Guilty about feeding from Jars at 9 months

[CarolLouise]

I'm going thru a big guilt trip, thanks to the Mother - In - Law. I work full time and am often away leaving my hubby (who also works full time) to look after 9 month old and 10 year old, - he has school dinners. Because we eat erratically and sometimes not until really late and then it's micro meals or take-always), I usually feed my daughter Organic food from jars. I think this is great as she gets a fantastic variety (better than I can give her) but my M.I.L thinks it's appalling. When I weaned her, I did spend every Saturday slaving over a stove and blender to make enough purees to freeze but I would rather spend my weekend having quality time with her and doing the (very) occasional bit of housework. Am I really a bad mum and seriously am I depriving her of nutrition?

No you're not!

I am in the same position (without the 10 year old)and until very recently my 18 month dd was given 2 jars a day to go to nursery, and I too felt really guilty. I would have preferred to send her in with freshly prepared food, but just didn't have the time. At least with the jars, I knew that she liked what I was sending in, so didn't have to worry about her going hungry.

Now she's refusing to eat anything sloppy, and I'm having to send in finger food, and its a nightmare trying to supply a variety of nutricious bits and pieces that she likes. If she had her way she would only eat ham and strawberries!

Don't have any real advice, just loads of sympathy...maybe your MIL could do some of the cooking and freezing

Agree with Tissy...your kids would much rather have you play with them on the weekend that spend all your time in the kitchen cooking. MILs can be one long guilt trip - just ignore her. GOd knows what she fed her kids anyway!

My DD is also now insisting on just finger food...and just baked beans at the moment. Ugh.

Jars of food (the ones I bought anyway) were nutritionally tested to make sure that they supplied everything for the baby - don't feel bad, I spent a fortune on tubs and fresh food and ages cooking and little bugger would not touch anything I had made!!

I am sure all of the baby food that we buy today is subject to strict guidelines and testing so that it is a good source of nutrition, add finger food which I am sure she must get (my dd used to eat cheese, tomatoes, cucumber and a whole range of stuff) and she is fine!

Firstly, you are not a bad mum! MIL can have a habit of making you feel guilty.

My dd is the same age as yours and she has mainly homemade food but has jars too when out and about or if I have been too tired/busy to make anything for her. She has a nap of about 2 hours most days so when I am off work with her, I wait till she is asleep and then make her meals then (so I don't miss out on spending time with her awake). Most of the stuff I make takes 30 mins max (chopping & cooking) so can usually get loads made.

I tried the Annabel Karmel (?) and Gina Ford receipes which were good but took ages, so now I usually use the Lorraine Kelly book, v quick and lots of variety (should be on commission, most of my friends have this book due to me boring them about it).

Doesn't have to be gourmet (sp?) sometimes she just has squashed banana and toast.

I have a big problem with feeling or being made to feel guilty over these small shortcuts that working mumsor any mum!sometimes resort to. No one, NO ONE, can do everything. Anyone who seems to be doing everything is probably doing everything badly.

Organic jars are a good compromise. Don't feel guilty. Ignore MIL (hard as it is).

I don't know what the feeding tradition has been in this country, but a whole generation of American babies grew up on jars. And they grew.

I like to cook and I don't work full time, so making meals is not a big deal for me. But lots of other things go pear-shaped while I'm doing the cooking--the house, the ironing, the garden. Etc. And I do use jars, too, if it happens to be convenient to do so.

I believe mums should try to resist feeling guilty whenever possible, and also resist justifying "unpopular" choices like using dummies or pots of food or formula. It's simply nobody else's business.

Tissy's suggestion that MIL cook and freeze is EXCELLENT.

Carol please don't let your MIL get to you. Don't feel guilty about feeding your baby food from jars, he fact is that your MIL probably didn't work full time and therefore had more time to devote to being a domestic goddess and all reound perfect specimen of motherhood (arf !!).

Having said that I work part time and am giving up on Aug 1st and I feed my nearly 12 month old DD jars too. For me it is convenient (I have a 9 & 11 year old too), my DD gets a wide variety of flavours and textures and there is always space in my freezer !!! The problem with MILs is that they ALWAYS know best, I think that you should do your best to just grin and bear her. IME trying to explain to them or bring them round to your way of thinking never works....

When I went back to work, I was on a big guilt trip of my own, and used to spend hours at the weekend boiling fruit and veg purees, and freezing them in ice cube trays. When Mum came to visit (who had also been a working mother) she went out and bought organic babyfood jars and told me to stop wasting my life slaving away. We had a big row because I thought the best quality jars were too expensive (actually real reason was stupid desire to do it myself) and she said that is the whole point of working, ie you can afford these luxuries to make life sweeter and spend the time playing with your child instead of doing housework. She was right! Once your dd grows up and eats the same food as you, you will start cooking again I am sure. It is just a phase, when the child is really small, and you are really busy and tired, and can't cook 2 different meals every single night. My ds eats a really healthy homecooked diet now and helps me cook, eg peeling onions, pulling off leaves, mixing things up and I cook a lot, but I was not able to do that when he was smaller. He is also able to wait a while if dinner is not ready, which a small baby just cannot do. Once your dd is toilet trained, does not make a huge mess on the floor at every meal, does not need spoonfeeding, etc, you will have plenty of time for cooking. Why can't she nag her own son to do some cooking if she thinks you aren't doing a good job?

I almost never did jars at all and think your MIL is being silly. There are much better things to feel guilty about!

Thanks to all of you for your reassuring words! My MIL did actually work full time and had a hubby in the navy who was away a lot but had the benefit of being able to afford a cleaner and ironing lady and having her mother looking after her kids until she came home from work so inevitably they got their tea at grandmas. Can't complain about hubby; he does most of the housework, makes up bottles and does the delivery and collection of kids to child-minders and school so he's fab! (He also cooks when I'm home)! Have a fantastic 10 year old step-son at home as well who is a big help and brilliant with baby. So I guess I'm pretty lucky all in all. Just that this weekend having spent another fortune on jars and then getting comments from MIL felt low and guilty. Thanks again everyone!

If you are happy with the jars and dd is happy with the jars, don't worry about it. At least dd is eating! Just remember a MIL sees it as her job to be an annoying, interfering old bag.

expatkat, I suspect the tradition in this country has been a lot different from the US as far as jars are concerned - I think that here they are a lot better now than they used to be, no added salt/sugar etc, which is possibly part of CarolLouise's MIL's problem (apart from being an interfering bat) - the fact that jars are now much more wholesome, not to mention organic, probably goes over her head.

My DD1 was born in NY in 1982 and I was able to buy jars of pure food - not "something dinner" or "something and rice" which I think was all that was on offer here then. In America Gerber and Heinz (can't remember who else) produced jars of pure meat, pure veg and pure fruit (like "lamb", "green beans", "pears" ). (Dunno how much pesticides etc they might have contained mind you...)

You could also get boxes of pure baby cereal - not just rice but oats and others, can't remember now, but not eg "Sunshine Orange Breakfast" which I seem to remember amongst the delights of Milupa in the early 80s. It also made it much easier to introduce new foods individually if you were not any kind of cook. I wonder what they have in jars over there these days?

Anyway, CarolLouise, I agree with everybody else, do what suits you and DD and the rest of your family and enjoy your weekends!

CarolLouise - at 9 months your little un can be eating virtually anything (the NHS Birth to 5 years book says so) so I would just give her whatever you're eating mushed up, or if she's eating at different times to you - which is always the case with our ds - save a little of what you have had for her next meal. Our son (who's also 9 months) gets a lot of jar food and I have never worried about it too much. We've got enough on our plates being mums (no pun intended!).

CarolLouise, I'm a SAHM but I still fed my ds mainly on jars to start with, as I'm just not interested in cooking. I agree with everyone else who says don't feel guilty. It's just not worth getting het up about, there are far more important things in life.

Can I just say that Annabel Karmel should be whacked with a brick. She's made millions from making stressed mothers feel guilty about using jars - well ds had jars - and he now eats all the things kids like that they shouldn't as well as the things you wouldn't expect a three year old to like - eg: marinated anchovies, olives, capers, fish, calamari, tatziki etc etc. Life's too short to stress about not living up to a Jackie Collins lookalike's expectations. I mean, that woman has bad hair.

This thread has perfect timing for me as I too am feeling guilty about food, though not about jars (though I did use jars, and also felt guilty about that too!)

As ds was having his tea last night (pizza, oven chips and beans) FIL, who is a health freak popped round for a coffee. He was Horrified that ds was having oven chips and lectured me on the fat content. He said I was lazy as it takes only minutes tp prepare mashed potato which is a much healthier option. I was gobsmacked and too upset to answer him back. But now I wish I had said something. In my defence ds only has this sort of tea twice a week when I have been to work. He usually has freshly prepared, heathier meals. FIL is alway getting digs in at me as his other dil loves cooking and always serves up nutricious food for her kids - she never used jars! I am spending the whole weekend with them all this week and I just know I'll get upset over something.

Whack him with a brick, Northerner!

Oven chips are relatively low fat anyway - well, compared with deep-fat chips - dunno about mash. Pizza is v good for you, that was in the paper last week (cooked tomatoes), and beans are 1) a veg and 2) full of fibre. So nur to him.

I've read recently that toddlers and young children need a lot more fat in their diet than adults - its not somethign I worry about at all.

As long as your child is eating something and is happy and healthy, who cares what anyone else thinks?
My dd is 14 months, and on days when she's being fussy with food, I find the only things she'll go for are a jar of organic korma or my home-made chilli-con-carne (which isn't often in supply, as I am pregnant and eating it by the bucket-load, so none left for anyone else!).
Failing that, I love the new Birds Eye microwaveable packs of mixed veg, which dd can feed herself. There's nothing wrong with 'convenience' foods - that's what they are there for.

Can you believe the cheek of some people? You should have said they were deep fried chips in LARD to make him really shudder.

Tell them all to keep their interfering nosy beaks out.

I am just off to Boots to get some jars for my little princess as last night I had an appointment with a bottle of wine with my dh so did not get any food made - quick, someone inform the Food Police.

janh - good to see my preferred method of defence is catching on.

I love it, willow - always makes me giggle when I see one of yours.

All interfering old bats should be whacked with bricks regularly until they learn to keep shtum.

My ds still has the occasional jar of savoury and he's 2 next month! I am also, a SAHM. I find them very handy if 'caught short' if late in from town or wherever for an instant meal. Ds loves them.

Still use 4 month fruit puree too, DS esecially reccommends it with a fairy cake and custard.

I think the jars offer far more variety than anything I could conjure up. What a menu, French this and that with cous cous. Roast thingymybob with fruity rice.

There's plenty of time yet, for you to slave over that hot stove, so give yourself a break, tell whoever's sticking their nose in to mind their own business.

Jars, couldn't have survived without them, would never have gone out. Hipp and Organix.

northerner, oven chips are low in fat, approx 4%.

dd is almost one and still has jars - even though I am a SAHM - HIPP and organix.. she is still learning to eat food with lumps so jars are perfect until she can master lumpy food then it is onto normal food. She is not able to eat any fingerfood at this stage and so I am not going to fight her when I can feed her from a jar and then get one with other important things.
She loves the food and eats well. As long as they are low in sugar, slat and perservatives - what is the problem.

your MIL can go jump... I cannot believe how interfering some people are.. northerner same to your fil.