DS won't eat and I'm at the end of my bloody tether

[MrsChemist]

He is nearly 14mo and for the past maybe 3/4 weeks he has been driving me up the wall.

He is teething, so it's to be expected that he would be fussy over his food, but it's more than that. He'll be happily eating and then something will happen (e.g. I won't hand him the spoon because he already has two in his hands) and he will lose it, throw a tantrum and refuse to eat any more.

Sometimes I'll give him something he doesn't like, take it away and replace it with something he does, but he doesn't care, he'll keep refusing anything.

I spend most of my day thinking about what he'll eat, and if he's had enough/had all the right things and it's just totally draining. The more I think about it, the less ideas I come up with, and the more frustrated I become.

Today I just completely lost it and burst into tears just as DH got home.
He says he thinks it's to do with cutlery. We give him his fork and his spoon when he eats. DH thinks this distracts him (he can't really use them, so just waggles them and attempts at stabbing food).
He also thinks our cutlery distracts him, and I think he does have a point. Today he wouldn't eat pizza at pizza express because he wanted to play with our cutlery, and yesterday he wouldn't eat an apple because he wanted the knife I was cutting it with.

So tomorrow DH is doing all the cooking (to give my poor, fried brain a rest) and we are all eating finger food, so DS won't be distracted.

I'm just wondering if anyone else had experienced the same, and how they got around it. We can't eat finger food forever.

TIA

Sounds very familiar, DS1 was much like this!

I would try not to worry too much, they really don't need a huge amount of food at this age and if you think about what he's had to eat over a week rather than on one day you'll probably find he's got all the food groups covered.

I would carry on giving him one meal, if he only picks/throws it/downs tools midway then just brightly say (through clenched teeth) "You finished then? Alright" and don't try to tempt him with alternatives, just get him down from the high chair til the next snack/mealtime.

Re: cutlery, your DH may have a point - we had a brief attempt at family meals to entice DS1 to try more food at his fussiest point but all he would want is other people's cutlery/condiments/drinks/etc. I also remember having to move anything interesting like the fruit bowl out of view in the kitchen while he was eating!

If it's any consolation, DS1 is now 3.8 and will happily sit down and eat a meal (still pretty fussy but definitely eats enough). It is so stressful but you have to try to relax about it. It's a cliche but he will not starve himself.

Also lol at "I won't hand him the spoon because he already has two in his hands", you just need to keep a bigger pile of spoons to hand, DS2 (18mo) can quite happily have four on the go

I think it's more that he wants my spoon because I've got it.

The cat is the same with food. Even if it's the same food, mine is better, according to the cat.

So did you just stop eating in front of him then, so he wouldn't be distracted by your cutlery?

This would be good, because we were intending on eating chicken and fennel ragout with couscous for dinner, and I don't fancy eating that with my hands.

Yes, we went back to giving him his tea at 5ish and we would eat later when he was in bed. I know a lot of people say You Must Eat As A Family but the other way worked better for us, it seemed to take some of the pressure off DS1 of both parents hovering over trying to get him to eat. There are many many years ahead for family mealtimes and he can still have a lot of the same food as you if you save portions.

That makes sense.

I like the idea of eating together because DH works shifts, so he isn't always home for tea and when he is, it's nice to sit around as a family, but I can forego it if DS eats.

Thanks

I think that when the kids are still young it's ok not to eat together. I totally believe in family meal times being v. important, that's how I was bought up and that's how I want to bring up my kids. But, right now I don't want to eat at 5.30 so as they get older we'll shift our eating times accordingly so that we do have a family meal. If trying to eat together distracts your son, then leave it for now. Do whatever it takes to make meal times with him less stressful.

we've always eaten as a family and they had what they were given or went without. but thats because i work and didn't have time for 2 meals.

key thing is that you don't make this into a battle, and he doesn't learn that he gets loads of attention by being difficult and that if he refuses food you will give him something else - this is the way to produce a fussy eater for life. a variety of finger food, by himself, sounds the way to go - but don't produce other things if he won't eat - just leave food there till he does. he won't starve

unless your child has a medical problem, your child will eat.

its a basic natural instinct. if you do not feed your child, or the child refuses to eat a meal. then don't feed the child until the next meal.

whilst i realise many posters have their own experiences, in my experience, people who state that their child doesn't or won't eat, are actually giving their child snacks becuase they are worried about the amount of food consumption. which then creates a catch 22. not that i am suggesting you are doing this.