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Original poster

Have you decided (as a policy or otherwise) to let your kids have as many sweets as they like?

33 replies

carolinecordery · 24/10/2011 18:24

Hi, I have recently come across the idea (in the book Helping Young children Flourish by Aletha Solter) of letting kids have as many sweets (and pudding) as they like, with the view that they will regulate their own diet to be a healthy one (after an initial binge if sweets have hitherto been rationed or restricted) and not grow up to crave sweets or think they are a coveted treat. Has anyone done this?
I am addicted to sugar and have an alcoholic type relationship with it and don't want that for my kids. Up till now, I've been doing the normal thing (amongst mums I know) of only letting them have sweets in small dribs and drabs and making probably too much of a big deal about it.
is it possible for kids to view sweets as just one thing to eat amongst the great variety, and for them not to prefer them above all else?

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 24/10/2011 18:30

I don't make a huge thing of it but mine don't eat them constantly either. Basically if it's in the house they can eat it. Obviously they are not allowed two packets of crisps at a time! I don't count ordinary food though - my parents counted every spud and biscuit and it wasn't helpful. I think in gerneral we make far too big an isue of food.

TheSecondComing · 24/10/2011 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ormirian · 24/10/2011 21:40

Yes, more or less. By accident really. But yes, and generally they do regulate their intake.

tentative123 · 24/10/2011 21:45

I dont intend to let my children have unrestricted access; we like the idea of sweety day on the weekends like we both had. Neither of us are particularly gorgy when it comes to the treats.

TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums · 24/10/2011 22:17

I do if they want it they can have it within reason and I explain about balance etc
I think being too strict leads to bigger food issues then allowing sweets!

AnxiousElephant · 24/10/2011 22:30

Mine are 3 and 5 and we only allow sweets after meals. They are also the children who have to be told to eat their unhealthy food i.e. burgers, chicken nuggats, chips, pizza and will be the ones gorging on tomoatoes and cucumber at parties . Today I allowed them a 1/2 pick and mix each at the cinema and they both came back with half a bag each. They both had fruit before having sweets.
I wouldn't give unlimited access because it creates peaks and troughs in blood sugar levels and then horrendous behaviour when the rush goes. Its also really bad for their teeth.

Carrotsandcelery · 24/10/2011 22:37

I know someone whose dcs once wished they could just eat crisps and junk and not eat meals. Very bravely she said yes, they could just eat crisps etc, as much as they wanted, as often as they wanted.

Very quickly they felt ill, had dull skin, and went off the idea.

I don't think I would have the courage myself but it had the desired effect with her dcs. They learnt the value of moderation very, very quickly.

lifesabeech · 24/10/2011 22:43

Moderation seems like the best idea. Let them have treats every now and then but not all the time. If you never let them have sweets etc they'll go mad for them at parties etc to make up for lost time!

ttalloo · 24/10/2011 22:50

My boys aren't allowed sweets (like Haribo), and if they are given them in party bags will hand them over to me without even being asked because they know they are bad for their teeth, but they are allowed chocolate, biscuits, ice cream, cake or crisps as treats once a day (as in one treat a day, not one of each a day!).

DS2 would happily live off crap, but DS1's favourite dessert is fruit salad .

BertieBotts · 24/10/2011 22:52

DS used to be a bit like this and I never regulated things because he would regulate pretty well himself. But then it got to a stage where he just wanted to eat loads of junk and nothing else, and he was horrible and grouchy all the time, so I stopped it. I do think I probably let him have too large portions of sweets, crisps etc though. I read posts on here saying things like that they let their DC have a few smarties from a packet at a time etc, and I don't think DS would buy that at all! But his overall health is good and we brush teeth twice a day so I don't worry about it overly.

TheSecondComing · 25/10/2011 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurprisEs · 25/10/2011 00:32

DD is allowed to eat sweets whenever they are in the house and if she asks I will buy her some. I don't want them to be forbidden and there for a must have in her eyes.

But I do monitor it from the corner of my eye. I I ever feel it's going out of control then I'll make sure to deal with it. Reeducating her etc.

dramatrauma · 25/10/2011 00:46

The theory - that a child will regulate his/herself if allowed unlimited fat and sugar - doesn't seem to make biological sense. I'm sure some would. You crave salt, sugar and fat as they were traditionally difficult to get hold of. Now they're cheap and ubiquitous.

I mean, give it a go, but I don't see why or how this would work. My DN gets all the sweets and crisps she wants (it's not exactly a policy of my DB and SIL, but that's how it works it practice) and she looks grey and unwell.

sweetandtenderhooligan · 25/10/2011 00:59

There was always sweets and biscuits in our house when I was growing up. I ate it whenever I wanted. I'm now an overweight sugar addict with 14 fillings. Not sure I'd buy into this theory you speak of OP [hhmm]

Seona1973 · 25/10/2011 14:12

we have sweets and crisps in the house and the kids can have some if they ask. Tbh they dont ask that much and if they do they have a lolly or a small pack of sweets and that is them i.e. they dont gorge themselves with one pack of sweets after another. They cant have more than 1 bag of crisps in a day. We had to throw away a few easter eggs as they didnt get eaten before they went out of date!

TheApprentice · 25/10/2011 14:21

I think this is one of those situations where different children will have different reactions. My dh wasnt allowed sweets at all as a child and, far from craving them, he's not bothered by them at all and rarely touches sweets/chocolate. But maybe he would have been like that anyway - he could just be a savoury type person iyswim. I have worked in schools where some children pretty much were allowed unlimited access to sweets and it certainly iddnt make them self regulate!!

Our children are allowed sweets when they are given them , in party bags for example, as I wouldn't want them to feel left out, but we don't buy sweets or chocolate for them ourselves. (exception - we buy choc buttons for ds2 as a bribe in potty training!)

Thomcat · 25/10/2011 14:43

The idea that if you give your kids as many sweets as they like they don't grow up craving them is utter bollocks by the way. I was bought up in a house where we had a HUGE sweet bowl and it came out every night. I have the biggest sweet tooth to this day.

I treat sweets as a treat, as I do ice-cream and chocolate. They have them at parties, when they are given them by relatives etc. we don't have them in the house. I buy youghurt covered raisins and those fruit star things as treats.

There isn't a ban as such but if they want a treat I make popcorn or we have fruit and custard or we make a cake together, or we make jelly.

Halloween is coming up and I have bought them a chocolate lolly each.
We were out in a restaurant on Sunday with family they had ice-cream.

I don't make a big deal of having or not having sweets. They just don't have them as a rule and therefore don't ask.

annaje · 25/10/2011 16:12

I am similar to Seona - we have them in the house but it tends to be small treat sized bags of Haribo, milky way, lollies etc. I rarely buy big bars of chocolate (mainly because I'd eat them). But I do think you either have a sweet tooth or not - because we never had loads of sweets growing up - but I can't walk past a bakers window - I do love a big cake

LydiaWickham · 25/10/2011 16:21

This is interesting as DS is young enough for this not to be an issue yet.

From my own upbringing, there was a chocolate box, full of chocolate bars or biscuits and we could just help ourselves (although we were in trouble if we didn't eat all our dinners, and so quickly learned to self regulate just before meal times).

I noticed when I got to uni, my friends would eat entire packets of biscuits in one setting, would think it was odd that I'd buy a multi pack of Mars bars and only eat 1 a day, rather than scoff the lot straight away, but then they'd all come from houses where chocolate/biscuits/sweets were strictly rationed, or only allowed on particuar days (at which point you ate as much as you were given, rather than thinking how much did you want).

However, my parents didn't allow white bread or real butter as both were 'bad for me'. I could work my way through full loaves of bread being toasted and having lashings of butter melting on it. So I guess it's whatever you make 'forbidden fruit' will be what they crave/unable to self regulate.

mustdash · 25/10/2011 16:25

Our DCs do seem to regulate themselves. They realise it is a treat, but never ever go mad with them. We have a tin, which they can all reach, and honestly there is stuff in there still from Easter.

mistlethrush · 25/10/2011 16:30

Ds is 6.5 and sometimes asks for sweets - if its an appropriate time for him to have something he can - but he asks perhaps once or twice a week and not the rest of the time. That means we've still got small chocolate eggs in the fridge from Easter (I think I must really get rid of those). He knows he doesn't eat a huge lot all in one go because all the sugar's bad for him - and he also knows that he's not allowed them before meals or before bed. Interestingly, if we're out for a coffee at the local park he will often choose to get a ham sandwich rather than something sweet.

I didn't have a similar situation - sweets were more of a forbidden treat - I'm trying to help DS to not get into that mindset.

baabaapinksheep · 25/10/2011 16:33

I think it is more important to teach children that sweets are a treat, and not an everyday food. No adult eats unlimited amounts of sweets or junk and is healthy, so why would you want your children to do that?

Obviously if they are forbidden then they may be more likely to gorge when they have them, but of the know they are an occasional treat then they will continue into adulthood with this attitude.

Everything in moderation is fine, but letting a child have unlimited access to sweets is ridiculous, not all children know when to stop!

baabaapinksheep · 25/10/2011 16:34

if they know

TheSecondComing · 25/10/2011 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 25/10/2011 19:41

I was only ever allowed sweets on a Sunday, after lunch, and only one or two from my jar. As a result I stuffed myself with sweets and still do at times whenever I had the chance.

With my older children sweets were there, sweets weren't there - all depended on my budget at the time. They were never a forbidden treat and they have never gorged themselves and tbh they now rarely have them. I'm pretty much doing the same with DD3 who is 2.8 and, like her older siblings (they're 15, 17 and almost 18 now), she doesn't give a stuff whether she gets them or not. Never asks for them and would just as happily munch something healthy as a pile of crap. That's not to say she would turn down a bar of chocolate or packet of crisps either though.

It did always make me when the children who came to my older DC's parties crammed as much crap into their faces as possible, almost always turned out to be the ones fed home knitted suppers.

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