So I'm managing not to offer an alternative when main course is refused - OK to still give fruit?

[franch]

DD1 (20m) has just refused her entire tea (becoming increasingly frequent, this), demanding cheese and grapes. Didn't give her the cheese but did give the grapes as she has fruit as pudding at every meal. Certainly don't want to go down the 'if you don't eat your main course you can't have any pudding' route. But does giving the grapes constitute giving her an alternative to her ham and veg, or not?

Staying calm so far, just reassure me here .......

anyone?

i would say that if she is refusing main course for grapes, dont let her have them. however i would offer her some sort of alternative fruit.

if it was me I would say you can only have the grapes if you eat a bit of your dinner. And then gradually increase the bit so ends up eating all over time.

but hey at least you didn't give chocolate!!

My rule for my four is that they don't have to eat dinner, but the only alternative I'll offer is dry bread.
I was delighted, or perhaps relieved, to note that a newspaper columnist and mum of five has exactly the same rule.
Also I don't actively try to get them to eat because the love the attention. I put it on the table (mine too) and eat. I don't get involved in negotiation.
It works for me and for her.

with ds - same age - I don't give him anything, but will give him a bit of bread half an hour later or so.

dh's strategy is to stick the highchair 8boy and all) in the hall for 5 mins and then offer the main course again. I must admit, it's harsher than i would like but it works. he doesn't always eat all of it but i don't mind that. I also don't mind if he takes a mouthful, chews on it and then spits it out (as long as he tastes it).

wouldn't have given the grapes.

ooh hard one! i too dislike the whole "no pudding if you don't eat your dinner"... but on the other hand she has won.. she demands grapes instead of dinner and she gets them!

i have no idea what i would have done in the same situation though

needs must, sl. I never use "finish it up or no pudding" but I do use "x more spoons and then you can have a yoghurt" a lot.

Thanks all - interesting! Agree with you spider about no negotiation - I refuse to urge her to eat. Think the grapes prob were a mistake - she adores fruit so the dry bread idea prob is a good one. Thanks

Can i fly in the face of prevailing opinion. I don't enter into negotiation over dinner, but they only get fruit as pudding if they don't eat a reasonable amount of the main course.