So you take a tip from a mner and end up with a 2.5 kilo heart sat in your kitchen

[Slubberdegullion]

"They are quite big" said the butcher when I ordered it, all full of optimisim after the cheap beef cuts thread.

Well she wasn't bloody wrong.

Just look at the huge offally bastard.

Tonight I am going to attempt to turn half of it into a ragu, but after that, well I'm open to suggestions.

Google post heart purchase says that even slow cooked it's not very nice. No wonder it only cost 4 quid.

Cook or feed to the dog?

Sorry, Slubber, I'd love to be more helpful...

Maybe braised in gin (from a tin obviously)?

Valves, tubes...

Am SO SO glad I am not cooking a heart tonight. Thank you playmobil jesus.

I have made nice slow cooked heart casserole type thing in slow cooker before, but I usually buy mine already dissected diced from the butcher's counter in Morrisons

Wow- I can pretty much guarantee no-one would be expecting to see that from just reading your OP!

Probably unique oon the internet that photo...

nancy. I don't know why I was suprised that it looked so heart like, or that it was so big.
Dissection process to commence shortly.

lol @ braised in gin Funtimes.

No clue what to do with a heart.

But I do like the look of the halloween treats

only on mumsnet!!!

Do you need to pound it like an octopus?

Love the pic As someone has said, lambs hearts are easier to manage and cook. I stuff and braise them... sooooooo delicious. With a beef heart I would dice and braise it in a thick sauce, maybe red wine and tomato.

ha @ "huge offally bastard" - actually the best/funniest thing I've heard this week.

OK so I hacked it up. Must have done my bisection line in the wrong place as couldn't identify the 4 distinct chambers but

Warning: the following photos contain scenes of a visceral nature

here is it cut in half. Apart from those heart strings and a hard round thing that was possibly a valve it was all beautiful pink muscle.

and here is about a third of it all diced up ready to go into the ragu.

I have to say i am pleasantly surprised at this stage. It looks rather lovely, as offal goes.

I think vet Playmobil is going to be disappointed in trying to revive the HOB.

She's there for educational purposes only

Yup. Looking good. You can make a hearty stew out of that!

dum dum derrr...

Har

Just gave it a quick brown and it smells lovely.

Am full of hope for great heart things.

I'm drooling... can I come for dinner?

Tomorrow nocake . Has to cook all night first.

But, honestly, Slubbly, tell the truth now ... are you pleased you bought it, or is it becoming a slight pain in the arris?

Is that a heart pun bibbers?

this is the funniest thread on MN at the mo without any shadow of a doubt. good show.

No cooking tips but thank you for making me snort tea through my nose. The playmobil was a nice touch. It's threads like this that make me remember why I live mumsnet. Thanks slubber!

I'm not sure you aorta have gone for this OP. Cooking in the same vein as other mumsnettters is all very well but sometimes you have to beat your own drum. Just pulse a minute and think this through.

Goodness! What knives do you have slubber? Such perfectly formed pieces of diced meat... mine always looks like the playmobil figures hacked it up with axes...

OMG Northern hahahaha that is Defcon 5 punamundo.

Why thank you Nancy
[knife pride]
'twas dead easy to chop up. Very much like liver.

I hear it goes very well with lungs.

To eat? Or, you know, as part of the cardio respiratory system?

Never heard of eating lungs as just lungs, although I know they go in haggis.