Judgemental people on mumsnet

[creaturcomforts]

I'm going to cancel mumsnet. I used to find it as a place to seek advice and solidarity from like minded people there really is no point in posting anymore as the posters are judgemental and unkind. Its no longer a place of advice and the posts aren't fair to anyone.

Ive posted a few times and had angry and judgemental posts.. without the posters asking or clarifying any of my posts.

I understand that its hard times . But its really unnecessary to treat people like this.

I'm out

I'm sorry to hear this OP.

I think there still is support to be had, especially if you post away from AIBU as you've done here.

💐

Unfortunately I think you always get judgmental people on forums asking for advice- people want to impart their own points of view and perceived wisdom. I'm sorry you've felt bad though. This isn't an airport departure lounge however so no need to announce your exit

Kitkatsky thanks for the passive aggressive anouncement

I don’t think MN is the problem here.

Thanks earrings and lipsticks

Did you post on aibu? I find it best to stay away from there if you want support, so many posters ready to kick you when you are down

There are a lot of judgemental people on mumsnet and it made me see that I was putting myself up in the dock a bit. Like I kept defending being on lone parent benefit even though I didn't have the income capability to cover childcare for two, didn't drive, one dc had an SN, but I kept battling with the judgers who thought that because they had managed it everybody else should be able to, or worse the people who grudged you having brought your children's lives in to the world because their father let you down.

But I think that seeing this dynamic on line made me realise that I owed nobody any explanation. If people don't have the emotional intelligence they don't have it. You can't explain empathy to people. So don't try.

I get frustrated by a number of behaviours on mumsnet; saying ''have you posted about this before?'' to somebody in pain is one of my bugbears.

@ColaOlaLa

Did you post on aibu? I find it best to stay away from there if you want support, so many posters ready to kick you when you are down

Yes, asking a question on AIBU is like standing in town square, like Baldrick, asking the villagers to throw turnips at you. They will do it.

So don't go there.

Thanks colalola no I didn't think I'd posted on aibu. Will have to look into it .

I once posted on aibu when I was clearly upset about my ex and got told I should just tell him our children had died, because I didn’t find it funny I got told I need to “lighten up” after that all the posters ignored my op and only came on to laugh at the comment even after I said I found it upsetting

Constancemarkiewz, am in the same position and thank you for your post, it's a difficult situation, but if others have no empathy and I've had this, you are right . You have to make your own path, yes I'm trying in a difficult situation and you recognise that and thank you, I understand what you're saying

You have to rake through the replies. You know which ones are bitchy and not worth your attention. For all the stupid advice or horrible people there are lots of genuinely lovely, caring, helpful ones. Sometimes it’s difficult to do that when you’re stressed about something though. Finding the most appropriate part of the forum usually helps.

Well off you go then. Why announce it? This is a public forum and people wont agree with you all the time. It's actually the reason I often post - to get that perspective from others. It can be brutal but we sometimes need that. I dont take it personally - these are strangers. Why would I? I take what I can from everyone who takes the time to post and I thank them.

I'm sorry Colala, mumsnet posters should step back any think sometimes, that sounds upsetting and unkind I'm sorry

It gets easier. I've been around over a decade now and my situation has changed a lot. Being a single parent is so tough. You have to do everything, you have to earn/care (even if the earning is sorting out benefits, it's mental load and stressful) and then you have to do it without support and affection that families seem to get. Make the decision to offer no explanation, no defenses, no perspectives to people who just want to judge. I do think that anonymous fora bring out the low self-esteems and the very reactionary posters who want to tell you How It Is to make themselves feel a bit less inadequate for a moment.
The relationships board is kinder if you have a problem. Or 30 days.
But even there, I find that the whole thread can go either way, depending on the ''verdict'' of the first few posters! It's a fickle business.

Thanks honeyroar, I totally agree and that's the thing with asking for advice on the internet

I'm genuine and clear; but the advice recently has been a bit unspecifaclly unkind and seems to be assuming points that I never made.

Many mumsnet users will be put off from asking for advice as the comments can be quite unfair at times!

Yup! Off I go! Like a good little dog/ difficult person. When I have an opinion.... how dare you. Bye!

Thanks constanceamrkiewz, I appreciate your comment and yes its hard for people to get where you are coming from when they havent been in the same situation. I gather that you're very strong, and I hope to be the same as you, it's a real tricky situation and alot of people wont get this. Thank you for taking the time to post this

Constancenarkiewz, yep I've had those kind of judgements before, I'm also a lone parent and please dont feel responsibility for the judgements, and post wisely, but you are the most sage and trustworthy opinion for yourself!

It's a free for all, some people will have excellent communication, some moderate, others just offer their perspectives, and others it can be duck and cover. Basically people want perspectives and this is democracy in action. With mumsnet, as the government so to speak.

I know this is an old post but it came up on google because i felt the need to google why there are so many judgemental people on mumsnet, because there are, and its not about people being intitled to their own opinions' its just pure uncaring nastiness.

I think I might de-reg too. I've been here and back on a few MN usernames over the years and I've taken part in some AIBU etc attack dog posts which I'm actually ashamed about.

I'm starting to think though, my life is taken over somewhat by this board and then on the one time I do post something, quite personal to me, I get ripped into and people are very judgmental when they don't even know the full circs, which I then have to explain, which then means I'm outing family circs which are quite identifiable.

I do think MN has got a lot more gossipy over the past year or so. And not for the best either. You rarely see mods pop up to moderate a thread which is getting too heated, which I thought they were meant to do as a job?

It's a pity it's come to this, but I really do think this, time, once I've gone, I'll go, it's not flouncing, I just don't feel happy, safe or content here on some threads/boards.

and I don't want to compromise my state of mind either.

I'm not planning to flounce just yet, but god I'm getting of the liars with the pantomime dame horrible sister/mother in laws and generally unbelievable stories.