no frills, gorg tasty larvelly mash - HOW can i stop my in laws from complaining - or myself from telling them to F*ck the F8ck OFF?

[Tortington]

we have the pleasure of dh's side of the family coming over for xmas.

once we roasted vegetables - and that was toooooooooo fancy for them - roasted parsnip? lord no - its fancy it must be foreign or posh

lord help me

so my step neice (17) continually makes jibes about lumpy mash.

tbh i don'[t know why i put myself through this shit, its an excuse for them to be rude, unappreciative and crass.

i wouldn[t dream of saying their cooking was shit - and it is.

anyway.

so im not going to add anything fancy to the mash like chives or creaaaam....must be butter only.

so i think its got something to do with the mashing technique, i have previously used a hand held basic mashing impliment. and a fork.

i do have a whizzer, not a mixer thingy but a whizzer - not a food processor exactly - a whizzer

i also have a hand held electric thingy - should i buy something else to make unlumpy mash to shut them the fuck up

Get the step niece to do the mash... well everyone helps at Christmas, don't they

yes i'm going to say in fake laughy voice " if you don't like anything just leave it, but don't lay into me as i;ve spend a lot of time doing this ha haa haa ha"

aunt bessie's frozen mash.

Takes 5-10 mintues in the microwave, depending on how much your doing. You could decant the cooked mash into a nice dish and put it in the warming oven for a 'this is one I made earlier effect'

It's absolutly delicious and doesn't taste at all fake.

A line I learnt from MN -

" that sounded very rude! Did you mean to be rude?"

But actually I think Miggsie has the best advice, get your niece to do it. "oh stepniece, I know you like really smooth mash, can you show me how you do it? No really, you do it, then it will be just how you like it and we can all enjoy it too. No, I insist"

Ricer.
Maris Pipers.
Boiled till just soft.
Add alot of butter, a bit of milk, an egg, a reasonable amount of salt. Lots of pepper.
Seasoning is very important in mash.

The ricer gives the smoothness. Nothing beats it !! And my mash is FABAROONEY.

Ricer is a bloody kerfuffle, but it is SOOO worth it.

yy - the milk and butter must be hot before mashing with the spuds

you also need far more milk and butter than you think.

Oh how I feel your pain! They sound as rude and ignorant as my in laws.

One christmas I dared serve chestnuts with my sprouts and red cabbage with apple. It caused such an uproar the incident is now referred to between DH and myself as "red cabbage and applegate". OMFG - the way they reacted you would have thought I had served cow pat fritters for christmas dinner. MIL still mentions the red cabbage and apple - and I reckon we are 5 years on now!!

And then there was the time they could not eat the carrote because they were cut into batons and not circles!! Yep - all completely true. I had to bite my tongue very hard indeed to stop myself telling MIL and FIL where they could shove a whole carrot!

I think I will be using the rude line that fruitful has mentioned next time they come here for food. My new SIL is entertaining (and cooking) for us all this year. Its their 1st family christmas - I dont think my poor SIL has a clue what she has let herself in for!

Whatever you do, if you get a ricer don't tell them that's what you used. They will probably go ooer rice, she's turned our spuds into Foreign Muck.

i'm loving the rude line

will ddeffo use that, fabbo

yes, we once baked a pear - oh and celeriac - much to t he same reaction

lol grimma - sounds like you know them

I whisk very well cooked floury potatoes with an electric beater along with butter and hot milk and pepper - makes totally smooth whipped potatoes with a very light texture.

I use a ricer for unlumpy mash - not sure if that helps. Perhaps add a little arsenic to the in-laws mash?

Train your DH to say what Miggsies DH said. If necessary by recording it and playing it while he is asleep.

Love the rude line too.

give them smash, BUT DON'T make smash for yourselves.

Don't tell them what you've done. Deny it if they tell you. in fact, make sure they see you peeling the potatoes (for your own)

1. Potato ricer, Say goodbye to lumpy mash forever!
2. Use the right potato eg King Edward

Say to her in a loud talking to a 3 year old voice, 'Lumps, dearie? Well never mind, pass your plate over here and Aunty Custy will pick them out for you. There's a good girl'.

haha

I vote for same as Ihavenewsockson

Aunt Bessie all the way. Is lovely stuff without any hassle whatsoever. Add a bit of extra milk to it though once heated.

Ping!

King Edwards are rubbish though, too short a window between perfectly cooked and wallpaper paste. Try Malfonas or Maris Pipers.

I always make sure the spuds are hot and mash right away with milk/butter with a hand held masher - great mash and no lumps
Maris Pipers are the best
I'd give the fussy buggers smash though

They are probably comparing to Aunt Bessies. Just get some of that in. Frozen department. Very nice. I use it on kids all the time.

And def to some roast parsnips for yaself. Christmas isn't right without roast parsnips.