guests. Yes, the rude guest was jealous. Don't invite her again.

God! Some people!!

Sounds like jealousy or insecurity to me: on a good day I try to cook from scratch, nothing too experimental/Heston, just home cooking eg homemade fishcakes, pies, roasts, because it relaxes me. A "friend" once exclaimed "Why don't you eat normal food?" (the precooked stuff she buys). I was a bit stunned but I think she just doesn't enjoy cooking.

@ 'normal food'! What did you say? 'I'm sorry, this is normal. What you eat is strange.'

I was really taken aback, I think I blushed and said "oh" (my brain crashed as I was flicking back through memories of what I had cooked: nothing abnormal!) in hindsight I should have retorted with a comment about her pre-packed food habit (apparently unwilling even to boil rice). Drat ...

@ "normal food" - although I do have another friend (not coming to the December evening, different friendship group) who spends vast (and I mean VAST) amounts of money at M&S on nibbly things , as she feels they are superior to anything anyone could make. So on the one hand I've got a friend who thinks I'm showing off if I make stuff and another who would think I was providing inferior offerings! You just can't win, can you? I guess you should just provide what you feel like providing and be confident and unapologetic for it, whether home-made or shop bought; and be sensitive about what you say to your hosts about their food either way!

She's rude and . IGNORE!!!

I am a perennial volunteer for those who wish to test their recipes, btw... Especially for home-made cheese straws!

Of course you mustn't change, it sounds lovely.

You know that the comment comes from a certain amount of defensiveness don't you? She didn't mean 'you are showing off', she meant 'you make me feel a bit awkward because I either can't do it or can't be arsed'

Those who genuinely can't do it and accept that about themselves will be grateful and delighted. Those who genuinely don't have the time will accept that that is just how their life is and be grateful and delighted.
Anything else is their insecurity or defensiveness.

Bake. It sounds lovely.

There are two ways someone could say "you're showing off"

jokingly, friendly, slightly feeling like they wished they had the time or inclination to make lovely things

dismissively, to suggest that you are wasting your time and trying to be superior

If it's #1 - get over it and stop being over sensitive. If it's #2 - either get some better friends or practise some putdowns that let them know that that's nt acceptable behaviour

Goodness me - ignore them! They are only expressing their own inadequacy and jealousy.

Home-made is always preferable. And even if the nibbles come from M&S or Waitrose, which means they will be good quality, chances are they are things we have all had from there before, whereas yours are more original.

Part of the joy of entertaining, for me, is deciding what I'm going to cook and cooking stuff. It's lovely to present people with your own creation. Part of it, for me at least, is showing off - but so what? It's a talent! Enjoy it and celebrate your own talent.

I'd probably be lazy and buy the M&S stuff, but the home made nibbles sound lovely, I think it's a sensible and nice thing to do if you have the time and inclination. I bet they're nicer anyway!

Agree your friend is probably feeling a bit defensive, but no need for her to be rude.

at the 'normal food' comment!

I am a buy-in-it type caterer and I love getting home cooked food from other people. I hugely admire anyone who can do it and would never be as rude as this woman - it's understandable to be a little jealous (I think) but to make a remark like that, especially to your host, is simply bad mannered even if 'a joke'. So dismiss it as a tactless moment from someone whose opinion you don't need to worry about.

I'm in the same camp as OldLady. I think that it is a sign of love and friendship that someone can be bothered to cook for me. It is the ultimate hospitality. Where's the effort in unwrapping some shop-bought stuff? (even if said shop is M&S or Waitrose)

If I'm doing something like this I usually do a mix of home-cooked and bought.

thanks everyone. Trill, I do need to get over it!!! Actually, I really would like to "show off" as I love cooking and am reasonably capable. But planning simpler, more homely things for this group partly as more fitting to the occasion and partly due to madam's comments. Will save the 5* canapes for when you kind people come round!!

You only need to get over it if you are taking a comment that is meant to be friendly the wrong way.

I think your homemade thingys all sound lovely btw :)