P**d off about dd's pre-school party food today

[TherewasnoMOOMattheINn]

Dd goes to pre-school 5 mornings a week and to childminder two afternoons, monday and tuesday. It was her xmas party at school today so the childminder took her there this afternoon and picked her up. she told me that the head of the pre-school had made a big thing when she picked dd up of saying, in front of the other parents :'sorry we're a bit late back but the whole class was held back by mini-moomin who wouldn't come away from the food'.

everyone including childminder thought this was highly amusing, all commenting what a greedy guts she was. Thing is she eats very well, always has done and eats PROPER food. we have crisps maybe once a month, ditto chips, and only ever has sweets if someone gives her the occasional one. we were asked to take fruit, celery and carrots to contribute to the food at the party; other parents also bought crisps and biscuits. looks like dd ate some fruit and veg but then pigged out on crisps too.

1. i'm a bit p*ssed off that dd is seen fit to laugh at because she likes her food (btw she's very tall and slim, much better built than a lot of the kids and i think they expect a lot of her behaviour-wise because of her height etc)

2. am i making a rod for my own back having healthy food at home if dd is going to gorge on crisps when she gets the chance? she's just not very self conscious at the moment and i'd hate for her to be made to feel uncomfortable because of what/how she eats

any thoughts/comments?

How old?

This is one where age matters IMHO - any older than 5 or so, and I would expect a child to have learned some semblence of self-contol - although bugger me if I seem to have lost my own around yummy food

The thing is that other children will put labels on children who eat more than their fare share. And it is not pleasant for a child to be the subject of those kind of looks and comments.

But really, I would have expected more from adults - particularly in a child care setting!

Think the head was out of order for encouraging others to laugh at your DD, that is not acceptable, I would talk to her about that.

But yes it will be very difficult to eliminate any contact with the non healthy option now your DD is mixing with others, and like my nephew's who have been raised the same way as your DD, when they can they go a little crazy on the sweet option.

So I'm going to try with my DS to do a bit of a controlled mix, he is only 6 months so not sure if it will work, but don't think either or is the 100% right answer.

At the risk of being shot down in flames I wouldn't worry about it. I know it's hard but just try and forget it - I'm sure your dd has

I have seen a number of children I know who are not allowed 'unhealthy' food go completely nuts when they are at a party. They grab handfuls of crisps, chocolates and sweets and shovel them in, as though they are afraid they are going to be snatched away at any minute

she's 4
no, i wouldnt shoot anyone down in flames! i guess i'm being a bit over-sensitive. i think its cos i remember adults taking the mickey out of me a bit when i was a kid because i was good humoured and loud and tall for my age, but it hurt really. i dont want dd to suffer the same, esp when she's so full of joy-de-vivre (sp?!) and innocent i spose.

so what do i do suew? give in to all the pressure and go completely against my principles or just accept this will happen from time to time and just make sure that when shes a bit older she learns some self-restraint? unhealthy food isn't banned in our house, it's just not staple fare.

I can understand you being worried though - I get over sensitive about my ds because he is tall for his gae and doesn't walk yet and people are forever asking if he's walking yet... gggrrrr. I think the best thing to do is let it go this time and be pleased that your dd hasn't noticed anything but keep an eye out for something similar happening and then say something

I have a friend who doesn't allow her child to eat any sweets, crisps etc at all. I am afraid the same thing happens whenever there is a party. Her daughter pretty much spends the entire party at the food table stuffing her face with chocolate etc. I personally would prefer my children to have a little of these things (usually at the weekends) than none at all and then stuff their faces at parties.
I think it was out of order to say that about your dd but I know that many parents commented on my friends daughter. Unfortunately my friends daughter isn't tall and thin. (she is actually quite large).

I have a mate who used to be embarrassed by the amount of food her dd ate. At age 2 she wondered if she should restrict her intake!

The comments were probably made from an envious pov, some of us would love to have a child who ate anything and everything!

Sounds like you're doing fine to me; a good mixture of healthy food versus occasional junk

The children I know are not allowed any junk food in the home so it sounds as your situation is different and I don't know what to suggest

I used to be quite purist about what DD had; then I went through the 'whatever she wants and it'll lose its attraction' stage. Then she developed her condition so we went through 'anything as long as she can get it into her stomach'. At that stage someone at a party (a grandparent of one of her friends) referred to her as 'greedy and fat' and 'eating too many sweets' (ice-cream could be swallowed, sarnies couldn't and she's 75% height, 25% weight FFS!) and I blew my top. So if I'd been you and I'd been there to collect, I would have given this woman an earful.

Unfortuately from where you are now, I suspect all you can do is let it go, like I'm having to about a school situation which happened on Friday (last day of term).

Hmm, I'm kind of with compo - I think I'd feel a bit 'upset' (not sure if that's the right word) that she'd been laughed at but at the same time I'm sure it wasn't vindictive. Hmm, on the other hand - I'm not sure it's a good idea to make such an issue of how much, or even how little, a child eats right in front of them.

Moomin - I don't think you should change your general approach to food at all but rather start to build in little social stories about special occasions and eating only your fair share.

It is the fair share thing that seems to get other children going - so it is worth tring to get her to understand the 'rules'!

In our house I have tackled this by letting visitors always have first choice of what is put out to eat. Then they would take waht they want but limit it to one or two things. At other people's houses I encourage them not to take too much and only ever take the last thing on a plate if they have checked that no-one else wants it! If someone else does want it, I would ask them to share it.

Moomin, I think what you are doing is fine. In Joanna Blythman's 'The Food We Eat' she talks about this problem and says that the 'healthy food only at home' route is the best way, and will in the long run encourage children to balance their intake of junk. She recommends turning a blind eye to what happens out of the home, but encourage healthy food choices where relevant. I also feel that no matter how much food your daughter managed to put away this afternoon [respect to the mini moomin ] it will be less than a child who is allowed these treats every day gets through in a month or so.

I reckon a few pig outs like this and children might start to learn that junk food really makes you feel like crap.

I would also tell your daughter that some people like to laugh about how much people eat, but that it is a bit silly and rude to do this, like laughing at what someone looks like.

moomin, hopefully the comments were made more in a 'hasn't she got a good appetite' way - having 2 kids both with huge appetites (though very slight builds), I often used to get comments like these but then used to say to the kids that it was good that they ate so well because it made them grow.

I also think no matter what you do at home, most children of that age will make a bee line for the crisps/chocolate and if the pre-school wanted to limit how much of that type of food they had, they could have done (which is probably what any parent would have done at home).