"This is what's for dinner - take it or leave it - Is 2 and 3 too young for this?!

[pipkin35]

Have unwillingly made a rod for my own back, as the saying goes.

DS 3, refuses 'wet' food and gets very upset. Am sick of making everyone different meals, previously UNfussy 2 yr old, now copying him.

I don't think I should keep serving the same old food, am willing to try new approach just need to know how to get started.

i think 2 is a little young in that they won't really undetrstand what you are saying. they don't "get" consequences and that if they don't eat it they'll be jhungry

that isn't to say it's a bad idea. just make sure that if you're giving them something new, or that you think they will fuss over, you also give something you know they will eat.

maybe half and half?

that way they do eat some dinner, but you just gradually introduce, and keep offering, new things

Having been the former owner of a fussy toddler my approach was to serve tried and tested favourites most days of the week but to offer new dishes to try at the weekends. Even aged 3, the message was understood that he had to try the new dish, that there wasn't anything else for supper and stickers were awarded accordingly as an extra incentive. Gradually, we added more dishes to the old favourites and expanded the repertoire slowly.

Within reason. My DD can often be faddy with stuff I know she likes so then it's definately have this or nothing till breakfast. I don't believe in bringing out more food if they don't eat as it really does breed faddiness. I tend to give her something she likes and then introduce something she isn't keen on and ask her to at least try it or eat a certain amount of forks of it before she's allowed pudding.

I certainly wouldn't get into making different stuff for each child - that's just madness! Sometimes the children have different stuff to us as there is some stuff they just wouldn't eat and I'm not going to force the issue but stuff like shephards pie, chicken and veg - all that kind of stuff she does like. Admittedly she may prefer fish fingers every night but tough!!

Fay Ripley's cookbook is great for giving recipe ideas for all the family.

Your D.C.s are not" copying" each other they are just showing their personalities and independence you wouldn't like to be 'made' to eat food you don't like would you?

Involving them with the shopping and cooking is good IMO and E you can tell them stories and play with them (get their fave toys to eat such and such)

OP that sounds fine

serving delicouse home cooked food that they can eat or be hungry is fine.

when hungry they will eat, and you cant be fussed with pandering to their daily wants.

of course you may find that your child consistently doesnt seem to like / eat a certain item of food or 2, which shoule be fine, we dont all like everything and i wouldnt expect to make them eat everything, if obviouse they didnt like it.

All the children i have nannied for, will, after a few months of me looking after them eat most things... some have obviously not liked raw tomatoes / eggs / kale / jelly / rice pudding / raw pepper / tuna. Would never force them to eat (or even serve as a main) those foods to them, but if having salad id sometime put in a tomatoe / pepper to try IF THEY WANT, and if they didnt want it, no issues , left on side of plate. (and my tomatoe hater after 2 years one day decided to try a cherry tomatoe and liked it so worth trying periodically... so no fuss / stress if regected though... lifes too short!

It is also a stage and will pass O.P. esp. if you don't make it into an issue (I'm also a nanny and C.M. and mum) There are also REAL allergies to think about.

I have the "this is not a restaurant" scribbled on my face since DS was a baby. If I know it is healthy, not foul tasting and safe for DS to eat. That's it, I don't cook a la carte.

So what do you do if yr DS wants to eat meat if you're veggie or can't eat meat if you're a meat eater?

Yes it's fine to do that. Did your mum always pander to you? Prob not.

But you survived. My mum used to do cod roes and I hated it but money was tight and it never occurred to me to make a fuss because I knew nothing else was forthcoming.

If it's healthy food why not? I know mothers who cook 4 seperate dinners because they try to please everyone. You do what you think best it's not like your abusing them.

If you talk to one of the health visitors they will no doubt support you the ones I work with are pragmatic about food cos they've all been there done that and come out the other side.

IMO forcing D.Cs to eat is a form of abuse; a lot of us have food issues due a big fuss made over meals. I know a frenchman who STILL refuses to eat at the table 'cos he was forced as a D.C.

Dont think OP is planning on forcing her children to eat...

she is providing nice food and letting them choose if they want to eat, or be hungry until the next meal.

Agree you shouldnt make children eat, however you can not allow them to have other food if they dont eat what you have given them

If my step son refuses he just dosent get any treats ie desert or movie!!

My step son is fussy as he will eat certain things if they are put in a different state ie potato he claims he hates them but loves crisps and as roast potato but refuses to eat boiled and mashed!! also onions he claims to hate them but will eat homemade coleslaw!! I now refuse to make different things as he asks for something then suddenly he wont eat so now its either eat it or go hungry (he soon eats up)

Provided nobody is going hungry, I don't think 2-3 is too young. I make sure there's always enough in the meal that DD will eat to provide a reasonably balanced diet (eg plain pasta, yoghut, fruit), and then do the take-it-or-leave-it attitude with the rest of what I've cooked. It's an approach which works well with my DH, too

The OP isn't forcing her children to eat, though. She's providing them with food, which they can eat or not, as they choose.

This is what I did and still do with mine, and it works well. We all eat together most of the time, and everybody has the same. All the food I cook is perfectly edible, if they choose not to eat it that's fine. No-one is going to waste away before the next mealtime. The only provisos I would add are:

1. Try and make sure each meal has more than one component, and put them on the plate separately, eg. pasta on one side, sauce on the other, or stew on one side, rice/potatoes on the other, and a side order of veg. That way if they don't like one thing they can still eat the rest of it.

1. You have to genuinely not care whether they eat it or not. If you are hovering anxiously, or getting stressed that they will have tantrums from hunger later, then it's not going to work. Don't bribe, cajole, persuade, encourage or reward. "Here you are, here's your supper" as you serve it. "Oh what a shame, you weren't feeling hungry today, never mind, maybe next time" as you clear it away and tip it in the recycling. That's about as much comment as it needs.

1. Either serve pudding or don't serve pudding, as you normally would. Don't use pudding as a bribe, but don't withhold it as a punishment.

1. Be judicious if you know there are specific things they genuinely don't like. It's perfectly okay to serve 'wet' food/spicy food/meat/veg/red food or whatever it happens to be that they've taken exception to, but make sure it represents a small part of the total of what's on their plate. You don't need to talk about it or make an issue of it, or give them extra of anything else to 'make up', but make sure there is something on their plate that you know they don't absolutely hate. The aim is not to get into a battle of wills with them and starve them into submission, the aim is make them realise that food is there to be eaten or not as they choose, and that you will not be manipulated by their whims.

It does work if you're consistent about it. But you have to be clear about it in your own mind. If you start to wibble or offer other options, or offer biscuits in between meals cos you know they're hungry then they will start playing you and the wheels will come off quite quickly.

The only problem you might find is waking in the night if they are hungry! My DD had a fussy phase when she was younger - maybe about 2. And if she didn't have much dinner she would wake at about 5am. She would happily go back to sleep for a bit with some milk but it was definitely hunger waking her early!

She'd obviously had enough to see her through til bed time and was fine to eat what she wanted and leave what she didn't but I didn't want to be getting up at 5 so would occasionally do weetabix for pudding. She's 4 now and it doesn't happen any more.

My policy has also always been not to force them to eat anything, but not give them any choice: they can take it or leave it.

I will generally avoid things I know they genuinely don't like and aren't going to get to like.

My children get pudding IF they finish their plates (yes, I use it as a bribe, and it works well).

I am very consistent about these rules.

The headaches I've had are a) children refusing food and then compensating by eating a huge breakfast; b) children eating only the things they like and leaving the rest and c) avoiding fussiness developing. I haven't solved a). I manage b) by holding back some of the preferred food until e.g. the mashed potato has been eaten (I worry that this is a bit mean, and so I don't do it often). As for c) keep things varied.

Oh, and one of the best pieces of advice I got was to arrange the food into a smiley face.

Don't think I can add anything to Anaxagoras advice!

Yes the separate plates is a brilliant idea (fussiness is part of them becoming independent it's not a personal insult) I would say chill out.

Thanks all.
I never force anything on them but am definately not OK with waste and this is starting to show.
DS has a limited range, but what he eats is good its just the lack of anything wet/in a sauce that drives me bonkers. Every meal I serve looks like a picnic and not a meal. Last night: mini cocktail sausages, raw carrot, raw pepper (only orange), crackers, roll of ham and pasta twists. I serve a varation of this almost every day. Then DD gets the same and is being typically 2 yr old fussy and won't eat much of that but then wants food before bed. If she doesn't eat dinner, do I then offer her cereal or whatever before bed?! She's waking at 6am at the moment and it must be cos she's starving?!
I just want to start batch cooking again. I haven't cooked for ages. I'd love to make a nice spag bol and serve it to everyone.
I understand serving up something new with an old favourite but how do I incorporate wet food into this?! What, just serve spag and bol in seperate bowls?! How long would it take him to try the bol?
When I have introduced new food it just goes uneaten week after wek (like cheese for example).
And I do say 'No food, no treat' (not proud of this!), but just last night, DS said 'I don't want a treat then' - so I was scuppered and won't be doing that again!

We do similar to Anaxagora too. Everyone gets the same meal, they either eat it or don't (no alternatives, except perhaps plain bread and peanut butter if they really don't like something), and I do try to make allowances if someone has one or two "special hates" (e.g. DH will eat almost anything but loathes eggs!), but won't stop cooking those things altogether, just serve them as a side part of the meal or something so they can be avoided. Small puddings are allowed even if they haven't eaten much else, but I won't give extra so they can fill up on it.

One rule we do have is that if DS says he doesn't
like something, I tell him he has to have a little bit on his plate, but doesn't have to eat it if he doesn't want. We then ignore it totally and don't try to push him to taste it. It still surprises me how often he will eventually pick up the bit of carrot (or whatever), start nibbling it and end up asking for more!

I think it's useful as well not to obviously pick up on things they dislike. For example DS isn't a big fan of potatoes/mash and will often leave them, but I would never tell someone else (in his hearing) that he "doesn't like" or "won't eat" them, as I think that reinforces it and makes him more likely to start saying the same. As it is, he doesn't eat them much but it's not a big deal, so it's easy for him to change his mind if he suddenly feels like trying them.

If any of my children didn't want the meal I put in front of them then the alternative was and still is bread and butter and no dessert.
The only time I cook different is if I know one of them genuinely doesn't like the meal but even then I try and cook a variation as near to the meal as possible.

I wouldn't put different foods on separate plates, just put them separately on the same plate. So if they don't like bolognese sauce, put the pasta on one side and the sauce on the other rather than mixing it all together. Doesn't matter if some bits are touching. That way they can eat the plain pasta and may eventually end up eating bits of plain pasta that have sauce on them etc. It's about desensitisation, I think.

Agree with the poster who insisted on them having bits of everything on their plate -- I tell mine they don't have to eat it, but it's not going to jump off the plate and bite them, so there's no need to get hysterical about it.

You can't offer extra food before bed, or let them help themselves to food from the fridge/cupboard, otherwise they'll just hold out for that. Be very matter of fact and say, "Of course you're hungry, you didn't eat your supper, that was a bit silly, wasn't it? Never mind, tomorrow you'll remember to eat a bit more and then you won't be hungry". You may just have to tough out the early waking for a while -- 6am isn't that early in the great scheme of things.

It works much better if you all sit down to eat together, even if you only have a small portion and eat your main meal later. You could even sell it to them as 'grown up supper'. Cook whatever you're going to cook (bolognese, let's say), put the pasta on the plate, a small dollop of sauce next to it, and serve raw carrot/pepper/cucumber as the vegetable (also on the same plate). If they kick off, tell them just to eat the parts they like and leave the rest. If they really kick off, take the whole plate away and tell them supper is over cos they're obviously not hungry, and it's now bathtime. They'll either back off superquick and ask for the plate back or they'll throw a major screeching tantrum. It is one of those things you only need to do once or twice before they get the idea (but you do need to really mean it).