Ok here goes....I need to put an end to ds1's food fussiness

[ilovespinach]

Ds1 4.9 has a very restricted diet -

marmite on white toast
pancake with oats and apple (only occasionly)
Pasta pesto
plain white bread
Bananas
chocolate (just kinder)
Childrens yoghurt
Water

It's been this way every day for about two and a half years maybe a little more. We've seen someone about this and they said to just give him what he wants, so long as he's healthy and happy it's fine he will grow out of it.

Fast forward to Christmas time. Ds1 along with the rest of the family got flu. The truth is he's not underweight but he has nothing in reserve to cope with illness. He is now very thin and doesn't look very healthy. I feel we have to step in now. Even my mom who has always been an advocate of letting him find his own way agrees. She said he had no enthusiasm (sp) for his food and was clearly trying to force the pasta down as he was not enjoying it.

There is no particular reason for this btw. It's just a rut that we have got stuck in.

So, is it madness for me to tell ds that as of Saturday none of the above things are on the menu. I will be serving up food and if he chooses not to eat it that is fine but we are not going back and he will have to eat what's put in front of him eventually.

I know he's not going to like it and he will put up a fight.

So, after a bit of support :) Is this the right thing for me to do? I know that if we sstart it we can't go back. BTW dh is in favour of this.

I wouldn't totally ban his current likes but change their appearance and accompaniments gradually. e.g if he eats pesto pasta, add small quantities to the sauce or change the sauce completely; add fruit to the yogurts, etc.

I would explain to him that you will be asking him to try different foods but do not discuss the meal at all once it is on the table. Talk about anything but food. Get him interested in cooking, growing his own food too.

Hi I'm just marking place to read later, my DD (3.6) has become a bit fussier so I'm starting to worry. I am aware it is mostly my fault as I've gradually got lazier and DS (16m) is not eating enough either :(

Based on my (limited) experience, I have to say I wouldn't do what you're proposing - much as I can understand it.

My sister was an incredibly fussy eater. My parents did eventually have battles with her over food, where she was told she needed to eat what she was given as there was nothing else coming.

They didn't work. She would rather go hungry (to the point of nearly fainting) than eat something she didn't want. If my parents made her sit at the table till she'd eaten the unliked food, she would sit there for hours rather than eat the food. She just did not seem to get hungry. All these people who say "she'll eat if she's hungry enough" (not on this thread btw) have never seen a truly fussy strong willed child.

I wish I could say it sorted itself out but years later (age 25) she is still an incredibly fussy eater. I do wonder if it's partly because it became established that she was fussy, IYSWIM, and so it would have felt like backing down for her to start trying other foods?

Often I think fussy children will eat more adventurously outside their own home. Perhaps because it's not about controlling their parents in those circumstances, who knows. Is there a way he could eat regularly at someone else's house (grandparent? friend?) Then once he's tried something new there, introduce it at home?

Go for it ilovespinach.

It is no different from making sure a children wears a coat when it is cold and raining outside, or getting a child to go to bed at bedtime because they need their sleep.

Your son needs more nutrients and you know that.

I wish you courage.

Can I add to that...please write out a menu in advance so that he can see what it is that you're going to be feeding him. I started doing this with my sons when they were being picky, and I sat down with them to write the menu. We included some meals that they love, some new ones, and some that they just weren't sure about. One son had to try new veggies and the other had to learn to enjoy rice. It was tiny portions of the new thing, lots of the familiar thing, and no shouting. In 12 months we have achieved a calm and happy dinner table with both kids trying pretty much anything I put in front of them because they are no longer scared of new stuff. Little kids just feel comfy with familiarity and its so hard to introduce change. Involve him in what you're doing and it might just work Good Luck!

Agree with Zebras - a great idea. Get him cooking with you, going to the market with you, buy new placemats! Enthuse about the new menu and explain why you are doing it. Good luck (again!).

sounds like a complete control issue. Is there any reason why he is trying to get your attention - younger sibling? Is he stressed about starting school?

I would introduce new food with the old food and consistently offer it. My DD did not have carrot put on her plate 20 times for her to eat it but for 1.5 years at least twice a week. She loves them now.

I would put bowls of food so everybody helps themselves at each. One bowl with plain pasta perhaps so he can always eat that or bread and butter. The rest of you tuck in and ignore him completely. Do not talk about food but about the day etc... After everybody has finished out comes pudding/fruit/yoghurt - he gets a small portion on his plate then can help himself to more.

You need to give him some control over what he eats and portion size.

He doesn't seem to ejoy the pasta pesto anymore.....the other things go down ok though. He has been checked out by a doctor.

I hear what everyone ois saying. It's so difficult though when I see what he eats.....

I don't mean to be rude to anyone because I really am grateful for all the replies and suggestions but we have literally tried everything.

I have always been an advocate of just leaving him to get on with it. It's the approach I most agree with.

I just see ds looking thinner and thinner and paler.

Maybe I will have a rethink......

I also think I have to leave the post as everytime I think about this I start to cry. I can't believe we are where we are.

Just reading the replies thank you HopeForTheBest (yes we are in Stuttgart :) and frenchfancy.

I think I will talk to ds (again) and see if I can get any suggestions of things he would like to try (this has failed miserably in the past) might be worth a shot. Maybe suggest to him that he should try something different every day or week?

Why does a simple thing like feeding your child turn out to be so difficult? Thank goodness that ds2 isn't the same although he would eat baked beans at every sitting if allowed.

Thanks to everyone aagin. Please don't think I am a horrible mom who wants to shout and bully ds into eating. I am just a very very worried mom who wants her child to be able to have the choice of more than one hot meal or plain white bread in his packed lunch.

Oh, ilovespinach, have a very un-MN hug.

You are doing your best, he is pale and thin because he was ill. He could survive happily on what he eats but you - being a caring and loving mum - want to expand his horizons.

Are you sure you haven't got access to a local dietician who could help? Either reassure or help you come up with a plan...

Either way - do leave the thread if it is best for you. BUt the very best of luck with it (PS I was v fussy as a child, but now as an adult I eat most things... it took a while but hey, we can't be perfect )).

Oh you poor thing :( I had a child like this but he was younger and luckily he has snapped out of it, but I remember the stress. I don't think it was anything we did either, he just gradually improved so I have no advice based on experience.
One thing that did occur to me is that as your DS is older, could you give him more of the responsibility? Could you maybe get him a book for his age about nutrition, the benefits of eating well, and the things that might go wrong if he doesn't? Just wondering if he would actually be open to reasoning? And then obviously you can make a plan from there based on however he feels comfortable?
I only have a 3yo though so might be way off the mark.
Also if he likes bananas and children's yoghurt could you interest him in a smoothie? you could certainly disgise a little more fruit in there, and maybe even the odd vegetable?

Oh and it sounds like from your username that you are giving him a good example :o
I assume you give him vitamins too - sure you do but worth mentioning!

Yes stealth and put some vitamin drops in the yoghurt or smoothie. I know it's hard ilovespinach but go with yr instincts and good luck

I wanted to give an update on this as I received so much good advice...

In the end we went with giving ds breakie and lunch as usual and stopped giving the pasta pesto at tea time in favour of whatever everyone else was having. I eplained to him why we were doing this and gave him a countdown. We had some tears, tantrums etc but it was not as bad as I had built it up to be...

After 2 weeks of not eating anything in the evening (filling up in the daytime instead)on Friday ds ate some fish finger and some potato. Yesterday more fish finger, a pea and some chips. Todays evening meal was veggie sausage and mash and he also ate some cheese spread sandwhich. Not huge quantities but its a start.

In the end the approach that worked with him was being firm and saying that he couldn't watch tv for example or play a game unless he ate some dinner. This is always something I was reluctant to do but ít worked.

When I was putting ds to bed earlier he asked if he could have fishfingers for tea tomorrow because he likes them!

We still have a long way to go but after having a child who has eaten the same food evryday for years we have finally made progress :)

In ds case it seems it really was a control issue. I am mentally making a note of the foods we are going to try this week and smiling. Well done ds!

Just read the whole thread! SO pleased it has a happy ending!

Well done Ilovespinach (and Ilovespinach's DS!)