Constant battle to avoid sweets etc

[MaggieW]

Why is it so difficult to ensure that my 22 month old DS isn't given chocolate, crisps, sweets or biscuits? I know I can't stop him from having them when he's older but at the moment I don't want him to have them. So often my DH and I are made to feel that we're depriving him by avoiding these things on his behalf. Most recent example was at playgroup where chocolate and crisps were offered as a mid-morning snack. I'd already said I only wanted him to have fruit and raisins but find I constantly have to watch as they don't seem to take me seriously. Same with in-laws, they're well meaning but seem hell bent on giving him ice cream, sweets etc. Can someone suggest a polite, but firm way that I can deal with situations where this happens? Would really appreciate some tips.

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Hi Maggie, there was a thread recently how to deal with nursery giving ice cream? which might be helpful and another, How to help children eat healthily which had lots of advice. HTH.

I agree - chill! Let him have them every so often - remmeber the french and Saunders sketch about the woman who awas denied sweets as a child?!!

I think if you are too Evangelical about htis you will just find every social event a stress and life is too short

do you eat sweets etc?

I don't have a problem with the ILs giving DSs chocolate, biscuits, crisps etc as it happens so rarely. I limit the amount they have and as they are with me the majority of the time this means they don't get a lot of rubbish snacks.

DSs nursery has just changed their snack policy actually to ensure that biscuits aren't offered at every snack time. They offer things like plain biscuits, dry cereal like cheerios and dried fruit - mybe you could suggest your DSs nursery changes their policy so that crisps and chocolate aren't offered for every snack every day - I bet most parents would agree with you.

I think that if you keep your DSs diet healthy when he is in your care, then the occasional "lapse" when he's at nursery or with ILs won't matter. Incidentally, you ention only In Laws, what do your parents do?

I agree, chill with inlaws, but talk to the nursery again about maybe having a healthy eating policy. If you offer a healthy diet and he only gets 'spoiled' by his grandparents, well, I think that's what grandparents are for! Obviously don't let them go mad, maybe suggest ice cream OR sweets or only ice cream or something so he doesn't get completely stuffed with sweets. I told my mum my ds could have minimilks, only to see him coming back from the park with the most giant chocolate ice lolly. But he gets so much out of being with her, I think it's a relatively small price to pay. However, I personally wouldn't be happy with a child getting crisps and chocolate every day at nursery.

Funny isn't though MaggieW - people seem to think you're being cruel by not giving them sweets!!! Personally I think it's the other way round! Friends have said 'oh look she wants that chocolate' and I'm like no she doesn't - she doesn't know what chocolate cake is - she just wants to eat something because other kids are - I'm going to give her this piece of fruit and she'll be as happy as a sand boy - and she is. I know I can't stop her eating chocolate forever, I just want to delay the inevitable for as long as possible. I don't get how people can't respect or understand that sometimes. I don't mind the odd bit of junk type food that's fine but why do some of my friends think that's 'just what kids eat'!!!??? No it isn't!! Kids are perfectly able and happy to enjoy rice cakes and fruit and cheese etc rather than sweets and quavers!! OK - once they've had quavers or wotsits etc they may not willingly hand the packet back in return for a rice cake (!!!), but why introduce these foods until you can't get away with it anymore? I don't spend my time concocting healthy meals to then end it all with a bag of sugary sweets! I'm so with you on this Maggie - it's a sore point with me as you may be able to tell from my rant!

My older d does love sweets but I do restrict them and am constantly amazed by peoples attitude. I don't think its particularly uptight to not want your children to have them. I do quite like sweets but not that much - I mean I really would rather have a piece of fruit or a slice of bread than sweets (now wine, thats a different matter )

I don't really think sweets do any harm, but there is so much rubbish in food nowadays that any small sacrifice helps in the long run. Dd2 happily eats veg and fruit and who knows whether she would do if I had been more lax when she was tiny...

Also dd1 eats such tiny amounts of food that any 'empty calories' worry me. I really really dont want to fill her up with a chocolate bar when she would have eaten a bowl of pasta with veg - no one can deny that is a lot better for her health.

I think I'm extra tough with regard to doing the sugary sweets etc now because DD has Down's Syndrome and threfore I've been told, will have a battle with her weight due to the thyroid glands when she is older. I'm therefore more determined to start her off on the healthiest diet possible. This meant hours of cooking her food from 4 months until now really. I'm more relaxed these days as she's nearly 2 and she has little pizzas and chicken nuggets and potato waffles etc sometimes but I try as much as possible to give her home cooked food such as a little mini roast dinners, or pasta etc and if I give her chicken nuggets I make sure they are chicken breast not chicken 'meat' and I give her sweet potato and veggies with them not chips for example. Desert is always fruit, sometimes rice pudding or fruit with custard so she does get sweet, unhealthyish stuff, I just try to limit it. And sancks consist of cheese and cucumber or mini organic breadsticks etc etc. I've never given her juice - just Evian or milk. I'm not going to say she can't ever have sweets etc, I just want to do my bit now and hope that she continues to enjoy healthier options and see sweets as a treat / party food and therefore hopefully help her with her possible weight problems later in life, who knows, but it's worth at least trying to start her off this way.

My ds has just wolfed down a bowlful of homemade salmon fish pie with broccoli & a dressing of organic omega 3 oil and followed it with mango and banana slices - honest! He's also rather partial to cake and the odd crisp - but as a treat. I know it is possible for a child to enjoy all sorts of food at the same time. I don't think that sweets should be everyday things, but I do beleieve that the odd biscuit or ice-cream for a nearly two year old is not a terrible thing. Of course it is up to you and you do have the total right to dictate what your child eats away from home (if possible), but I think it is a tricky when you don't want to upset loving grandparents, and IMO sometimes it can be worth putting up with the odd bisuit or icecream in return for facilitating happy granparent-grandchild relationships. That's my personal view. I am concerned about my ds's diet too!

The problem with my kids is me. I have such a sweet tooth, especially atm, and I'm sure if I stopped eating so much crap, it would have a huge impct on them. Bad mother.

i'm surprised the nursery can even be bothered to give chocolate. just imagine the mess. Neitherof the 2 mine go to allow chocolate or anything that is vaguely gooey or messy.

does your nursery provide all food/snacks?

Interesting response. The "a little won't hurt" argument doesn't wash with me - he sees his grandparents a lot, goes to playgroup a lot, sees friends a lot so a little often adds up to a whole lot. And it's not a nursery policy - the snacks at playgroup are provided by parents so that's why it annoys me so much - how hard is it to bring an apple instead of chocolate or crisps?

DS has always had a loving relationship with his grandparents (in laws, that is - my Dad died several years ago and my Mum is in NZ so he doesn't see as often as we'd like) and the fact that he doesn't get ice cream or chocolate doesn't detract from that relationship - something which they now can see. They want to do it more for themselves ie that it's the thing that grandparents should do, so again there's no need.

I ate a lot of sweet things when I was a child and consequently have a mouth full of fillings. I don't want DS to have the same or any other health problems which can be attributed to an excess of "treats".

I'm not evangelical nor do I get stressed about it - I just do despair sometimes.

Maggie - I am with you
We have an elderly neighbour who constantly brings frozen mars bars.... hiiiiiiiii.... she now (after many smiles and gentle comments) brings fruit !

MaggieW I am with you too. It's true that all the little occasions add up. Also your child I think you said is only 22 months, similar to my dd and I agree we won't be able to keep it up forever so we do what we can now. Re in laws not understanding, who cares? You are their mother and what you say goes. We,ve told dh's parents dd does not have sugar, that means no ice cream, normal yoghurt, whatever, and I keep meaning to ask them what their opinion is but the bottom line is it is irrelevant! As you said, dd has a great time with them, she doesn't need sugar or crap to make it any better! You asked for advice I would just tell people, we don't let ds have sugar/ice cream/ whatever, thank you. Or just No thanks! Good luck. You know Nick Nicotine, well we've got Shug Shugatine haven't we?

MaggieW I am with you too. It's true that all the little occasions add up. Also your child I think you said is only 22 months, similar to my dd and I agree we won't be able to keep it up forever so we do what we can now. Re in laws not understanding, who cares? You are their mother and what you say goes. We,ve told dh's parents dd does not have sugar, that means no ice cream, normal yoghurt, whatever, and I keep meaning to ask them what their opinion is but the bottom line is it is irrelevant! As you said, dd has a great time with them, she doesn't need sugar or crap to make it any better! You asked for advice I would just tell people, we don't let ds have sugar/ice cream/ whatever, thank you. Or just No thanks! Good luck. You know Nick Nicotine, well we've got Shug Shugatine haven't we?

My ds is not even 8mths and I am made to feel like some kind of fanatic for not wanting him to have sugary foods from the IL's (who live quite nearby). The reason I am particularly uptight about it is that my dh has a weight problem, as does his dad and sister (and I mean a problem). I attribute it to their eating habbits - like eating till you burst is something that should be rewarded, and if there is 4 different types of cake on a plate you should have one of each.

I think I am winning though as today my MIL bought out a baby biscuit that she has seen me give him before, and she got quite a thrill from watching him suck on it. What worked I think was going off everytime they told me about what ds's first cousin was last seen eating (she is only 1 day older) for example, cheese cake, nutella on a bread roll, chips etc.

I don't understand why it is so hard for them to understand given that dh tells stories of throwing up in the car everytime his parents picked him up from his grandma's when he was a kid, because she had stuffed him full of sweets. Who wants to clean that up?

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