Children and alcohol..thoughts?

[marthamoo]

Does anyone give their children alcohol? I'm not talking several beers and a whisky chaser, but maybe wine with meals?

I know the theory is that children who are brought up to consume a reasonable amount of alcohol, like wine with a meal, will behave more responsibly when finally let loose at 18 but does it actually work like that?

I used to be allowed one small glass of cider or white wine (Blue Nun, if I remember rightly!) with Sunday lunch from the age of about ten.

As a test subject for the "responsible drinking" theory I was a categorical failure - I used to mix my own cocktails when my parents were out (Advocaat and Creme de Menthe..the things that only came out at Christmas so they wouldn't notice the level in the bottle going down - and if they did would hopefully put it down to evaporation). And at 15 I got horribly drunk with my best friend while we looked after her sister's cat for the weekend (the cat ran away, probably frightened by the singing, dancing, puking, and wailing "oh God, I'm going to die....and I'm still a virgin!" )

Sorry, this has turned into a little memoire of my misspent youth.

Just interested to know what people think..DS1 is only six so it hasn't really cropped up yet (though he did have the teeniest bit of lager in a glass of lemonade while we were on holiday...dh's idea, and I'm not sure I'm entirely OK with it).

I'm on the fence I suppose - I'm sure I would have got up to all my stupid drunken antics whether I'd had alcohol as a child or not..but that might just be me

I let DD1 have the occasional sips of wine from my glass. She is 6.5!!

I stand back and wait to be called a bad mum!!:0

just spent ages typing a reply and then it crashed! bah.
I think how children respond to alcohol later in life is more to do with the whole society rather than just whether you were allowed it at home. The 'drink until you're blotto' school of thought really is a british pastime. France, Italy, Spain etc, don't view alcohol in that way.

I too used to drink vile cocktails and cheap cider from 14/15 and get totally drunk. It was just the thing you did. Our whole culture - advertising, mags etc encourages this kind of drinking. The idea of taking about the 'mystery' of booze by letting children have it at home sounds like it should work but I think they are bombarded with too many other messages for it to work. IFYKWIM

Sonnet, you are not the only one! DD is 6.5 and she has the odd (very odd) sip of wine. My brother and his wife did this with theirs and they have grown up to be very responsible about booze, much better than bro and me, who saw it as forbidden fruit.

I'll make the point that Dd does not get a whole glass, just a tiny sip! The French and other southern Europians do this sort of thing with their children and they don't seem to be affected by the binge drinking that dogs Northern Europe.

I think small quantities (probably with a meal) are OK for children. Sonnet I don't think there's any problem with what you're doing. I allow my DS to dip his finger in my wine glass and lick it off so that he gets the taste. He is 2.6 and has been doing this ever since he could really. He only does it when we're out (eg at a pub, a wedding reception etc) although I do drink wine in front of him at home he doesn't do it there - would be too afraid he would also want to dip into my coke (much worse for him IMO). It partly serves the purpose of keeping him amused while waiting for food or whatever and he sees it as an occasional treat.

As he gets older I will allow him to have small glasses of wine (maybe watered down at first) with meals when DH and I are partaking. Not sure what effect it will have on him though as it could still go either way when he's older.

I agree with Bozza - my son (2 and a half) does have the odd sip of wine or beer (or slurp if he's out with DH at the pub!!) - and I am sure he will be having watered down wine or shandies by the time he's 8 or 9. I do think it can be tempting if it is made too 'forbidden' but I also accept that most kids will go through a 'heavy' drinking stage whatever you do as parents.

Anyway, I can hardly be hypocritical, given the amount I drink!

DD it turns out likes dunking digestive bicuits in her great grandparents drinks when she goes to see them.

I can only think she has really odd taste buds as they tend to drink things like Ginger wine (with and without Whiskey) and red wine.

So far nothing bad has happened and it is the only time she ever show's interest in adult type drinks.

I think it depends on their age. When dd1 was about 2 ( v v young I know) she managed to open a bottle of perfume and take a swig. Only a teaspoon or so, but enough to make her drunk! We had to take her down to casualty. The doc said that 15 mls would have been enough to give her alcohol poisoning. Luckily she only had enough to fall over and start laughing, but it shocked me how little is needed to cause problems with kids.

Marmathoo aahh the memories.

Like most of you I let my kids have the odd sip. I like it especially when they scrunch their faces up coz it tastes horrid to them.

Xmas I give the little ones wine with lemonade with their meal, and other special occasions.

Doormat - wish my DS would scrunch up his face, he seems to like alcohol as much as his parents do! He came into our bedroom the other morning & looked hopefully at my bedside glass of water and picked it up with a hopeful 'wine?' !!!

Lou,

I think perfume has a much higher strength than the average scotch, so don't think your daughter's experience is quite the same as he odd sip of lager.

I believe that the occasional sip from mum's glass won't do any harm, and takes away the 'forbidden fruit' aspect of drinking. Most kids dislike the taste anyway.

my sister's daughter, now 14, has been allowed a sherry-sized glass of wine over sunday lunch, or champers at a celebration, from about the age of 10. They have all sorts of probs with her right now, but interestingly, alcohol isn't one of them. She's gone thru the secret smoking, and money pinching phases, so perhaps it works. OR .... perhaps I'm speaking too soon.

LOL Lindy
ds scrunches up with his dads stella.

Yes Lindy my DS seems to be quite taken with wine, either red or white. i think the worst part of it is having his grubby little finger dipped into my lovely glass of chilled wine.... Also think the grandparents disapprove. My parents because I am spoiling him and wasting good wine on him. The in-laws because he is the precious first grandchild and i should behave more responsibly. So can't win....

Easy I wasn't comparing, but the doc was talking about drinking alcohol too.

In case you don't already know and are interested, it's against the law to give any alcohol to a child under five.

eemie, I didn't know that.

I don't let ds( age 4) have alcohol at all. He's not that interested and would rather have cola as a treat (though after reading messages on other threads, perhaps I should give him alcohol instead)

This is partly a reaction to what's happening with my other ds (age 9) I think we did give him the odd sip of lager by age three and certainly gave him watered down wine on special occasions. At the moment, though, he is a bit too fascinated with alcohol for my liking. He nearly always wants a taste of beer or wine if I am drinking some and I suspect would drink half a pint of lager if I let him (I never have).

When we've talked about drinking and why I'm watering down his wine, etc. I've always told my son about his delicate liver and kidneys, how little they are - since he is just a child, and how much work they have to do to keep him clean inside, and how difficult it is for them to work with alcohol in his system, and how ill he'd be if they didn't work properly, so that's why he can't have very much of my drink.

sobernow said "I'd be horrified if my children...tasted alcohol before they were old enough to choose for themselves."

totally agree. Kids have enough of their choices taken away from them already without taking away another one.

Bozza you take cocaine in front of your litle one? Oh sorry coca cola :0 I had visions of your ds dipping his fingers in a white powder ... I'll shut up shall I

Ninja I'm afraid I'm another of the coca-cola addicts.

Thanks to Tigermoth and Sobernow for the other side of the coin. I will have to keep an eye on DS and watch his reactions. I don't actually allow him to sip the wine just dip his finger in and then lick it. Neither DH or I are heavy drinkers. I would normally drink between 6 and 10 units in a week (a couple of glasses of wine Thurs through Sunday or when the bottle ran out). DH will often not drink at all or just a couple of stubbies in a week so we have never been concerned about alcohol really. I am seriously much more concerned about the message that I am sending DS by drinking diet coke at all times of the day. I have been thinking that I ought to try to restrict my intake to after he's gone to bed and when we are out.

As others have said, I think a lot of it depends on attitude towards drink, and being relaxed about it is a good thing. Both my daughters have been 'baptized' by their french aunt with a taste of champagne before their 1st birthday and if my 2.5 year old daughter shows interest and asks for a sip of beer or wine we let her have some. Obviously I don't offer it to her, but if she is curious, I think a sip is fine.

I agree with katierocket, I was brought up drinking alchol from the age of 9, I was literally forced to gulp down half a glass of wine with the meals as it was supposed to be good for my heart.
But I was brought up in Italy, and none of my friends ever got drunk at 15 as it was not the proper thing to do, therefore there was no peer pressure and I did not feel I was missing out on anything if I was not getting drunk.
Do I drink now? Occasionally, I like beer, baileys and champagne.
However I still hate wine and that must be because I was forced to drink it!

I let my toddlers have a taste of wine off my finger, thinking they'll hate it. DD doesn't seem to like it, but nearly 4yo DS is a right proto-alkie; we once found him after a party collecting beer cans and sipping out of them, sigh. We pour tiny amounts of wine into big glasses of water for either child, so they don't feel left out or make a big issue of it.

The forbidden fruit" theory carries weight with me. My mother & her 4 siblings were raised in a Methodist household (so no alcohol ever). Sure enough, my mum & siblings all are/were heavy drinkers. Meanwhile, My dad let me have little sips of beer from time I was a child. Presumably my brothers raised the same. I hated beer then & still do. Although my brothers are addicts, alcohol is not on the list. I can only drink about 2-3 glasses of wine; that's all I care for.

When our dd was born ds (aged 2.9 at the time) had a glass of our sparkling wine, by glass I mean a tiny liquor glass only half filled.

I had a small amount of wine with my parents at Sunday lunch aged about 10 onwards. I went through the usual overdrinking as a teenger but am fairly sensible now.

I hate to be a bore but..... It is actually dangerous for children to drink alcohol whatever the quantity.(I speak as a proffesional) Half a glass to a small child is as much as a few large ones to an adult. There is a risk of alcohol poisening and believe it or not, just a little is getting them just a little drunk.
There is a notion that in cultures where drinking is the 'norm' there are less problems with alcoholism, infact France, Spain and Italy also have big drug and drink problems.
I would be horrified if anyone gave my 3 year old a sip, it's not something he needs and as it just might cause him harm, why take a risk.
Of course it's down to personal choice at the end of the day but if you consulted a doctor they would tell you it is harmful.