Mealtime whinging

[NotQuiteCockney]

DS1 is 4. Tea is an all-singing, all-dancing festival of whinging. "I don't like this", when he hasn't tried it, etc etc. He gets dessert (fruit or yogurt) but only if he's eaten well. If he really hates tea, he can have toast as a supplement.

Today we lost it with the whole whinging and shouting thing, and said "if you moan or shout again, you will be done with food, no more tea, no dessert." He had a small whinge, was warned again, and then a big shout about something, so he was taken away. (He tried to hit me, too, but not hard.)

He had no more tea, no dessert, no fruit. I think we're planning to stick with this and see if it makes mealtimes more pleasant. We're continuing to be ok with him not liking things, as long as he's not horrible about it.

What are your mealtime rules? How are they enforced? Do they work?

ds2 is a whinger given the chance. very picky, and can go literally days without food if he wants to. i now put his tea down infront of him and if he eats it thats up to him. if he doesnt want it he sits at the table until everyone else has finished and gets nothing else. whinging just lands him in his room or on the naughty step. weekends are easier than weekdays cos i give them a proper meal at lunch time and tell him if he doesnt eat it he will get it for tea so he usually gives in. after a packed lunch at school he is not always so hungry so may skip tea. but thats his choice, and if he is hungry later, its his fault. they do actually learn pretty quick if you keep to your word and he eats ok usually

DD will vary how much she eats. i don't make a fuss, we just sit together at the table, she does or doesn't eat hers and then all plates get cleared away, and everyone has desert regardless, often fruit or yogurt, with occasional crumble or something more extravagant!

If dd winges for whatever reason (doesn't like the food, doesn't want that particular fork ...) i lift her off her chair and ask her to sit in the other room so that we can enjoy our meal without hearing her winge. She normally wanders into the other room, and then comes back and asks if she can sit at the table, so she does without any more winging!

I think I will stick to the kicking-him-out plan. I don't mind him disliking things, I am ok with him refusing to eat parts of a meal (as long as he doesn't whinge about it!). I am just really really sick of him moaning his way through every meal, unless it's one of his absolute favourite dishes (burgers, sausage pasta, pasta+pesto ... I think that's it).

DS1 and 2 do a superb double act at teatime and they're 6 and 4 - drives me mad!. Anyway, today I "punished" DS1 by removing a piece of reward pasta for making a huge fuss when there was nothing he didn't like on his plate. I then offered him the chance to earn it back by eating the rest with no fuss and he did.

Dh said I was too soft and shouldn't have given it back but then there would have been no incentive to eat his tea which is what I actually wanted.

And I agree NQC, I have no problem with them not liking something but I expect them to give new things a good try and not to make a huge fuss about it. Not that they ever do give really new things a good try...

Although DD ( 5) eats a good selection of food she is UNBELIEVABLY slow every mealtime and constantlt gets distracted. It drives us to distraction and we find ourselves constantly nagging her to "keep eating" etc.
Anyway I know this is a bit different to your problem, but something we do that might help you is we tell her "right you have x mins to eat this" (and show her on the clock).We also point out that we will not be nagging/reminding her or making a fuss -its up to her. She knows that if she eats it in that time she gets pud and if she doesn't then no pud.
It avoids that feeling of getting more and more wound up until you "lose it".

The only things dd eats with gusto are fruit and sweets. It is a complete mission to get her to eat at mealtimes, and I'm tired of it. Must confess that many times I have resorted to literally spoon feeding her - and she's 4! Ludicrous, I know - wonder if it's an attention seeking ploy on her part?

I should have the courage/strength that many of you do - offer the food, take it away if she doesn't eat it in a reasonable amount of time (30 minutes max?), and don't supply anything else if she complains of being hungry later. Problem is - she doesn't eat that much to begin with, so I hesitate to deny her food if she's hungry...but, maybe she needs to learn the hard way.

Maybe she just doesn't like my cooking?

hornbag, does that not reinforce to children that desert is something to be desired, and main course just has to be eaten?

For this reason i don't use desert as a bribe or take it away as punishment. I teach the attitude to dd that both meals are equally enjoyable iykwim.
I am convinced this helps prevents her just wanting pudding (often she doesn't want any after her main - but then that could be because i don't offer exciting enough puddings )

DD1 a good eater, but if she starts playin with food and not eating it we remove her plate. She then gets nothing to eat until her next meal.

Hattie, I waver about the whole "dessert as treat" thing. DH often says "you've been naughty, so you don't get dessert", which I must talk to him about. I say "you're not hungry enough for mains, you're not hungry enough for dessert", which is at least a bit more fair. I can see a point to the argument that using dessert as a reward makes the mains look like punishment.

But I think a sweet tooth is (for most of us) built in. Babies seem to love sweet stuff, from the beginning (breast milk is pretty sweet). And DS1 certainly seems to have inherited DH's and my sweet tooth.

A little girl we have over often (a friends DD3) lives in a house where sweets are readily available. I'd be very surprised if her mother ever bothers battling about food with her kids. And she eats my main courses really well. And is very happy with fruit and yogurt for dessert. So a more relaxed attitude about all these thngs certainly can work.

Hattie, we tend to say what NQC said ie "if you're not hungry enough to eat your main course then you're not hungry enough for desert". With our daughter its the speed (or lack of!!) at which she eats rather than fussy eating.

I knew it was dessert not desert

NQC that is the case in my house. There is always some form of sweet/chocolate in our cupboard, and dd can get them herself although she is supposed to ask before eating (and normally does).

I am i s'pose laid back (although i'd probably describe it as lazy - can't be bothered with a fight about it).
But it is true, because there is no issue, dd will enjoy all types of food. Yes she will go through a phase of wanting lots of sweets - and i'm not very good at stopping her - but then she'll go for a couple of weeks not asking for sweets at all.
Same with drinks - she really only drinks milk or water. There is normally some fresh juice in the fridge, but shes happy to have milk or water because thats what shes used to.