What are your two year old's table manners like?

[mumtoone]

What are your toddler's table manners like and how do you deal with bad behaviour at the table? My toddler's behaviour drives me up the wall at times. If he's not banging his cutlery, he is throwing it. He is so messy and frequently stands up whilst eating. His behaviour isn't bad the rest of the time.

If he isn't actively eating, take his plate away. I have to do this with ds.

DD is generally OK. She drops her fork a lot and then yells for us to pick it up (which is annoying!) but only throws things at the end of the meal if she's getting bored. We just keep everything out of the way.

At dinner she sits in a seat that attaches to the table, her legs dangle so it's very hard for her to get up. She sits in a normal seat at lunch though, and often gets up and down. I have to say I usually ignore if she's still eating.

I think being messy at two is pretty normal! DS2 is 5 and still gets into a mess sometimes (and always manages to get half his dinner on the floor!

I think 'table manners' and 'two-year-old' are phrases from different languages, aren't they?
mumtoone, sympathies, but just try to eat with him and set a good example, and make mealtimes enjoyable. He will settle down eventually, and at about 3 will be old enough to understand more about good manners, and trying to do / not do certain things.

Or he may not

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my 18 month old DD is terrible for throwing food, i know shes still only a baby, but i think we need to show her its naughty, but am at end of my tether about how to stop her. what can you do? we encourage and try and show her how yummy, we eat together, we say no, and she still does it, she thinks it hilarious! i expect i will be posting on this subject for a long time yet!!

I think that's normal for an 18 month-old -they are still enjoying the fact that they can make something happen (and get a reaction from you). Hard one to ignore but probably the best thing for it; ignore but if it gets impossible end the meal calmly but firmly.

Ds is two and has no table manners - uses his hands a lot (although does use fork and spoon too - and knife although doesn't actually achieve anything with it). I'm just relieved when he eats! Am assuming table manners will be an issue for later, not prepared to have major battles about them now. Am trying to encourage him to keep his mouth shut when eating, though.

I agree with edam - whatever gets food down that gob. The only table manners we enforce is not allow dd to stand/walk on the dinner table. Anything else is fair game. Tell me I am making a rod for my back ...

As long as they eat all the food groups - who cares?

def. too young to worry about it. but as for setting a good example - my dh bites down on his fork, or spoon with every single mouthful. it drives me up the wall & goes right through me. Now ds1 is copying. He got arsey with me & reckons it's my neurosis. Am I neurotic?? I mean does everyone do this apart from me? I can't bear it? How do you tackle grown ups' table manners??

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Can I be smug here? My 2 year old is impeccable at the table - much much better than her 4 year old brother. She sits still, says 'Please' and 'Thank You' beautifully, always uses her cutlery, keeps a cloth beside her so if she makes a mess she can clear it up (her idea not mine!), and when she's finished she asks if she can get down and clears her own plate into the sink.

She does LOVE playing cooking/meals though.

Sorry for the boast - couldn't resist though! Don't all hate me.... Her 4 year old brother is still using fingers on occasion, getting down from the table, forgetting please/thank you, dropping cutlery so it's nothing I've done, just her nature!

ds has good days and not so good days. I have to say I'm quite lazy about enforcing table manners. He will sit for a while, then get bored and want to sit on my lap, then sit on the empty chairs in succession, eating a few mouthfuls at each place. Sometimes with his spoon/fork sometimes with fingers.
I did wonder if I was making a rod for my back when I was coaxing him to eat his spaghetti by holding a little bundle of it in my fingers and enticing him with 'would you like some wee wormies??' and hand feeding him.

mumtoone if it drives you up the wall then the problem is yours, sorry
set a good example
try and dea; with one thing at a time i.e. sitting down this week, then once yuou have that under control then not bangin cutlery etc
but I would say don't make an issue if he's actually eating
chill out a bit he's only two...

I clicked on this thread because my initial reaction to seeing the title was "My God, what 2 year old has table manners? Isn't it enough that they eat their meal?" My 2 year old isn't particularly bad at the table, but he is not a great eater either so throwing cutlery and getting up and down from the table are pretty much par for the course. It helps that I have three other children who are old enough to know better so they keep him on track a bit (just by example) but I don't worry too much about my 2 yo's behaviour at the table. If he likes what is in front of him, he eats it pretty quickly and then iinvariably gets down and disappears straightaway (unlike my older ones who have been taught to sit for a while). If he doesn't like it, he doesn't even come to the table sometimes! I am afraid I have become completely laid back about it. I spent years nagiing and forcing my other children to eat food and I made the conscious decision with No4 that I would not do anything like that. I am interested to see if it makes him a better eater in the long run! It certainly makes for a more relaxed meal for me.

lol at table manners for 2yr old. MY ds will sit at table when food is coming and will use mix of cutelry and hands. However meals where he stays sititng at the table are few and far between. He also plays his own version of musical chairs sometimes. I am lucky in that he doesnt throw his food etc he just says no. I think the more wound up you gt about it the more your toddler will play up. I will admit when ds was younger I used to strap him into chair etc to eat but I now know it just isnt worth the battle. Plus this could then lead to them becoming even worse with food.

Interesting. My dd uses mostly fingers, but sometimes a fork or spoon. She is strapped in a booster seat. She drives me up the wall asking to get down before I've even taken a mouthful, so for a while I made her sit & wait till I'd finished (this also resulted in her eating a bit more, from boredom I guess!) but she became so unbearable nagging at me to get down that I've resorted back to letting her get down when she first asks (after all, unfair of me to ask her to sit still there for 20 mins...). If she has hardly eaten anything, I ask her to eat 3/5 or however many mouthfuls first, it AMAZED me when it worked! (In the past she has been a very fussy eater). I don't allow banging, throwing etc at the table and dd for some reason obeys immediately I tell her to stop, unlike on other occasions! Perhaps because from the get-go I would take the meal away immediately she began playing around (not when young baby though of course). I am hoping me persuading her to eat a certain amount of mouhtfuls won't have the same effect as getting a kid to finish their entire meal does... I have always been VERY paranoid about making food a battleground. Doing what I am doing felt like a huge step for me as it is.

Read this with interest... I'm obviously a mean old boot - I've always insisted on 'good manners' at the table. dd could use fingers but not hit, throw, bang, wander off, etc. And now that she is 4 she is a delight to go out with because she just knows all this.
I don't want to have to dodge flying food or put up with neurosis-enducing banging... and I don't see why anyone else should have to, really, whether they are at my house or at the local caff.
I'm expecting no2 any day now. Wonder if they will respond so well or if I'm just lucky with the first one

Ernest - my husband picked up a roast potato with his fingers one Sunday and was promptly put on the naughty step by my 3.5yr old son. I'm now hoping that eventually my children will teach my husband not to leave his socks on the bathroom floor, lick his plate, and tidy up his "toys".

As for table manners generally, am I the only parent that thinks a 3.5yr old shouldn't eat with his fingers? They insist on cutlery at nursery, so why shouldn't I at home ? My biggest problem is when friends come round for tea and my son whines " but *** is using his fingers".

I have been really lucky with dd (5)as she has always eaten really nicely at the table. I took her out to eat in restaurants/cafes from very early (not fancy ones, though!!) and she has eaten at lots of friends' houses and has always behaved well. She does ask to get down, says thank you and is really great to take out. On the other hand, DS lasts 40mins max at the restaurant and is much messier (throwing food when had enough, tries to put feet on table) and kitchen floor is permanently filthy, so, who knows!! However, as long as the meal time is short, he will be fine and his 'table manners' - (he is 16months after all) are ALWAYS better if we all eat together.

So, I would suggest eating at the table with the kids whenever possible, the occasional (quick!!!) kid friendly restaurant visit to get them used to being out (but order as soon as you get in and bring crayons) and being very clear on what is or is not acceptable (e.g. no getting up during meal etc.). BUT I would not stress to much about it - all the people I know who were terrible at the table as kids have good table manners as adults, so it all seems to work out in the end!!!!

I may be sad but this is so important to me. If I have to spend 4 meals in a row back and forward to the naughty step I would rather have cold food and indigestion than allow dd (23 months) to tip her plate on he floor, stand on the table, tip her cup up deliberatly (sp?) Generally both of mine eat well. I'm sure the Queen would frown but I'm pretty happy if they eat, sit on their bottoms, don't shout or bang cutlery and wait for each other to finish before asking nicely to get down. I also insist on thank you's when their meal is delivered.I just spent time preparing it fgs.

I think that you have to start showing what a bad table manner is as soon as you introduce a solid foods. A very first time your child puts hands in the bowl or throws the food it is important to show him that that means no no no. And be very pleased when he does not do it. I got this tip from a friend before I started solids and it worked very well. She is 2 and half and eating like adult.

Depends what you mean - the table manners I would tolerate in a 2 year old aren't the same as the ones I'd expect of a five year old or an adult. My DS2 is 20 months and eats fairly well, but does make a bit of a mess. If he starts throwing his food around I take the plate away. But I don't mind him using his fingers to pick up his sausages if he can't quite get them on his spoon. He quite often deliberately drops his cutlery on the floor, but doesn't throw it around. And when he's finished he puts his spoon and fork on his plate, picks it up and hands it to me, which I think is cute! As for my 5 yr old DS1, we are more strict. He eats sparingly and is a bit of a pain sometimes, we often wait ages for him to finish a meal. But he asks before he leaves the table and generally behaves well. I am sometimes amazed when he has friends round and they just jump down from the table and start running round after only 2 bites of their fishfinger.

Haven't read all posts, but I'd say this is a bit of an issue for us. Ds2 can be pretty appalling (by my standards) at the table - I don't remember ds1 being like this at all!
Basically my 'rules' are - eating with fingers/hands is tolerated, but I try to encourage use of implements (he is certainly skilled enough to use them). Likewise standing up and fidgeting. Certain behaviour though is unacceptable in my book - throwing cutlery, emptying out plate onto table, prolonged screaming fits. For these I generally remove his plate and tell him he can have it back if he behaves nicely (I don't use those words, I say exactly what I want him to do). It does seem to work (i.e. usually stops the behaviour at that mealtime, and I think in general it does improve things over time). We have also just started insisting that he must wear a bib or napkin (having been fairly relaxed when he pulled it out previously) and I have to say it does seem to be working without any huge meltdowns.