Help getting toddler to eat normal meals

[PolkaDotRudolf]

My 2.5 yr old DS has a very limited diet. I am not sure if he is just fussy, or perhaps I have encouraged it and it's my fault but as he is getting older I want him to eat "normal" family meals and seeing as it's so cold I also want him to eat something warm!

He currently eats:
Ham / cheese / chicken sandwiches
Rice cakes (plain and flavoured)
Humzingers
Goodies crisps
Fruit puree pots
Yoghurt
Cake (sometimes)
Cheerios (sometimes)
Coleslaw
Cous cous
Spaghetti bolognaise/carbonara (cold)
Raw carrot sticks
Cucumber
Peppers
All fruit under the sun
Jacobs crackers
Toast with honey/jam

I want him to eat with us, or at least the same thing as us at an earlier time.

I can eat at the table with him, but DH works shifts so hardly ever all of us. He does seem to eat better when DH is around but not much I can do about this. Even when DH is home at tea-time he is often sleeping / eaten at work already.

I cook the usual family things - bolognaise, hotpot, roasts, pasta, curry, casseroles - I think these are all ok for DS's age - no?

My questions are:

1. If he refuses food do I offer him some toast or a yoghurt or something?
2. How long should I wait after he has refused dinner if I should offer him something else?
3. If he refuses lunch should I offer him the same thing for tea or move on to something different?
4. Should I give him the new foods for both lunch and tea or give him a sandwich (which I know he will eat) for one meal?

Any other advice most welcome :)

DD has always eaten what we eat, which is a cold lunch then a hot dinner. If she doesn't eat it, she gets some fruit for pudding but that's it. I never offer an alternative.

I remember my younger sister being like this at a similar age (there's a huge age gap of 11 years which is why I remember). Mum used to get her to eat off of my plate and took it from there.

I am from the tough love approach- And I say Love- because, if you go for the namby pamby gentle approach- you end up with months/years of friction at mealtimes.Which doesn't create a very 'loving' environment at the dinner table.

If he refuses food you think he should like- but is just being fussy about it ( ie not cut up the right way, or looks slightly different from usual) I would offer it to him and then say nothing else about it other than once reminding him that if he doesn't eat it, there will be nothing else. No cajouling, no persuading. He actually eats a good variety- so I would incorporate foods he does like and make a different meal out of it, ie- instead of bolognaise- make lasagne, add some chicken to the cous cous etc. You want him to start to try and eat different things, so make the foods he will eat slightly different. I would NEVER offer him anything else to eat- if he refuses something out of pure toddler contraryness. If it's an evening meal- and you don't like the idea of him going to bed on an empty tummy ( personally I have never been worried about sending kids to bed on an empty tummy- they soon eat a big old breakfast and get used to eating bigger meals at meal times) then after the tea time battle has ended and once he has forgotton his stance of refusing to eat- offer him a pice of fruit/jacobs cracker- nothing exciting. If my children refuse a meal I know they like ( maybe they are not hungry- or maybe they are being toddlers!!!) I offer the same meal again for the next meal. Also after something new has been refused- offer it again a few days later and keep offering it every week until it is accepted.( i would buy some ready emals- so you are not slaving over a hot stove for no reason- if he refuses a ready meal-it's much easier to not get into the whole cajouling persuading attention thing. Then once he has accepted a new meal- you can make it yourself. A child never starved from missing a few meals. Make sure he doesn't drink too much juice and milk- in between meals. If he is VERY stubborn, tell him he must eat two mouthfulls of whatever you are introducing, before he can get down, then increase this by a mouthful each time you make that meal.
As with most of childcare - it's all about consistency. good luck

Yes I need to do "tough love".

I tried beef hotpot for lunch and he did try it to be fair. I offered him a yoghurt after he'd sat there about 10 mins (time it took for me to finish) and he wolfed that down then put the hotpot in the yoghurt pot and ate some more An odd combination but who cares!

Will try again later.

I am hoping if I am consistent it won't take too long for him to understand this is the new routine.

We have been doing tough love approach for several months now and it doesn't really seem to work to be honest! Hr just eats literally nothing for several meals a week. He is nearly 2 and eats a similarly restrictive diet. We do give him one meal he likes a day usually (normally sandwiches) then the other is what we are having if the timing works. If he eats some we give him yoghurt which he loves if not he usually just gets a bit of fruit. He is short but not thin. I think he must just fill up by eating entire bananas when offered or whole rounds of sandwiches. Am assuming he will gradually grow out of it but who knows.

Oh no summer! I am not sure I can be consistent for months!!!

I am always perusing threads like this and have tried lots of the tips nothing seems to work that well! He is a fussy bugger.

Getting him to cook with us/me has been successful once or twice, but not always. Its difficult anyway as I have a 4 month-old as well so with just me cooking it's a bit of a nightmare (I find it hard enough to prepare tea while distracting him with telly to be honest!). The one time it was really successful we all three cooked together (DS, DH and I) and we got him to cut up the mushrooms with a blunt knife and we showed him every step of the way. And he ate (a small portion) of it. It was pork with mushroom sauce and potatoes. Other times we have tried similar have resulted in flat refusal though.

We are not necessarily that consistent though as depsite having thought I'd persuaded DH to do the whole "Don't persuade him/praise him for eating/tell him off for not doing method" he actually totally ignores it and gets super excited and praises him massively when he eats, etc, etc. We have MASSIVE arguments about it, as he thinks we should basically totally starve him til he eats more, i.e by offering him hardly anything on his "already likes" list. I disagree, and don't think it would work, but DH always thinks there is a "magic solution" to everything.

Buy " Meals without Tears" from Amazon - do not starve him into submission. Basically give them at least one meal a day that they will eat and slowly introduce other foods. Do not keep offering the same meal - they are not dogs. Treat them like human beings with feelings, tastes who just need some help and love. How would you like to be shown repeatedly the same meal pulled out of the fridge. Yuk.

Thanks everyone...

Going quite well so far.

Afternoon snack was a small banana and a plain fairy cake. I think this is enough for a small boy so I ignored requests for more.

Have just finished tea which was very sucessful :) :) :) - tried pasta with pesto (which I have seen him eat at a friends) and added some plain chicken and chopped peppers. He tried once piece of chicken but spat it out, but at least he tried and he left the peppers despite them normally being an "approved food"! But he ate ALL the pasta which is great!

Will continue tomorrow.

I think limiting his snacks is key so he is actually hungry come mealtimes.

fiddledee what do you mean the same meal pulled out of the fridge? DO you mean the same meal or actually the same food, i.e. leftovers? I agree the latter is a bit gross (but tempting if they have refused the first time and you don't want to waste) but I think giving the same meal that they dislike repeatedly is the way to get them to eat different things! I.e the thing they won't eat gets familiar and they decide to try it.

I don't think anyone was suggesting offering leftover food time and time again.

Well my DS has eaten sod all tonight. I made mini quiches - well he will eat omelette and he will eat mince pies with the same pastry. But no, he won't eat them. Nor roast veggies I made too (no surprise there). He threw a tantrum and asked for banana and yoghurt. I have told him no, but might give in now he's forgotten the tantrum so he doesn't associate kicking off with getting what he wants.

:( summer sorry it's not going well. I did have a tantrum earlier when DS was pointing at the "treat" cupboard so I offered him a yoghurt and suprise surprise he said no. So I got DH to hide all the treats in the utility room If he was really hungry he would have gone for the yoghurt or you'd think he would keep asking for food but he soon forgot.

I didn't have the tantrum DS did just to clarify

All I can say is just keep offering- ds is now six and although he was never super fussy, he wasn't great at trying new things. Suddenly he is a joy to feed and eats everything that we do more or less. I put this down to a combination of school dinners and simply getting older. The knock on effect has been on the two dds who seem to be following his lead.
Dd2 (20 months) refused most of her dinner tonight but it doesn't bother me at all (it would have done with DS)- I know that she will have a big breakfast in the morning.
I would stick to things that you know he likes for breakfast and lunch, plenty of healthy snacks then introduce new things at dinner. Always have something on the plate that they are familiar with.

Not going so well today :( Lunch was ok - cold turkey and salad type things which he picked at. Just made a yummy turkey curry (went for Korma esp for DS as thought he might like it as slightly sweet?) which he has refused to even try! I have only put him a small portion which a spoonful of plain rice and added some peas and carrots so something familiar on the plate.

It's so annoying when you've made something especially for them and they won't even try it! I would have made something more spicy if it as just for DH and I !!!

thanks for this post polkadot, I came on to browse hoping for something similar, as I feel your pain! - have a 3.10yo DS and 20mo DD and both are super fussy at the moment (at home I should add - according to their nursery diaries they eat anything and everything 2 days a week).

I stock up on M&S kids ready meals when they are on offer - altho' I wish the range had more in it! - and give these when I've had a couple of days of my food being rejected. They do fairly well on Heinz's finest, but I alternate between just wanting them to eat something and how much salt they're getting. The only way I can get them to eat my soup is as a pasta sauce. I offer similar meals to you - sometimes I feel what we eat has dwindled down to nursery food and don't feel I can do much more. We've got a jar of tikka masala in to use up turkey leftovers - wouldn't normally have touched it, but friends of ours say their children like it as it's mild, so am going to give that a go. - like you we've tried korma with them, but they've not gone for it. I've given up cooking a sauce from scratch just to throw it away.

But some good tips on here to retry when I have the energy. Good luck, hope tomorrow goes better x

Whenever my dc's said 'don't like it', I always took it to mean 'I don't really fancy that today', particularly if it is something they have previously enjoyed. They learn quickly that they get attention for saying 'don't like it', so I ignore them and carry on. Sometimes, my DD does this and she will sit in front of a plate of food for 5 mins, then eat it normally. They never get alternatives - if you do that, they really have gained the control over the food situation, which imo, is a big no no.

Hi cadifflur I might get DS some M&S ready meals too. Feel quite deflated tonight and was planning on going there tomorrow anyway.

I wish our nursery served food (you have to send them with packed lunch / tea and they do snacks) as I am sure DS would make more effort if all the other children were eating the same thing. It's such a good nursery otherwise though that we have had to overlook this, although I do write it on every questionaire they send out !

Let me know how the Tikka Masala goes - which brand is it? I will try anything :) Better than korma I think...

Am no longer doing alternatives Effjay... DS went to bed without dinner tonight (but he had a good lunch so not worried) No doubt he'll make up for it at breakfast! I have great plans for boiled egg & soldiers!

Good luck . My DS1 (5) loves his eggs and toasty soldiers, although never eats the white. Also, French toast is good (bread dipped in egg and fried), with tomato ketchup. DD1 (2.6) prefers this to the boiled egg.

It is just a phase and it does get easier, I've found. They do like testing the water at this age to see what they can get away with. But also, if they repeatedly say they don't like something, I think you have to respect that too. My DS1 was not at all keen on meat up until very recently and now he eats it happily. Their tastes do change over time and I've always thought variety is key.

I have two dc's...the youngest is nearly 2 and the oldest is 4.5. Both would happily live on sandwiches...but as dd in particular has got older I've started to do the same meal for all four of us even though dh doesn't get home till later although in some cases slightly modified, I've noticed that dd isn't as keen on some things as ds but i work on the basis that everyone gets their turn at a fave meal and tough if they're not keen.
A few favourites are:
Hidden veg pasta sauce putting in grated carrot courgette and small chopped peppers to a Tom based sauce..either add to pasta or add some chicken/sausage. Dh and I then have the sauce later
Mild curry
Chicken thigh casserole -mine really only like the thigh meat as much softer...i use cider and apples in the sauce with carrots etc and they love it.
Egg fried rice cooked up with salmons peas and sweetcorn Also a favourite.
I've also found a risotto sort of dish goes down well as i suppose its quite soft...
it's hard but there are no alternatives in this house..I've been there early in dss life and found myself in a right pickle. I don't though force anything on them that I know I'm not keen on either and for eg don't give dd peas as it's usually game over as the plate hits the table ! keep persevering....

Hi everyone and thank you for all the fab advice.

Am currently doing well with pasta in pesto -I serve it with all sorts of griddled veggies but he ignores those and only eats the pasta but hey it's progress!

Tried risotto yesterday herbgarden and he did try a few spoons so will do that again in a few days. DH not impressed though lol and asked what was accompanying it

Going to try your egg fried rice too as this may be a subtle way of getting him to try egg... Boiled egg and soldiers did not go down well :(