How to do mealtimes for 19monther?

[tiredpooky]

I thought I was doing fine, then nursery had a talk with me about DDs poor/fussy eating and made suggestions. She is very small, always has been just under 9th centile for weight on a breastfed chart and on 9th for height.

Anyway before,at mealtimes I was strapping her in the highchair, we would all eat together, I offered a range of foods and tried to encourage she try some sometimes, but dont think i pressurised her, didnt make a fuss if she ate or didnt, well not much i am sure, and kept mealtimes relaxed. i wouldnt let her get down till we had all finished.

Now nursery say,Let mealtimes be fun, bring her up to the table, (fine), dont strap her in, let her select her food from bowls (not easy for her to reach, i often have to help) dont make any offerings to her, and let her get down when she wants. Now I dont really want to let her get down when she wants as I will need to get up and clean her so I end up getting up and down to fetch some new offering like yoghurt/fruit/choc to keep her sat down

My point is, i like some of the ideas, but i dont really like a 'loose' toddler at mealtimes. I thought you had to teach children table manners. When do you start that?

Am I behind the times? Is this really how families do family meals with toddlers?

thank you

ANd to put the food in front of her and not offer it to her doesnt fit quite comfortably with me?

I personally wouldn't follow all of their advice.

A typical dinner time for us goes something like this -

I cook, set the table, she helps me by bringing her cutlery/cup to me, then she runs off to play until I'm ready to serve. Just before I serve, I strap her into her high chair, put her food on her tray (refuses to be fed), make sure she has a drink to hand, and then I leave her to it whilst I dish mine up and then I'll sit at the table next to her. I'll make approving noises now and again, make conversation with her, but it's never about the food, I never draw attention to the food or suggest she eats or tries some of whatever is in front of her. If she's hungry, she'll eat, if she's really not interested, rather than her scream and wriggle about - I get her out, and let her go off and play and then try her with it again in half an hour.

Works for us :)

maybe their meals aren't very nice, or maybe she gets distracted by the other children. if she's likely to climb, i would have thought its dangerous not to strap her in....presumably they monitor her closely if not strapped?

sounds like you are doing ok. i think from that age my kids had whatever was suitable from the rest of the families meal and sat down and eat it with us.

not making a fuss or getting stressed is great..as you are doing. when they were slightly older we introduced the if you don't eat the main course you don't get anything else rule and just left the food there so they could return later if hungry...again no fuss.

the worst things i've seen are pandering to food whims, ie serving something else up if they don't like first option and getting stressed/giving child too much attention if they play up. And not providing a wide range of food - they will end up just eating bland stuff like my ILs and niece