What age did you start to get tough with your toddler?

[cairnterrier]

DS is now 18 months and feeding him is becoming a trial. He refuses all vegetables other than tomato sauce for pasta - and even refused that the other day. He will eat fruit if it's mixed with yoghurt and will eat apples and nectarines whole rather than cut up and of course bananas. Meat is very hit and miss and he's allergic to eggs and fish. Breakfast is cereal with whole milk and he only has water or milk (both cow and still a few BFs per day).

We always sit down for dinner altogether and all eat the same thing so he's not cooked anything special but I do try to make things that he's liked in the past. This changes on a daily basis though. He doesn't like chocolate and only has healthier snacks like bread sticks, muesli bars, flapjacks etc.

I realise that at some stage I'm going to take the line of this is what's for dinner and if you don't like it then tough. At 18 months though, I don't think that he's got enough concept of time such that if i don't eat this now, I'll be hungry later. So at what stage did you start to get tough? I've tried cutting out snacks all together but he will still only take a couple of bites of dinner. Having said that he's happy healthy and full of energy so maybe I'm expecting him to eat more than he actually needs?

me chuckling!

i have a 3yr old and 23month old and they go through phases every few weeks/months where they eat hardly anything or eat like a horse. it doesn't last long. it's growth spurts and discovering their independence so i leave them to it to a certain extent. if they refuse pretty much everything i'll offer something they're pretty sure to eat - yoghurt, breadstick, raisins, drink of milk then offer again just before bedtime to check they're not hungry and mostly they really aren't hungry.

i did blw with my 23month old so try to stick to the 'rules' of offering a suitable and healthy option then letting them pick and eat what they need at each meal. they get a decent balance i'm happy with over the day or couple of days.

i also make it clear that if they don't eat up (quick) then i'll eat the leftovers and that often gets my 23month old eating! the tougher i get the more they rebel so i just offer something i'm happy to eat if they don't want to

I think our DS's are a similar age, OP. I offer DS what we're having. If he doesn't seem to want to eat anything, I offer a simple alternative eg cracker and cream cheese (although it's usually a quick carbohydrate option). Even though that's always been one of his favourite foods, he's never refused dinner and asked for crackers etc instead.

He had about 3 months of refusing all vegetables. I kept offering what we were eating (as well as hiding them in stuff) and he started eating them again - he's currently very into cabbage. I'm sure it's a phase and he'll go off them again soon.

The book My Child Won't Eat is supposed to be very good.

The amount of calories needed by a 1, 2 and 3 year old is apparently the same as growth slows so much, so often toddlers need to eat a lot less than we expect.

Bacon a 2 yr old doesn't have the same brain as an adult (I studied child development and psychology at uni) if you think about it they were babies only a year or so ago.Also their behaviour isn't going to be the same at nursery and at home where they can relax and be themselves (hopefully). Their fussiness and playing with food is not personal (not deliberately winding you up!!!) they don't have any emotional investment in food.

They should be allowed to have their own likes and dislikes as we do, it's called a personality!! They aren't dolls!!!

well i guess we will all have to accept we have different views on this. If my children were allowed their own likes and dislikes on food they would eat nothing but pitza, chips and chocolate. they were certainly eat no veg.

cooking for a fussy eater is a real pain - you either all have to eat a limited food range or cook them a separate meal.

dreaming why bother to cook for your fussy eater? just give them what they want to eat but cold (they may well decide to join you when they are given the option).Also there is veg on pizza! you could always buy a base and make yr own healthy version, get the DCs to help!! (to look like the normal ones!) When i was a CM and nanny the DCs and I made pizzas from scratch and they loved them!

BTW Gorillas DO live on fruit alone with a bit of protein and they are a lot bigger than us!

Also Paul Mckenna the diet guru talks about an experiment where children choose healthy food when they are really given a choice.

ppeatfruit - i have no problems with my children they will eat a wide range of food because thats how i've brought them up (probably about 4 things each they don't like which i respect).

i have more difficulty with my IL's because they've been brought up with very limited food ranges - so they won't eat pizza, pasta, garlic, anything spicy, anything with sauces. My niece won't eat fish, red meat, only chicken breast, no eggs, limited veg - again because she's been allowed to choose as a young child.

I can cater for them on a S/T basis - but i think part of being an adult is to encourage children to try new things, and that includes food.

Do you think it's because yr niece was allowed to choose as a child or just because she has that type of personality? I agree it's good to offer new foods and tastes and let them get to know them. A load of 'older' Brits are just like your in laws "They like what they know" IMO they're just unadventurous people.

it's okay if they bring their own food and not expect you to cook to their tastes . I just remembered my ILs who used to say they hated garlic but always really loved the meat we cooked with loads of garlic!!

i think its because niece was always able to choose. My IL's like plain food because thats what they were brought up with and thats what my MIL cooked for my husband and BIL. thankfully husband went to uni and had to eat what he was given.

FIL same about garlic - though MIL and I put it in everything.

Eating plain food for a short time is OK, but i would hate to cook for people with such limited tastes for any length of time

My Ds (13 in a couple of weeks) has always eaten a wide variety of foods with different flavours without any problem at all. There's barely a foodstuff he dislikes.

My Dd (4.6) on the other hand, started off eating everything that was given to her, but over the last 2.6 years ~ maybe slightly longer, has been more of a nightmare. If a Sunday roast dinner is put in front of her consisting of roast pork and apple sauce, roast potato, carrots, cauliflower and gravy, she will more than likely eat all except the potato unless she's in the mood for them...she's not a potato lover unless they are chips! Sometimes she may only eat the veg, gravy and apple sauce and although she's encouraged to try the other things, there is no way I force the issue as I was forced as a child. With my brother and I, it was a case of 'you will sit there until you finish every scrap'. I have just this year discovered that I actually don't need as much food as I was 'trained' to eat by my Mum who was born and brought up in a very poor family during WW2 and therefore food was scarce and yes of course you ate everything as it might be the only meal you got.

I have relaxed my attitude to food and am led by my children ~ more so my Dd as she is the 'fussy eater'. I have tried hiding certain things in foods she likes, but she always knows, which tells me that she really doesn't like peppers, onions and tomatoes to name a few...Last week she had homemade salmon fish cakes even though I knew she didn't like salmon fillet. She started eating it and then said 'I don't like this pink stuff' she didn't know what it was, she just knew she didn't like what was in her mouth.

I really don't think that you need to worry OP. You said yourself that your Dc is happy and healthy. I believe that he must be eating what he needs or he'd not be happy and healthy and you, as his Mum would know. The more you fret over it all, the more he'll pick up on it and IMO, then it will really be a problem.