child eating nothing

[Buglet]

Hi everyone'

I have a big, big problem and I want to see if there's anyone out there who can help me. DS is 14months old and eating absolutely nothing. He has never been a great eater and hoveres between the 9th and 25th percentile in that wretched red book. He refuses from the first spoonful and when feeding himself (finger food) he just plays with it and tips it over hte side of his high chair. Won't make the post too long as I could write a book on this.. suffice to say, none of the 5 seperate GPs or any of the many health visitors I see seem to take it seriously. I have recently begged for a paediatrician consult but they 'need to decide about that and get back to me'. I am at the end of my rope, crying every day, feeling powerless, hopeless,worried sick he'll starve to death. I've read all the books and tried evrything... anyone help?

what milk is he getting?

what is his milk intake like?

when he tips the finger food over the edge how do you react?

Thanks for replying, you angels. Milk intake has always been less than 'what he needs' according to guidelines. None in the morning (except on porridge/ muesli which he refuses) some in a cup at breakfast which he may or may not sip. and then 8oz at night. That's it. Probably the only thing keeping him going.

Oh and the finger food over the side? I don't react, I just leave it there. Is that right?

does he lift anything to his mouth?

I am including toys in this question

Thanks RM, everything but food goes in his mouth.. paper, books, toys, my hands. He is getting SMA toddler milk at night and full fat milk at breakfast.

he is very thin to my eyes, miles smaller than much younger babies I know and shopping for him is depressing.. he only fits 6-9 months clothes. He was a big 8.8lb born and stayed on 50th until 12 weeks.

okay

so we have established that he hasn't an aversion to putting stuff in his mouth

I would be inclined to stop with trying to spoon feed him and let him do it all himself

So put newspaper down under the highchair to catch all the rubble and pop his food directly onto the tray

don't bother with 'baby food' just family foods

also try to relax - are you standing over him? very very easy to get in a tangle over food

How tall is he?

Some children are just skinny - I think you can tell more from a child's energy levels tbh.

Don't mean to sound flippant - when you say 'nothing' is it really nothing or is it a few mouthfuls here and there?

My DS was very similar - 25 months now, but getting better.

Does he eat for anybody else? I think in my DS's case it is about him exerting his power over me. Could it be for yours ? - you said in your OP that you felt powerless.

I found that he will eat if he is either alone, or with someone else - DH, nursery, friends - but not if he is with me or if we are out. He was better with finger foods too - he likes his independence (he is old enough to use a fork and spoon now).

And don't hassle him. It can take DS half an hour to eat 2 fishfinger and some peas, but he will eat most of it.

I was at my wit's end with DS about a month ago and HV advised me to keep a food diary for 3 weeks. I wrote down everything he ate and drank for 3 week. When I that I realised that he does eat a bit more than I thought he did. I try and ask him to eat one spoon/piece of each thing on his plate (eg one piece of chicken, 1 chunk of carrot, 1 spoon of mash). I try and make sure that 1 thing is something that I know he likes and give him something new/that he has not yet developed a taste for 2 o3 times a week.

It is depressing, hard work and frustrating but we are getting there.

If it is any comfort, my HV told me about a child on her case load who will only eat mushrooms and apple juice!

And is he wetting nappies several times a day, passing stools at least once a week and generally alert and playful?

Maybe he is just a "good doer" and doesn't need large amounts of foods.

As the others say above, try tiny amounts of your food, not baby pap, and let him explore and get on with it himself.

If he is not ill and is just not gorging, then try not to worry. He has a tiny stomach and cannot eat large portions of anything in one go - a tablespoon or so is probably about right.

Ok first off it is probably much easier for me as dd is 17mths and is rather well padded. However she has been much like your son. DD took absolutely no interest in solid at 6,7,8,9,10 mths etc...I kept offering and she kept refusing. We even got put onto reflux medication by the gp at 13mths to see if eating was hurting her and while she did actually start eating small amounts at this point it did not make a drastic difference. We are now at the point of her eating a meal a day plus snacks on somedays and nothing on others. I offer breakfast (she ate 2 tiny mouthfuls of weetabix for the first time yesterday) then a platter at morning tea (variety of small bits and bobs that are knocking around kitchen..raisins, toast wedges, pieces of fruit, crackers basically anything I can think of...she has a hoover as a brother so there is at least no wastage in this house, I offer whatever we are having at lunch, another platter at pm tea, dinner then another supper platter which is almost always mainly fruit. In a day she would eat between a tablespoon of food all day and 4-5 tablespoons of food and yet is thriving.
what I am trying to say in my long winded way is that I think some children are just like this and all I am doing is just keeping on offering and I can start to see some progress... I do have some guaranteed eats and try to include those in meals as much as possible...these include pasta especially spagetti noodles, and cheese in any form. dd likes to be totally in control and rather than tipping over the side is likely to put it in her mouth suck it a bit and then spit it all out but frankly I don't care I just clean up and carry on. I also have finally worked out she doesn't like her food to look different to ours so if we are eating a whole apple she will manage much more doing the same than if I cut it up. Some children are naturally smaller and just for your info my 6 year old hoover who can out eat his 6ft5 dad is and almost always has been on the 20th percentile of weight.
Ask yourself is he active
Is he mostly healthy
Is he continuing to reach milestones (don't use age related timelines by the way I mean can you see that he is developing new skills and abilities on his own timetable if that makes sense. I would be more concerned if the answer to these was no as well as the eating.

step away from the red book DD1 was exactly the same, 9th centile, skinny then and still skinny now at 4 (still eats less than her friends but VERY healthy and energetic) wouldn't eat hardly anything, we had dietitian referrals, paediatric referrals...

When she started at nursery, because she was surrounded with children who were eating well she started to eat well too. As soon as she was in a proper chair with a proper plate and proper cutlery

Eventually I realised that my stress about what she was eating made her stressed and when I chilled out she started to eat better...it might be just the way your child is? It certainly was with mine!

Thanks evryone for help... Have taken on board all of it and perhaps he is just a 'skinny'. He is healthy and very active and tonight has had 12 spoonfuls of shepherd's pie and alsmost an entire baby yoghurt so an improvement.

Will try the 'chill pill' altthough it will be tough as I have made it such an issue now. Yawningmonster... you made a special effort to help out and am indebted, but you all have been so sweet I don't feel so alone on this now. I admit some days I feel as though I'm living in a parallel universe and will end up some tragic newspaper headline banging on about how nobody would listen to me .....

As Scarlett O'Hara famously said 'tomorrow is another day' and I will try again to feed my baby with your invaluable advice to help me.